Finally, you can buy Detsky Panadoll’s debut CD “AM” in a kiosk near you! And they’re throwing a party to celebrate. Everyone’s invited to Budda Bar, where the DP’s democratic door policy is sure to attract the masses and frighten away suckers of every stripe. Get there early enough and you might even get some of the free tea and cake served in the chill-out room. Not to mention child-strength chewable painkillers. Cool DJs you’ve never heard of before will be spinning music you can put your mind into. Also expect a special appearance by the legendary Putin Image Limited and shocking surprises galore. And, most importantly, a live performance by Moscow’s only bilingual funk and hip-hop group! See the ad on page 2 for more details, and hold your breath for a CD review next issue—just as soon as we get our hands on a copy.

Just when you thought the whole tattoo/piercing fad was ending, it comes to Moscow. Torture Garden, which promotes itself as the world’s largest fetish club, is stopping by Club XIII for a single night of naughtiness. These Brits take on an almost missionary zeal when promoting an edgy lifestyle filled with latex and stainless steel. It’s all so Bay Area. Club XIII is going to divide itself into four spaces: a dance floor, two fashion shows, and a freak show. Rumor has it the freak show will include caged bums lifted from Leningradsky Vokzal. Sadists will get to taunt them with bottles of vodka placed just out of reach of the bums. There’s also going to be a dungeon where Moscow’s alternative masses can explore their wild side. Our nipples are getting hard just thinking about it.

Only direct intervention by Jesus has kept this group alive. Once upon a time in the early 90’s they were a pretty popular group among a certain crowd. Then, they fell into an unproductive junkie period. And just when we thought they had died, they pulled a Lazarus. During the last few months they’ve ditched their spent old front man and returned to the scene. Expect to hear some of their latest hits, including the instant classic “Alexander the Great was Actually Gay.” They play crazy reggae-influenced music that makes you want to dance against your better judgment. Think of it as the collision of ska and that enigmatic Eurasian soul. We aren’t sure what that means, but we’re pretty sure we like it.

Here’s a group that provides a textbook example for all those struggling Russian bands out there trying to make the big time. Step 1: find yourself an American (or occasionally English) one-hit wonder from about five years ago. This foreign band may or may not have been popular in Russia. Then learn to play the catchiest riff the band has to offer. Add Russian lyrics. Voila! You have yourself a potential hit. Now all you do is pay off a couple radio stations for some airtime, and you can reach the pinnacle of the Russian music industry. Total copied the washed-up alternative sound of that long forgotten group Guano Apes and used the above formula to achieve spectacular success. They even got to open for Marilyn Manson at Olympisky Stadium! It just doesn’t get much better than that, kids.

Bega is trying to unite the disparate worlds of rock-n-roll and striptease. What will they think of next? In one room, a new project by Leningrad called Tri Debila, Ober Maneken, and DJ-project-gone-wild Nozh Dlya Frau Mueller will be performing. In the other hall, there will be male and female strippers. The organizers hope the party’s name will encourage people to go home with strangers and wendel. The 350-ruble cover is pretty steep, but if the party is true to its name the night will be turn out cheaper than most whores.

If it’s Brit Pop, then it must be Blast… and that’s just what you’ll get two Fridays from now at Voodoo Lounge. They’ll be sure to play plenty of old favorites, plus some brand new shit we haven’t quite got our ears around yet.