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NATO and Natalia Medvedeva. Thursday, April 5. Bunker. 22:00
The former wife of Limonov is going to be singing her radical tunes along with the one time guitarist from Korozi Metal. Limonov gets credit for being the only reason anyone has any idea of who Natalia is. They were married back in the day when he was still in exile. Then she got old and he developed a taste for teenage bald chicks. And so everyone forgot about her. Now she devotes her time to writing books that nobody reads and singing for NATO. Our inside sources say that her anti-American lyrics are targeted at Knight Ridder, with the ultimate goal of getting written up in an analysis of how the Russians just don’t appreciate how much Uncle Sam has helped them in the last ten years. Then she’ll get another fifteen minutes of fame. Sounds like a pretty clever strategy.Das Scorpions. Friday, March 23. Olympisky Stadium. 19:00
Their manes might be a little thinner after three decades of rock but that won’t stop The Scorpions from packing hordes of metalisti into Olympisky this weekend. They will be playing all the classics, including the renamed, millennially appropriate Hurricane 2000 (formerly known as Rock You Like a Hurricane), and wearing shirts with the sleeves cut off. In recent months, Turkish shuttle traders have extra busy smuggling jean jackets to satisfy the forecast boom in sales that is always related to these concerts. A Victor Tsoi imitation band will be opening for the old German rockers. The Scorpions will also be humiliating a Russian symphony orchestra, who will be forced to play back-up during Matthias Jabs’ long soulful guitar jams. Alright!Tri Debila. Saturday, March 24. Kitaisky Lotchik. 23:00
Even Higgins admits that this group is the answer. Tri Debila is trimmed down version of Leningrad, having replaced all the horns except for the tuba with the tuba player’s cute accordion carrying wife. That move certainly increased the sex appeal of the group. Shnurov is still the front man and knows at least half of the room during any given concert. The crowd tends toward looser groupies that don’t button their shirts. We like ‘em, even if they sing far too much about smoking pot. They’re the exception that proves the rule. The band is rumored to hang out at Respublika after every show, but we won’t judge them for that, either.
Crossroads. Friday, March 23. MDM. 20:30
Hey, that’s pretty good blues for a bunch of Russians. Crossroads is probably the only Russian group out there that can sing in English with a believable accent. They still haven’t discovered their Delta Negro voices, but given a little more time anything is possible. The music is heavy blues that almost reminds us of the Rolling Stones. Still, they aren’t that bad. And they’ve even recorded with some Americans you’ve never heard of. Talk about prestige. Bring your own whiskey, though, as MDM management doesn’t know how to enjoy a good blues band properly.Official opening of Gorod. Friday thru Sunday, March 22-24. Gorod.
Gorod has been open for several months already but now it’s about to become official. What will they think of next? Expect lots of monotonous music from many of Moscow’s more indistinguishable DJ’s, including DJ Spider, DJ Fish and DJ Fanar. And lots of teenage ravers in shiny clothes and platform sneakers. Young, mildly rotten snapper from the edges of Moscow will be there in such large quantities that even a quadriplegic evangelist shouldn’t have any problems getting laid. After all, these girls live far enough from civilization to be charmed by vodka soaked ex-holes and will be looking for any possible way to avoid that long commute back home to Babushkin.Gay-pril. Sunday, April 1. Kitai Gorod. 12:00
Gay pride is finally coming to Moscow! Moscow’s gay community is organizing a parade to celebrate the first day of International Gay History Awareness Month, Gay-pril. The opening event is an umbrella event that invites gays, lesbians, bi, transgender (pre- and post-op) and even breeders. The march will gather in the park by Kitai Gorod and then proceed to Red Square, where Shura, Phillip Kirkorov and others will perform a benefit concert for HIV plus members of the gay community. This will be a Higgins-free event.The Beatles Band. Saturday, March 31. Boar House. 21:00
Stanley Williams says: “THE BEATLES CONCERTS AT BOAR’ HOUSE IS THE FIRST OF A SERIES OF (CONCERT EVENTS) brought to you from HEINEKEN BEER IN WHICH THEY FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW THEIR PRESENCE IN MOSCOW OF BEING THE NUMBER FORIEGN BEER IM-PORTER IN RUSSIA. STANLEY WILLIAMS OF BRAVE NEW CONCERTS HAS TEAMED UP WITH THE BEER LEADER, TO BRING YOU ONE OF THE NEW TRENDS IN SHOWBUSINESS. BRINGING IN BEATLE MANIA. BACK IN THE U.S.S.R.TICKET PRICE: FIRST COME FIRST SERVED BASIS. EXILE, PROUDLY SUPPORTS THIS... JACK, CAN YOU GIVE ME FIRST MENTION STAN