This was going to be it, man. I was going all the way this time. I have been dying for a down home good bar to open up. All American, you know what I mean. None of this Irish pub shit - don't get me wrong, they've got their place too - but sometimes you just need a dose of the U S of A.
    That is what ROCK VEGAS was supposed to be. That is what I was expecting. Shit, I was feeling so psy- ched about this place, that I started feeling charitable. I even bought myself some ribbed condoms. You know, ribbed for her pleasure. To get myself in the mood, I downed a six- pack of beer before hitting the club. Well, actually it was just six cans 'cause I couldn't find those plastic six pack things anywhere, but it's pretty much the same fucking thing anyway. But I got to say, this Rock Vegas wasn't the frat heaven I was expect- ing it to be. The inside is pretty cool, nothing too fancy, but that's the way I like it. They have a big old stage and a good sized bar. But the thing they are missing is the Americans.
    The fucking bar looked like it was trying to go native. That can be alright, too, but there weren't any single chicks to be seen. I mean, couples everywhere. And pretty fucking nerdy couples at that. What the fuck?
    I mean, I got there early, before the band started playing, and there were, get this, some fucking lame idiots dancing slow songs to Mariah Carey. And it wasn't just some loser and his girlfriend. There were a whole bunch of the morons dancing swaying away in their ugly ass sweaters.
    At least the prices were cheap. And they serve up some decent grub. It isn't all that good, but the portions are big. And that counts for something. A lot of shit comes with fries and shit, too.
    Still, I could tell that I wasn't going to be using any of those ribbed for her pleasure condoms there. I waited for the band to start before I decided to bail. The band was alright, but I had some condoms to use.
    I mean, the place has some potential, but they need to get ex-holes to start filling it up. And to do that they need some skanky chicks. Shit, maybe they should start a ladies night. That's what I would say.
    But that isn't the point. I'm not the fucking manager. Right now, it's just pretty dead. So I went to go check out this new club GOROD. It used to be called Batman, but they supposedly fixed it up a bit. I gotta say, it remind- ed me of some club I went to in Minsk a couple years ago.
    Everyone there seemed to be a sixteen-year-old raver. I thought that fucking techno shit wasn't even popular anymore, but I guess that I was just out of touch with the younger generation. Gorod let me correct that problem.
    The place was fucking packed. It has a giant main floor and a balcony, and there were bitches everywhere. VIP was empty, but who gives a shit, right?
    The one thing I hate about these fucking ravers - well aside from the music of course - is the way they dance. None of the Duck's bump and grind, no way. They all dance like a bunch of fucking hermaphrodites. No contact anywhere.
    I don't like picking up chicks dancing anyway. I have better luck at the bar. Shit, dancing they think who is the whale, but at a bar they know right away that I am a potential green card. So anyway, I'm hanging out at the fucking bar when bam, like clock work this chick starts hitting on me. I mean, she was nothing special, but at least she was young. She said seventeen.
    So, I had someone to buy drinks for. It was cheap enough and besides, these little girls can't hold their liquor too well. Well, what can I say? I don't know if she felt the ribs or not. I couldn't feel the difference between it and a normal cap. I wanted to ask her about it, but there was the language barrier issue. Then I thought I could ask her in the morning, when I was a little more articulate. But she didn't stick around long enough for me to find out. I guess she slipped out after I passed out.