Comments on: America Needs a New Religion: Let’s Pick a Pantheon!

By: Jack Boot

Jack Boot — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 19:41:30 +0000

I recall that, sometime in the 19th Century, the US Congress passed a law granting Jesus US citizenship. Only Churchill has ever been similarly honoured. Why not do likewise for Gautama, Quetzalcoatl, Muhammad (piss be upon him) and all the rest? Be fair…

But, the strangest of the strange is the phenomenon of gay Christians, Jews and Muslims. Worshipping a God who explicitly wants them killed - how self-loathing is that?
Hey, poofs; go Greek!

By: Bardamu

Bardamu — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 07:47:10 +0000

Some of the responses to this post seem to prove his point: American religion as it stands now is incapable of promoting anything remotely fun. And Americans seem to like it that way. All this ultra-serious pontificating about how angels are gods and some protestant inspired nonsense about how Catholics are polytheist (from the exiled crowd no less, who you would tend to think of as a fun bunch) is a sure sign of what a humorless country we are. I’m pretty grim myself but you people are killing me.

By: burbl

burbl — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 17:42:22 +0000

“it’s clear America needs a new religion.”

Not sure, some are doing fine with the old one, keeping only the good parts…
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

By: incredible Crustacean

incredible Crustacean — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 01:56:46 +0000

If that’s the best you can do against the Mesoamerican gods, sign me up.

I vote as well for Temple of Set brand Satanism. Uses Egyptian gods and is less fanatically social darwinist than the Church of Satan. Let’s have some fun!

By: kotek besar

kotek besar — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:44:08 +0000

But Hindus have massacred plenty of people before they started on the Bible spreaders! The 2002 Gujarat riots are a recent example. The destruction of the Babri Mosque at the hands of a Hindu mob was also pretty violent. The Hindu LTTE have been fighting a long and bloody (and perhaps soon to end) civil war with the mostly Buddhist Sri Lankan government. Religion also played a part in the 19th century Indian Mutiny, so it’s not much more peace-loving than the other major religions.

By: Nestor

Nestor — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:24:37 +0000

Japanese mythology can be cool too, and all the kids are into it already via Anime so it’s an easy sell

By: Carpenter

Carpenter — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 10:58:15 +0000

Dude, Christianity is already polytheist! What is the definition of a god? Someone who stands outside the laws of nature and holds some sway over them. The angels in Christianity are by definition gods, and all those patron saints in Catholicism, oh boy, they are far more powerful gods than many smaller deitists in older pantheons.

But if we want more, how about elevating the Washington gang to god status. All the Christians would swoon and cheer, so that part would be easy: instant backing from millions of eager believers. Make Rumsfeld the god of war, make Cheney the god of war, make Wolfowitz the god of war, make Richard Perle and Douglas Feith gods of war, make Obama the African god of war and rename Hillary as Lesbos, goddess of war. Method of worship: blood sacrifice of a million Iraqis - already done!

By: rick

rick — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 04:19:00 +0000

Oh man, I guess Catholics are awesome!

I was once writing “religious” prose, and found bubbling up from my subconscious shit about “hanging” on a flat surface, being painfully suspended there, to death, metaphorically.

The Catholics are brilliant, that way, but David Lynch makes them look like amateurs. Come on. That’s like saying you invented the chick with three tits from Total Recall. Or, for that matter, the Hindu broad with a thousand arms, which I also found bubbling up out of me, when writing another work of fiction.

This is just shit that pours out of people lamely grasping for existential metaphors, it’s lost on the vast majority of the populace, and all you do is invent a hell for nonbelievers to go to, to make it mean anything. I’m not that smart, there were like 800,000 people living when the Bible were written: they were all probably idiots, and I’m not that bright either, nobody cares.

By: Rosewater

Rosewater — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:54:23 +0000

For someone who blathers as much about Catholicism as Dolan does, he doesn’t seem to appreciate one of it’s greatest strengths: in a lot of instances it basically is polytheism. I’m guessing this is because he’s from the West Coast (they’re a little slow out there), surrounded by Protestants and their religious descendants, but over here everyone has old aunts who’ve never prayed to God but pray every day to Saint Anthony b/c he helps out finding the car keys. Take a look at the street festivals the Italians put on in New York, too, for the assorted saints’ days. Nothing meaningfully monotheistic about it.

By: rick

rick — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:23:37 +0000

This is as funny as anything, disregarding generationally-resonant geniuses like David Sedaris and Chuck Klosterman…or, oh man, I forgot P.J. O’Rourke, when he’s making those incredibly funny points, aw shucks, about supporting the Republicans, how, ha! They intregrate the contradictions of the world and human nature into their, can’t stop laughing, philosophy!