It was a good year for NFL names, with fall traditionals like Jamal and Terrell blooming gloriously against a background of exciting newcomers like Lethon and J'Juan. The eXile's fourth annual all-NFL-name team mirrors the year, drawing upon both history and innovation. The best pro football names of this year would match up well, we believe, with the best football names of any other year.
     The team was determined by virtue of the first-, second-, and third-place votes of each of our 337 member writers. Their results of their position-by-position balloting are as follows, the year 2000 all-eXile name team:
     QB
     Ist team - Daunte Culpepper, Minnesota Vikings
     2nd team - Scott Driesbach, Oakland Raiders
Culpepper: the clear choice among starters. His name had a great year. Driesbach was the choice over convincingly-named Denver backup Jarius Jackson on account of the positional specifics. Backup quarterbacks are always named Todd, Scott, and Andy, and have last names like Bouman and Driesbach. Otherwise, they wouldn't be backups.
     RB
     Ist team - Antowain-Detron-Emmitt-Lamar-Maurice-Paul- Robert-Terrelle Smith, Buffalo-Denver-Dallas-Miami-Atlanta-San Francisco- Minnesota-New Orleans
     2nd team - KaRon Coleman, Denver
Edgerrin James was the early favorite, but voters perhaps felt that his macro-dreds and 14 gold teeth gave him an unfair advantage. Besides, it was a good year for the Smiths, who were the feature backs on four teams, and were named `Detron' and `Terrelle' (with an "e") in two other cases.
     WR
     Ist team - Az-Zahir Hakim, St. Louis; Plaxico Burress, Pittsburgh
     2nd team - Laveranues Coles, New York Jets; Shockmain Davis, New England
     Hakim, the eXile's overall player MVP for 2000, made the first team despite the fact that he does not actually start for the Rams. His on-field performance improved the quality of his name that much; dazzling kick returns and totally unnecessary cornrows made him a lock.
     C
     Ist team - Olin Kreutz, Chicago
     2nd team - Craig Heimburger, Cincinnati
     Centers have monosyllabic names of Germanic- Saxon origin: Kreutz, Fricke, Birk, Bock, Brock. They are also from Ohio. A backup from Cincinnati with the name of Heimburger is more than acceptable. John Saturday of the Colts, an early preseason favorite, finished a disappointing eighth in the voting.
     G
     Ist team - Tre' Johnson, Washington; Chris Naeole, New Orleans
     2nd team - Gennaro DiNapoli, Tennessee; Doug Brezinski, Philadelphia
     Apostrophes, Samoans, Italians, and Poles are always solid at guard, and always in that order. The Samoan crop this year was poor. Sale Isaia of New England, the only other Samoan starter, was not indicted for anything at all this year. Furthermore, his cousin, Junior Seau, continues to play linebacker, a violation of the Geneva convention provision dictating that Samoans must remain on the offensive line, or at fullback in emergencies.
     T
     Ist team - Jumbo Elliott, New York Jets; Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland
     2nd team - Todd Steussie, Minnesota; Derrick Deese, San Francisco
      Elliott and Kennedy are first-teamers together for the fourth straight year. Overall, this is Elliot's seventh selection.
     LB
     Ist team - LaVarr Arrington, Washington; London Fletcher, St. Louis; Bryce Paup, Minnesota
     2nd team - George Koonce, Seattle; DeShone Myles, Seattle; DaShon Polk, Buffalo
     Arrington made the team by dating Serena Williams before his team had won a single game. Black men named London make the team automatically. Paup squeezed in on the crafty-mean-white-guy-with-declining- skills exception. Seattle had a strong year overall.
     TE
     Ist team - Sheldon Jackson, Buffalo
     2nd team - (tie) Zeron Flemington, Washington; Bubba Franks, Green Bay
     A good Jackson at tight end is like a Mercedes; a classic in any year. Cameron Cleeland just missed the team for the third straight year.
     DB
     Ist team - Lethon Flowers, Pittsburgh; Earthwind Moreland, New Orleans; Donovin Darius, Jacksonville; Johndale Carty, Atlanta
     2nd team - Tebucky Jones, New England; Kennoy Kennedy, Denver; Kareem Larrimore, Dallas; Antuan Edwards, Green Bay
     Flowers and Moreland were the two top vote-getters overall in the league, reaffirming the DB's status as the league's most consistently outstanding position. Jones this year won a starting job, grew cornrows, wrecked a Dodge Viper, and went back to the bench.
     DE
     Ist team - Robert Porcher, Detroit
     2nd team - Cletidus Hunt, Green Bay
     Porcher this year changed the pronunciation of his last name. It was "Por-hser"; now it is "Por-shay." He led the league in sacks last year.
     DT
     Ist team - Warren Sapp, Tampa Bay
     2nd team - Santana Dotson, Green Bay
     Sometimes a player can redefine a position so much that his name sounds like the position. At least two of the U.S. armed services have active projects which involve the cloning of Sapp. Carlos Santana is an annoying guitarist, and Santana Dotson can't stop the run.
     K
     Olindo Mare, Miami
     Not since the days of Ali Haji-Sheikh has a kicker so dominated the voting. Mare drives an orange cigarrette boat.
     P
     Tom Tupa, New York Jets
     Like Ray Guy, Tupa is a good third- string quarterback with a bad haircut. He was on stage in a Boston nightclub last year in an incident in which five fans were seriously injured in a stage- diving accident.