DONUTS
When someone kills a cop, he can expect to get treated
pretty roughly.
If a cop goes to jail, he can expect the abuse to be even
worse. Even pedophiles and rats don’t get their asses lubricated as often as a
cop who lands behind bars. For the toothless, tuberculosis-infected criminals
living in Russia’s prisons, no hole is as sought after as a cop’s sphincter.
So, pigs will do everything they can to keep their own from getting locked up.
But what happens when a cop kills a cop? Where do the
loyalties of the police lie? A 26-year-old patrol officer from the Moscow
suburb of Ozer is going to find out pretty soon.
According to Moskovsky Komsomolets, he decided to examine
this gray area of unwritten laws last week. Around five in the morning he and
his colleague - a 33-year-old lieutenant - decided to get a cup of coffee in
the break room. It had been a slow night and they needed to keep awake until
the next shift came in.
It is unclear exactly what happened next. They were the only
two in the room until the rest of the on duty officers heard a shot and came
running in. Before the chainik had even come to a boil, the lieutenant lay dead
in a pool of his own blood.
For obvious reasons, the killer didn’t want to implicate
himself. He claimed that the two were simply admiring his Makarov pistol and it
accidentally fired, killing the other cop.
This scenario is dubious at best. Both officers were
experienced handling guns. They were hardly two preteens playing Cowboys and
Indians after finding daddy’s Browning. Rather, they had been working together
on the police force for over five years. Why then, the sudden interest in a
standard issue pistol?
The two had always seemed to get along well. That is, until
the murderer was found with a smoking gun. Both had served in Chechnya. Reasons
for the murder were not forthcoming. Maybe it was just another case of Chechen
War Syndrome.
KIDS WILL BE KIDS
Zhena Starodubtsev hadn’t had much time to make enemies. He
was only 12. So, the militsia were hard pressed to think of a motive when they
found his body lying in the snow with 29 stab wounds.
The body was actually found by a group of guys who had seen
some darkened snow and went to investigate. Since they called the cops
immediately to report finding the kid’s body, they weren’t considered suspects.
Actually, nobody is considered a suspect yet.
Zhenka was a pretty good kid. Nobody at his school - Number
267 - had a bad word to say about him. He wasn’t the sharpest student but at
least he was quiet. Threes were not uncommon on his report card.
Everything about him points to a painfully average child.
His favorite class was gym, he liked computer games, he got in fights
occasionally at school. Some girl from a neighboring school even had a crush on
him. In short, there was absolutely nothing exceptional about him.
The day of his murder he had told his parents that he was
going to do some homework with his best friend, Andrei. Of course, they didn’t
do much working, but that isn’t material.
After spending the day together, Zhenka realized that if he
didn’t hurry home, he would miss his 8 o’clock curfew and probably get a
beating. So, feeling rushed, he decided to take a short cut by the movie
theater Baikonur. This wasn’t the brightest idea.
When his family called Andrei wondering where Zhenka was,
they found out that he had plenty of time to make it home. His mom started
worrying, as Zhenka was generally pretty punctual.
Apparently, he was the victim of some delinquents that hang
out around the Baikonur. The theater is a popular hangout for skinheads and
killing 12-year-olds is certainly cheaper than going to a movie. The militsia
figures at least two kids jumped him and stabbed him, just for kicks.
FALL GUY
Only a rare murder case in Russia actually has a twist in
it. Usually, the perpetrators are too drunk and stupid to even to try to throw
the militsia off their trail. Besides, their lives suck so horribly that they
are too apathetic to attempt to save their asses.
This seemingly unimaginative case begins with two corpses
found on the outskirts of Moscow last Sunday. The husband and wife were found
lying in the snow within two meters of each other. The man was an invalid
confined to a wheelchair. Both had been killed with an axe to the head.
The militsia, according to Moskovsky Komsomolets, quickly
figured out who the main suspect was. A 46-year-old friend had visited that day
to help the couple out around the house. They had obviously done some drinking,
had a fight and whack, no more problems. It is the oldest story in the books.
The cops figured he had gotten angry and chopped up his friends.
His guilt was further established when they called his
relatives and found out he was missing. They didn’t dispute that he could have
killed an invalid. Obviously he had tried to skip town, but the militsia knew
his type never got too far. They’d find him.
And they did. The next day, his frozen body was found lying
not too far from the dead couple.
Someone had also given him the smack down with an axe.
The militsia had just blamed the wrong worthless alcoholic.
That same day, they found the real culprit. It was a 64-year-old neighbor of
the couple who had offed everyone. Otherwise, the militsia had gotten the story
right.
RANDUMB
Petting dogs isn’t safe these days, even when you know the
dog in question. That is a lesson that Tanya Guseva didn’t have time to learn
in her short life.
The third grader was going for a walk with her mother around
6 in the evening when she spotted her neighbor’s dog. According to Moskovsky
Komsomolets, she ran over to pet the beast and tragedy struck.
Almost as soon as she reached the animal, the little girl
started bleeding from the neck. Nobody understood what was happening. After
all, the dog hadn’t done anything. What happened was that Tanya had been shot.
Obviously, no one had it in for Tanya. Not only was she a
sweet girl loved by her peers and teachers alike, but also she was only 11.
Besides, she lived in a generally civilized part of Moscow.
The only motive that the militsia has come up with is that
some hooligan was aimed for the dog and hit the girl by mistake. The cops
haven’t determined where the bullet was fired or from what type of gun.
Random crimes like this are the hardest ones to solve. All
the cops can do for now is recommend that people think twice before doing
something as rash as petting a dog.
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