Even the one impressive detail first reported about the fight via Hitchens’ supporters–that he got stomped in the middle of the night, in a dark empty Beirut backalley, after getting famously drunk in a bar, fighting alone against a gang of Syran fascists–was an inversion of the truth, a very sad slapstick truth. In reality, Hitchens was stomped in broad daylight in a “posh shopping district” by a lone Syrian twerp fighting against Hitchens and two friends after they set him off. As the aforementioned neocon blogger (who thinks he’s doing a favor for his buddy Hitchens) notes:
It didn’t happen in a bar. It happened mid-day on the street. It wasn’t a drunken brawl. I have no idea if Hitchens had drank at all, but if he had, it was like his typical lunch-time bloody mary. (I’m not saying he didn’t get drunk– just not then.)
Thufferin’ thuckutash. Hitchens’ buddies tried to warn him before the stomping that if he defaced a Syrian fascist poster, it would cause problems for everyone . Naturally, Hitchens didn’t listen and instead took a tough moral stand…before fleeing like a bitch and getting his ass kicked, even though with two backups he should have stomped the Syrian. Sorta stands as a metaphor for Hitchens’ behavior during the Bush years.
It reminds me of the episode when Sylvester gets stomped by the kangaroo. Sylvester picks the fight deliberately because he’s sure he can kick the kangaroo’s ass and therefore impress his son, since to Sylvester, the kangaroo is nothing but a mouse. Sylvester’s son tries to tell him that the kangaroo is much more serious than a mouse, but Sylvester patronizingly tells his son not to be afraid, they’re just little mice, because Sylvester sees this as a cheap opportunity to make himself look tough: “Son, you take care of all the little mice, and I’ll handle any BIG mice that come along.” Once again, Chritthhhhhhtopher Hitchenttthhh-thhhh, you showed that big mouse who’s boss.
Mark Ames is the author of Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion from Reagan’s Workplaces to Clinton’s Columbine. You can reach him at email@example.com.
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