Vanity Fair profiles The eXile: "Gutsy...visceral...serious journalism...abusive, defamatory...poignant...paranoid...and right!"
MSNBC: Mark Ames and Yasha Levine
Broke the Koch Brothers' Takeover of America
www.exiledonline.com
eXiled Alert! / Koch Whores / August 30, 2011

Welp folks, I’m now a Made Man in the depraved and hilarious world of American Pop Culture–the only World that really matters in this country. Andrew Breitbart, the Brentwood-born West Hollywood princeling, has officially anointed me “Important Enough To Hate.” And as far as I can tell there are only two types of people fighting against the human hagfish who dominate this country: Those important enough to be hated by Andrew Breitbart and others in the right-wing media elites, and those we never hear about. Hey folks, I don’t make the rules here. Wish I did; wish I could be the guy who decides whether or not those Bircher fantasies about leftwing Stalin GULAGs were turned into reality—but unfortunately, I’m just a guy with a pretty face, and no power–until today, that is, when Andrew Breitbart titled me. 

Andrew Breitbart’s attack on me is his way of saying, “Hey, Mark Ames, I don’t like your devastating exposes on the billionaires whose shoes I shine with my tongue, and with pleasure too!” But it’s also more than that. See, when it comes to investigative journalism and having an editor’s nose for “The Story,” Andrew Breitbart can run with the best of ’em. Which is exactly why he sicced his ace cub reporter on perhaps the greatest unsolved mystery of our time: “Who Is Johnny Chen?”

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

Okay, shit, I’m sorry, but just typing that last bit has me literally bursting out laughing every time. I can’t help it folks. I mean seriously, is Andrew Breitbart tickling my underarms on purpose with this “Johnny Chen Exposed!” or does he actually mean it? Because as I’m typing this out on my flight to Denver now, I realize I can’t stop laughing every time I retype that Johnny Chen scoop that Andrew Breitbart put his top cub reporter on.

The “Johnny Chen” Scoop: Comix character, or Mark Ames pseudonym in a vast conspiracy to undermine the Koch brothers and capitalism? See Breitbart for details…

For those of you not familiar with The eXile, a brief explanation on the great mysterious Johnny Chen, our Moscow newspaper’s notorious Asian-American club reviewer. Chen embodied the rank essence of the American “aid” mission in Russia during the 1990’s: by day, a vastly overpaid “consultant” preaching disastrous free-market neoliberal advice to Yeltsin’s gang, all paid for by USAID and World Bank funds…by night, Chen unleashed the Moscow expat version of Col. Kurtz: A drunken, drugged-up rape-mad invader the likes of which hadn’t been seen in Russia since the days of Genghis Khan and the Golden Horde. Chen was the perfect representation of the West’s rapacious mission in Russia…and for that, he became a lightening rod for Clinton Administration attacks on The eXile, to discredit our exposes on all the corruption involving Harvard, Soros, USAID, and Larry Summers’ crew. Johnny Chen was the excuse used by Michael McFaul to censor and marginalize The eXile; you may know McFaul today as Obama’s pick to be the US ambassador to Russia.

Andrew Breitbart, George Soros and Clintonites agree: Johnny Chen must be exposed!

I’d always assumed that the Johnny Chen character was only a problem among the politically-correct Clinton crowd, but Andrew Breitbart has just proven me wrong about the hagfish, again. You forget that hagfish like Breitbart are humor-handicapped, which is what happens when you spend your waking hours gnawing on carrion and puking up slime.

Anyway, read it for yourself folks: Bretibart has sub-contracted out a Harvard Law School grad and failed Republican Tea Party candidate for Congress last year to solve the darkest conspiracy mystery since the JFK assassination: “Who was Johnny Chen?”

Here’s the email I got yesterday, from Teafailure Joel B. Pollak:

Dear Mr. Ames,

I’m doing a story for BigGovernment.com on your role in crafting the Koch brothers meme.

I tried calling the number on the website, but could not get hold of you. I would like to ask you the following questions:

1. Before you ran your original Koch brothers story on Santelli’s rant, did you try to contact any of the people or institutions that you and Levine named as part of the conspiracy in your original story (e.g. Santelli, Odom)? Which ones?

2. In your book about the eXile, you recount many of your experiences with sex, drugs, etc. — are all of these true?

3. Owen Matthews has alleged that you wrote as “Johnny Chen”–is that true?

4. What made you focus on the Koch brothers in particular?

5. You’ve targeted “oligarchs,” in the U.S. and in Russia–why not target public-sector unions and their cozy relationship with big government?

I’m on deadline, so if you could kindly provide some answers to me by this evening, I’d appreciate that.

Thanks for your help.

Joel Pollak

Breitbart.com, LLC

149 S. Barrington Avenue, #401

Los Angeles, California 90049

I got that email and thought, “They’re onto me! Elizabeth! I’m comin’, ‘Lizabeth!” If they’ve solved the Johnny Chen Conspiracy, then it’s curtains for me, folks! I mean, what’ll Breitbart’s cub reporters expose next? That I’m also the guy behind Stuart Pratt, the bearded Canadian eco-feminist club reviewer? And Denis Salnikov, the snobby bisexual Russian nationalist?

Terrified, I had the eXiled’s unpaid, much-abused intern-slave email back the following reply:

Dear Mr JOEL B. POLLAK,

Thank you for your letter. Unfortunately, due to the large volume of fan mail to Mr. Ames, please allow 4-6 weeks for a reply. Furthermore, I am under strict instructions from Mr. Ames that he only responds to Tea Party Republicans who actually won their elections, and not to respond to any queries from, as Mr. Ames put it, “Tea Party backwash, by which I mean those Republican C-list failures who got their asses handed to them in the 2010 election. I grant you, there are almost no Tea Party Republicans who actually got their sorry asses handed to them by liberals in the elections, so thankfully the list is small.”

However, my boss Mr. Ames would be willing to answer queries from your boss Mr Andrew Breitbats, or from someone on the level of a Mr Charles Koch, should Mr Charles Koch be interested in discovering how Mr. Ames and Mr. Levine broke the Tea Party story before anyone else.

Regards,

Vikram S. Khemka

Assistant to Mr. Mark Ames

Sorry, I should take this more seriously, I know. I should be grateful to my new VIP peer Andrew Breitbart for making me all famous ‘n’ stuff, and doing it the most unintentionally-comical way possible. So thank you Andrew Breitbart, for hiring a goggle-eyed freak named Joel B. Pollak to carry out this flaccid character-assassination on me [Hint: when trying to character-assassinate, don’t give so much unintended praise about how I’d broken the Koch-Tea Party story, try and minimize what a fucking god I am–I mean, this ranks up there with the 10-page Vanity Fair feature on me, and it really shouldn’t, it should be bad publicity, not good…you’ll figure it out some day, champ!]. And thanks to Breitbart, the hit-piece was served on a bed of pure comedy gold. I thank Thee, Yahweh—or if not Thee, then Baal, or Darwin, whichever god put the idea in Breitbart’s head that the key to destroying Mark Ames was to be found in the “Who Is Johnny Chen?” riddle.

Ever since the Kremlin shut my newspaper down and sent me fleeing back to the USA in 2008, I’ve spent these past three years doing everything humanly possible to raise my bounty among the Breitbart A-list hagfish. Sort of like that Bugs Bunny episode I used to love, when Bugs got so angry over the fact that the bounty on rabbits was a mere two cents that he sawed off Florida from the mainland, and swiped the Panama Canal’s locks…  Worked for Bugs, he got famous; now, thanks to Andrew Breitbart, it’s worked for me too.

Things are going to get fun here, finally. From now on, it’s me against Andrew Breitbart. Mano a Hollywood-elite-Mano.

Mark Ames: “I can’t wait to be that guy in the glasses!”

And I gotta admit folks, I’m excited about this. Andrew is quite a guy! For example, I’ve heard from Andrews’ close friends stories about Andrew’s awesome life-changing epiphany he experienced during a Cure concert. Yes folks, it’s true: according to a mutual friend of Andrew’s and mine (see, we’re both part of the Cultural Elite now), before Breitbart became the puffy-faced Koch-fiend that he is today, a younger, less puffy-faced Andrew Breitbart regaled his pals with his  story about his Great Moment: it came during a Cure concert—you know, that band with the whiny singer who attracted all the chubby girls and depressed drama students? So far I haven’t figured out if Andrew’s life changed during the Cure hit “Boys Don’t Cry” or “Killing An Arab” but I’ll do my best to get to the bottom of this, folks. If you’re wondering “Can Mark Ames go toe to toe with the media titan who blew open the “Who Is Johnny Chen?” conspiracy,” there’s your answer, America.

Now, as much fun as we’re having here, I do have one complaint to lodge. This is me talking now to you, Andrew Breitbart, from one member of the Cultural Elite to another: Did you really have to subcontract out the “Ames Hit Job” to a colossal loser like “Joel. B. Pollak”? That really wasn’t nice, Andrew. I mean really, this guy Joel B. Pollak is a LOSER.

Joel B. Pollak: From Harvard Law ’99* to chasing the Johnny Chen story in 2011, you’ve come a long way, baby!

He has the distinction of being just about the only Tea Party Republican candidate for Congress who got his sorry right-wing ass handed to him in the 2010 election. By a Pelosi-Democrat, no less! How he lost, no one knows—it’s a mystery right up there with the “Who Is Johnny Chen?” conundrum. Did you put this loser on the “Ames Hit” job on purpose, just to humiliate me? Because if you did, I’ll be honest, it worked. Seriously, how the fuck did this Joel B. Pollak manage the impossible and get his teabagger ass slaughtered by a liberal Nancy Pelosi-like Democrat, Jan Schakowsky, an appeaser to Islamofascism if there ever was one. Even more embarrassing for Joel B. Pollak is that the Jews in his district rejected him even more thoroughly than the goys rejected him–65% of Pollak’s district’s Jews voted for Schakowsky. That oughta sting real bad-like, seein’ as Joel B. Pollak based his entire dirty campaign on 2010 as a referendum on which candidate was more pro-Israeli: appeaser-liberal-Islamofasc-symp Schakowsky, or the goggle-eyed freak from South Africa, Joel B. Pollak:

Republican challenger Joel Pollak attacked Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky repeatedly over Israel and her affiliation with J Street — and the attacks did not work, and in some cases backfired with Jewish voters in the district. Rep. Schakowsky won reelection with 65% of the vote.

Among Jewish voters who had voted for Congresswoman Schakowsky in 2008, 46% were more likely to cast their vote for Schakowsky again after hearing the attacks and 40% said the attacks made no difference.

Ouch! It’s one thing if the goyim don’t support you, but to be soundly rejected by your own people in the easiest-to-win election in the history of the Republic–folks, in the annals of electoral loserdom, Joel B. Pollak wins the loser-gold! I’d compare him to another Jew rejected by his people, but then that’d make Pollak, you know, Jesus-like, and as one Tribester to another, frankly, I draw a line in the sand at comparing-rejected-Jews-to-Jesus jokes. But seriously, how the fuck did Joel B. Pollak lose?! The Tea Party could’ve run plankton against a liberal Democrat in the 2010 elections and still win. In fact, the Tea Party did run plankton in district after district, and plankton won every time.  If plankton won, what does that make Joel B. Plankton, Teabag loser extraordinaire? A sea sponge?

Seriously, every single one of those mutants in the Tea Party won in last November’s election—all you had to do was screech some unintelligible gibberish, foam at the mouth for the cameras a bit, and you were on the next flight to Capitol Hill, carrying out the Koch Brothers’ orders to a “T.” Every horrible amalgamation of organic matter that the Tea Party could scrape off the ocean floor vents won their 2010 election—except for the guy that Breitbart sicced on me: Joel B. Pollak. (I hear that the other Tea Partiers were telling “Pollak” jokes last November, it begins something like, “Q: How many Pollaks does it take to fuck up the easiest 2010 Tea Party election victory ever handed to him?” Or: “Hey Joel B. Pollak, you just got completely trounced in the election by a Pelosi-Democrat Islamofascist appeaser, what’re you gonna do now?” “I’m gonna become a Mark Ames fanboy and solve the Johnny Chen conspiracy!” Ah well, you had to be there, I guess—had ‘em rollin’ in Peoria…)

“Yeah, I lost!” Joel B. Pollak does a Howard Dean loser-arm-pump after getting laughed out of the election race by Jewish voters

So I take it as a personal sleight, Andrew Breitbart. You scraped the bottom of your goon-barrel for your hit-job on me, and in doing so, I have to tell you, you have shown me disrespect.

Moreover, Andrew sicced this Joel B. Pollak at the very nadir of his long downhill career-slide. Just a few years ago, Joel B. Pollak was a guy who was going places. An apartheid-baby born in South Africa the same year that anti-apartheid martyr Stephen Biko was tortured to death by white South African interrogators, Joel B. Pollak must have been so deeply affected by his close experience with apartheid’s racist, fascist violence that we must speculate that he vowed to himself, “One day, I, Joel B. Pollak, will work for Andrew Breitbart and I will finally discover the answer to the question, ‘Who was Johnny Chen, club reviewer for The eXile?’”

But it didn’t have to be that way: There was a time when Joel B. Pollak almost had a future he could be proud of, a future where he didn’t scour the Internet as the “Johnny Chen” sleuth-for-hire. Joel B. Pollak was once a Harvard Law school grad, class of ’99*. Guys from Harvard go on to big things. Some of them even become presidents (albeit Islamofascist presidents). Some of them become Alan Dershowitz. And one of them, Joel B. Pollak, poured coffee for Alan Dershowitz, “possibly the best coffee-pourer I’ve worked with in decades, a man who understands the meaning of the word ‘Fetch, boy!’” As a class of ’99* Harvard Law School grad, Joel could have become anything or anyone, like his fellow alumni. Joel B. Pollak had the world in his hands right up until last November’s elections, but alas, he flubbed it like the Bill Buckner of the Tea Party, as the ball of certain-victory spun through his buttery mit. (Why bother with a good analogy if Breitbart throws this clown at me?) Maybe it’s because Joel B. Pollak is not so much plankton or sea sponge as he is something far more horrifying, one of those grotesque HP Lovecraft creatures from the deep deep oceans: I mean look at those freakish goggle-eyes of his. Could this be why Illinois voters canned him?

And so Joel B. Pollak’s bright future went over a darkened cliff into the foul cauldron of sitcom villainy: From Harvard Law grad, to colossal failure as a Tea Party Republican candidate for Congress, to this, the very lowest imaginable fate of all—Breitbart’s ace sleuth hot on the trail of the great “Who Is Johnny Chen?” mystery… I don’t say this often, but “Joel B. Pollak, you’ve come a long way, baby!”

Update: Ace Reporter Joel B. Pollak Unleashes Hi-Tech “Proxy” Weaponry On Mark Ames! Click Here For Details!

* = Reader informs us that Joel B. Pollak graduated from Harvard undergrad in 1999, and graduated from Harvard Law School some other year. We would take the time to correct this, but frankly, we don’t really give a shit.

Would you like to know more? Read “Breitbart Hijinx Update: Ace Reporter Joel B. Pollak Knows What A ‘Proxy’ Is.” For more background, read “Jim Goad and Gavin McInnes Beg Mark Ames: ‘Answer Me, Please?'” Also read “KKKat Fight! White Power Fashionista John Galliano VS. White Power Fashionista Gavin McInnes.”

Mark Ames is the author of Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion from Reagan’s Workplaces to Clinton’s Columbine.

Click the cover & buy the book!

 

 

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94 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. The Dude  |  August 31st, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Joel Pollack looks like he’s stuck on the surface of Mars, like in the movie Total Recall. Hopefully his head explodes within the the next week.

  • 2. FuckEichmann!!!  |  August 31st, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Breitbart: Once you finish up that slobber job for the KochMeister, you better get my pizza here within 15 minutes flat or I will make you clean my ass with your tongue again like yesterday!!! And get rid of those stupid red bunny ear unitard!! What are you, a fucking commie leftist!?!

  • 3. Ashcroft  |  August 31st, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Ames delivers the headshot once more. I’m trying to imagine the sweat over at big government as they discover their faux shock doesn’t seem to have moved you and the comments seem to have … approved? Keep it cutting away at the Kochtopus!

  • 4. Taeshawndrix Bicksnewd Freeman, PhD  |  August 31st, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    Lolwhat. Breitbart is a huge stick in the mud (I HEAR HE LIKES HIS STICKS IN THE MUD IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AUGHH YEAHHHHH!!!!), but at least he doesn’t need to get homely 15 year old’s drunk to GET DAT AZZ! He just needs to visit a confessional….SMUGFACE TIMES A MILLION!

  • 5. Aleksandr Bortnikov  |  September 1st, 2011 at 1:32 am

    Just who exactly is Johnny Chen? Пятое управление ФСБ очень, очень долгую память, и 8х10 глянцевых фотографий! We miss you, Ames.

  • 6. foog  |  September 1st, 2011 at 2:25 am

    I assume you know that the shell-shocked Breitbart groping victim in that picture is none other than Riley Waggaman, formerly of wonkette.com? You’re in good company Ames.

  • 7. A-Lex  |  September 1st, 2011 at 5:28 am

    Just wait till Pollak teams up with Glenn Beck to investigate Vlad Kalashnikov :)

  • 8. Cum  |  September 1st, 2011 at 6:39 am

    @41

    I’m pretty sure we fucked America up on our own.

    Also, The Cure is one of my favorite bands, thanks for trying to ruin that Mr. Ames :(

    Sincerely,
    Gob of Cum

  • 9. Jack Boot  |  September 1st, 2011 at 9:10 am

    Translated from the German, “Breitbart” means “wide bear”.

    Oooh; I’ll bet he is, I’ll bet he is!

    @ 36 is spot-on. The Tealiban don’t wish to abolish Big Gov’t; merely to redirect it against Sinners.

    You know, the usual suspects: “If we crack down real hard on alla them abortionists, stem-cell Frankensteins, pre-verts, dope fiends, Darwinists & assisted-suiciders, Gawd’ll forgive us our debts!”

  • 10. Wiliam Davis  |  September 1st, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Still……laughing…….can’t………stop………

  • 11. hon kee mufo  |  September 1st, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    I enjoyed the part where he gleefully imagined the possiblity that Rattigan would get hit with an FCC fine–not just for the hypocrasy, but because THE FCC HAS NO POWER OVER CABLE TV. That’s Journalism 101 stuff–literally, at the school I went to.

  • 12. darthfader  |  September 1st, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Ames invented the game that Breitbart plays badly.

    Did any one of these idiots stop to think what it would mean to try to blackmail someone who wrote the book on speed and sin – with the contents of that book?

  • 13. Fakey Wakey  |  September 1st, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Hey, Mark, just wanted to let you know that according to the loathsome community at BigGovernment, you’re officially a player in the “mainstream media”. Please let us know how you intend to spend your millions.

  • 14. darthfader  |  September 1st, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Any chanese on here should set up a campaign to bomb MSNBC with pro Mark Ames a ganda. Catfish?

  • 15. Charlie  |  September 1st, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    Is this site new? It’s fucking awesome, thanks for making Joel B. Pollak look like a complete ass. I normally wouldn’t have the guts to say that out loud, since I actually troll for the Kochs, but between us, I wish I had the balls to be The eXiled, rather than having the Kochs balls in my teabagged mouth.

  • 16. Smacked  |  September 1st, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Joel Pollak wrote an unintentionally hilarious article showing just what an awesome gonzo journalist Ames is. “Oops, by handing credit for breaking the Koch story to Ames, we just made him famous! Damn youuuuu Mark Ames, stymied again!”

    I recommend everyone here go laugh at Joel B. Pollak for getting his ass kicked in the election. There’s really no possible rebuttal than “DEFEATED BY A PELOSI LIBERAL.”

    Oh, and thank you for improving my comment, Mighty Exile Censor, when you spend your life with your nose up Charles Kochs’ ass, you kind of forget how to compose a proper comment.

  • 17. Carolyn  |  September 1st, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    I love you.

  • 18. Ivan  |  September 1st, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Errrr, why do all people in this pictures look really weird, like they are from mental clinic.
    Joel B. Pollak: From Harvard Law ’99 picture looks REALLY CREEPY.

  • 19. ArtificerSerges  |  September 2nd, 2011 at 12:46 am

    Excellence. You’ve got my subscription; hope it helps keep up the fight.

  • 20. Tyler  |  September 2nd, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    A few days have passed and I am still blood thirsty. Please skull fuck this Pallock clown. Clearly he is hoping to ride your coat tails to fame, but maybe, you can ride Breitnarts as well. I want to see you big league, spitting in John Stewarts smirkiness and crapping in oreillys indignation.

    Onward Christian soldier.

  • 21. Ilona  |  September 2nd, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Yes, yes. The old Johnny Chen ploy. I know, I know…

    “…plankton… A sea sponge?… Fetch, boy!”

    Ha!

    This piece of investigating journalism restored my believe in all forms of humanity. Supreme domination and excellence!

    A total penis touchdown!

  • 22. Victorvalley Villain  |  September 2nd, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Watch out eXiled, Pollak has caught on that you sometimes edit the comments!

    “We were able to establish, through the use of a proxy, that he edits comments to distort their meaning.”

    They used a fucking proxy to figure this out! They must have hackers and shit!

    Can anyone explain what the fuck using a proxy has to do with anything? lulz.

  • 23. Ilona  |  September 2nd, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @ 72.

    Oh no!

    Your comment made my vagina bleed. Really bad. All moist and naughty stuff. Oh, please, please! Don’t hurt me this way!

    Do you want my vagina bleed all the juicy juices all over the place? For Bollock? Really? That’s pretty evil.

    Oh, please Mr. Ames! Can you make all my hurting h-u-r-t go away.

    Please.

  • 24. pat  |  September 3rd, 2011 at 8:05 am

    This question kills me….
    “You’ve targeted “oligarchs,” in the U.S. and in Russia–why not target public-sector unions and their cozy relationship with big government?”

    Hmmm, public sector unions work under the ultimate control of politicians….typically corrupt politicians. And these right-wing morans want to complain about their ability to deal with them on a collective-basis by being unionized? Last time I checked, the teachers, cops, firefighters, snow plow drivers and garbage collectors did not create the mess we are in. The right-wingers targeting of them is nothing but trying to deflect the blame and is quite sickening.

  • 25. darthfader  |  September 3rd, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    What a scoop Joel has on his hands!

    Joel, you’re a muckraker extraordinaire! Tell me how this crazy scheme works. You mean that the many comments, on nearly every story here, where the comment is about how the person posting it is a weeping loser libertarian and Mark Ames is Supergod – you mean that DOESN’T always represent a community of out-and-proud masochist cultists who flock to the eXile like James O’Keefe to a Pokemon tournament?

    Joel, you have to tell me how this “proxy” business works, because I think you could blow the lid off of journalism with this kind of scoop.

  • 26. jim  |  September 3rd, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Congratulations on being officially hated by The Man Without A Soul.

    Next on biggovernment,com: Shocking Al-Qaeda Ties To Waldo!

  • 27. vortexgods  |  September 4th, 2011 at 8:05 am

    “Errrr, why do all people in this pictures look really weird, like they are from mental clinic.”

    Sometimes, because of their great investigative reporting and incisive commentary that the Exiled does, we miss the little things that they do.

    Like the way they point out that most people on the Modern American Right are so degenerate that it corrupts and perverts their very flesh, so they end up looking like a Dick Tracy villain. It’s as if the very degeneracy of the Modern American Right wing mind infests the Right winger’s very body with a pestilence that turns them into subhuman creatures.

    Now, my personal opinion is that this is not what is happening, but that Modern America Right wing thought naturally attracts freak jobs and weirdos. People who are only capable of succeeding by embracing an ideology that is as freakish and defective as they themselves are.

    Oh well, hopefully someday we will be able to establish the truth with vivisection, after this perverted ideology has been purged from all positions of power.

  • 28. One-eyed Jesus muffin  |  September 4th, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Johnny Chen? He dated Peyton Manning’s younger brother in high school.

  • 29. Strelnikov  |  September 5th, 2011 at 4:01 am

    Breitbart was a friggin’ gossip columnist before he got it into his vast fat head that there are bucks in political blogging….problem is, you have to read between the lines and understand subtlety to do political writing, which is why Andy sucks so bad at what he does. That and his brain never truly developed, so he is a high-functioning retard. His googly-eyed friend and the fake pimp before him do not create any confidence.

    We would be better off shooting Andy at the Moon.

  • 30. Brian  |  September 5th, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Point the Fifth: You’ve targeted oligarchs. Why not take on public employee unions?
    As I am on deadline, I’d appreciate a response this evening.

    LOL! Lamest goon work ever!

  • 31. Hamsterfist  |  September 5th, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    I wish you could post quality shit like this daily.

  • 32. Hamsterfist  |  September 5th, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Also, will you please just make up with Taibbi and convince him to stop just copy/pasting his articles from other sources? You should take great satisfaction with the fact he was ‘once’ to better writer, but you have superseded him. Sure, sometimes your stories contain grammar errors, but no one can blame you of being lazy, like the once great Taibbi. Bring him back in the reigns, and help him blossom again. (I am not sure this is the write place to post this, but I feel there is an off chance you might see this.) eXiled continues to dominate and be an inspiration. Thank you Mark!

  • 33. Guy From IL  |  September 6th, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    A couple of things:

    1) Schakowsky’s district is very, very, liberal.

    2) Schakowsky’s voting record is actually quite pro-Israel.

    Pollack might’ve won if he hadn’t wasted so much time talking about Israel, but it was a badly run campaign against a popular incumbent in a heavily Democrat district.

  • 34. Ro  |  September 9th, 2011 at 10:46 am

    You had me laughing the whole column. Congratulations on your promotion to uber-significante.

    I almost feel bad for this Joel kid. It’s like they used to say back in the day. “There’s a face for radio”. Then I remember what he’s fighting for and I don’t feel sorry for him at all.

  • 35. mad props  |  September 19th, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    dont fucking talk shit about pokemon darthfader

  • 36. greg critser  |  January 1st, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Has anyone looked into Brietbart’s years in high school and college and whether he engaged in any unlawful, unethical or immoral actions in against women?

    HAVE YOU?

  • 37. Dick Handsome  |  March 1st, 2012 at 9:56 am

    This article was a pretty effective take-down on Breitbart, but nowhere near as effective as a poorly maintained sidewalk.

  • 38. DerDer  |  March 1st, 2012 at 10:28 am

    and now he is dead.

  • 39. vortexgods  |  March 1st, 2012 at 10:31 am

    😀

  • 40. DeeboCools  |  March 1st, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    taking a walk in Hell-A at midnight? I suspect opiate pharmaceutical/codeine abuse personally, it’s the drug of choice for self-described “conservatives” often

  • 41. Hamsterfist  |  March 1st, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Mwahahahaha!

  • 42. Futhorc?  |  March 1st, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Was there any santorum in the crack he stepped into?

  • 43. nop  |  March 2nd, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Alan Dershowitz never went to harvard, just camped out there for 40 years instead (dont ask why i knew this)

  • 44. Jethro Troll  |  March 30th, 2012 at 12:31 am

    Hey Futhorc? – i think you mean the Crack™ that stepped into him


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