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The Daily Inquisition / September 23, 2008

Today’s Defendant: Pixar

Statement of the Grand Inquisitor: Our eyes are not dazzled by your state-of-the-art animation; our hearts are not softened by your supposedly wholesome family fare. Disney pulled the same shtick in order to spread the same insidious blasphemy: the worship of graven images, really appalling ones, though still only 2-D.

Used to be we got upset when people worshiped a golden calf, now we look back on that as the good old days. Compared to this endless Pixar stream of phony Americana, anyway, featuring Disney’s upwardly mobile white suburbanite characters recycled into CGI clownfish and race-cars and cute furry monsters all spouting middle-class morality circa 1955.

And all lasciviously rendered in a gleaming, round, candy-coated way that suggests luxury car ads, high-end chocolates, and Playboy centerfolds.

Statement of the Defense: So, in fact, your eyes are dazzled by the state-of-the-art animation.

Verdict: Death!! Raze Emeryville to the ground!!

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