STRIP LITE
What the fuck is going on? There are no fucking new clubs anywhere in this fucking lame ass excuse for a city. How the fuck am I supposed to do my fucking job when nothing ever fucking changes. Every fucking week some two bit anal extract like Rock Vegas announces a new S and M faggot friendly Wednesday night party.
But you know something? I don’t give a fucking shit about that fucking shit. I mean, I want a new fucking club every once in a while. Is it that fucking hard to get the little slutties to come to a new place? I mean shit, this city is supposed to be rolling in the fucking dough. But what the fuck is the point of money if you can’t use it to fuck underage bitches? What is going on? Its like Russia is becoming Americanized. Fucking commies.
I’m starting to get pretty fucking pissed off about what a fucking beat town this is. Last week I got this fucking invitation to a new place by Kolomenskaya Metro called ORBITA. I had no fucking idea what it was, but I thought I would check it out just for the fuck of it, you know? I get there, and it is a fucking movie theater.
Why the fuck would Higgins want to go see fucking movies dubbed into fucking monkey talk? I don’t give a shit if it’s free. I don’t want to see fucking Will Smith talking about pirogi.
But fuck, it was Wednesday night and I didn’t have anything better to do, so I figured I’d grab a couple of free drinks and see if Dracula 2000 would be better if I couldn’t understand it.
The movie of course sucked balls. I was sitting in the back row with Kino Kevin and he lit up a cigarette. You know, it was the fucking premier of the theater, so he figured he could. You know, we were VIPs. So he lights up and this guy next to me starts freaking the fuck out, throwing ice at him and yelling “No smoke, no smoke.” I mean, just like a fucking gook. Then the fucking fuck reaches over and grabs my beer. He just took my fucking beer!
I don’t know what the fuck that was all about, I mean, a man’s beer is his fucking castle. And I wasn’t even the one smoking. What a fucking prick. So, I took his girlfriend’s Pepsi and dumped it on her. If I can’t have my beer, the fuck’s gonna pay for it.
Anyway, for obvious reasons Krazy Kevin and I got the fuck out of there pretty quick. But take my advice, that fucking Orbita sucks big donkey fucking dick.
The next night I got invited to some new thing at BEGA. I know I wrote about that dump just a couple months ago but back then it was just a shitty rock club and now its got strippers. So I figured that it might actually be worth while this time. I mean, what the fuck, strippers can’t be all that bad, you know.
Anyway, they have this new Thursday night program called something like Light Connections. I guess they think that the name is pretty suggestive. Actually, it’s a load of fucking shit. There weren’t any single sluts there - the only light fucking connection was the fucking fliers for some sex hotline on all tables. And what the fuck do I need some bitch talking dirty to me in Russian, you know what I mean?
The theme is pretty fucking weird: they combine live music and stripping. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of fucking stripping in my day, but it is always to canned Bon Jovi or Guns-n-Roses or something.
But these chicks here were shimmying to live rock. Well, at least to this one group Ober Maneken. Apparently, Thursday was this group’s last concert, as they’re breaking up. Thank Jesus fucking Christ for that. They were so fucking out of tune and depressing that I didn’t even get a woody watching the lesbian act that accompanied them.
Most of the strippers were pretty cute, although they were definitely a small-jugged breed. Real thin, too. A couple of them had visible bruises - this one who had long blonde hair had a big ol’ blue mark on her left ass cheek - and that was pretty fucking hot. And, these bimbos aren’t afraid to do lap dances. It wasn’t the most raunchy lap dance I’ve ever had, but you don’t have to pay extra for it either.
The other weird thing is that the VIP room was full of fucking fag strippers. What the fuck? It was the only place I could get free drinks, but I don’t want to have to look at that shit. And there were all these fucking New Russian ass pirates watching. Talk about fucking deranged fucks.
Anyway, I haven’t even got to the best fucking part. The head lining group fucking rocked. This group Tri Debila was so fucking good I didn’t even care that the strippers stopped for their show. Those fuckers can play. And they even had this hot accordion-playing chick. I guess she’s married to one of the guys in the group, but at least she gave me something to jack off to. Cause there weren’t going to be any light connections for me that fucking night.