Sometimes I wonder what the fuck. I mean really, what the fuck? As in why the fuck would they open up a club before they finished redecorating the fucking place? What kind of dickless fuckface would have the balls to do a thing like that?

What does it take in this town to make these fucking dog dicks realize not to fuck with a Phi Delt? As in, don’t fuck with Mr Fucking Higgins. Cause you try, and you get a pole shoved so far up your ass you’ll be drooling shit.

I was especially pissed off because I figured this new fucking SAMOLET club was going to be a chick magnet. I thought it was going to bring all those Champion-type sluts a little closer into orbit. You know, those bimbos who hang around scoping for guys to invite them to bowl.

After all, this place billed itself as one of those entertainment complexes. You know, the whole fucking works - a million fucking bowling lanes, pool, video games. They even have a fucking Ferris wheel inside the fucking club. I was thinking young sluts a plenty.

And then I got to this fucking goat fucking club over by 1905 Metro. It’s all decked out in cheesy fucking techno airplane theme and the security is worse than on flights to some towelhead republic. After some fucking faggot tried to pinch my ass and then rubbed me down with a metal detecting dildo, I still had to go through a metal detector and get asked if anyone else had come in contact with my shit before I came. I mean, these fags were hoping for the anal probe.

I was ready to jet already. But, fucking moron that I am, I stayed. They hadn’t fucking finished the bowling alleys on the first floor and corralled me straight onto an escalator straight to the third floor. Up there all they got going is a bunch of fucking bowling alleys and a bar. From there you can check out the Ferris wheel, but that isn’t fucking working either. The fourth floor, where I guess all the video games and other shit should be, isn’t fucking open.

On the second floor they’ve got some pool tables and more un-fucking-finished space. Down there, there were fucking wires hanging everywhere. And they aren’t done with the fucking bathrooms yet either. They’re open and shit, but they don’t have much but a couple fucking toilets. I had been drinking brewskys all day before I got there so I decided to lodge my protest against the shitty state of everything. I pissed on their fucking untiled floor. Fucks.

Besides all this unfinished shit, there isn’t a fucking chick in the place, at least not one who didn’t come with a fucking pencil necked asshole. And even those bitches were fucking dogs. I didn’t even stay around to finish my drink.

I wasn’t defeated though. I’ve been hearing about this PARK AVE place over on Taganskaya. And this place is fucking sweet. Apparently the security will fucking hassle you if you look like you’re over 20. But Higgins cruised right in with his press card.

Let me just say I don’t know why the fuck they don’t let in old folks - some of these bitches were sluttier than I could dream of. I couldn’t corrupt those bitches if I tried.

So, with school sluts every-fucking-where, I settled in for an evening of selection. The thing I love about these fucking teen hangouts is that the bitches know how pathetic all their little boyfriends are. All you got to do is deal with a little shitty techno and you’re as good as laid.

Once I found my preferred baby, it took me about three and a half minutes to ditch her boy scout and come with me. Another three and a half minutes and we’re out the door. The only problem is, bitch didn’t want to come home with me because she had parents to think about. A little pressure, though, and I got her to polish my knob for me, right on the fucking street. Alright, I admit it wasn’t right on the street, but they got a ton of little courtyards around there. Fuck it, at least the night wasn’t completely wasted.