Mark’s, like, really klassny. He says he has a job and everything. And he’s not like any of the other boys that my mom sometimes lets me go out with. He doesn’t even live with his parents! And he didn’t try to grope me on a lavochka, but took me to a real restoran ALL the way in the center. He told me it’s called Vermel and that it’s really klassny and expensive. I’ve always wanted to go to a real restaurant, but my mom says they’re too expensive and my dad would have to redeem lots bottles to be able to afford to take us. (But my mom says in America they eat in real restaurants all the time!)

At first I was really bummed that Mark didn’t take me to McDonald’s. I mean, McDonald’s is really cool! And my friend Anya went last year, and she said it was really klassno, and I wanted to pull her hair out because it’s so unfair that she like got to go. She’s not even pretty—and she has zits!

But that was like way before I saw Vermel. I just know that Anya’s going to totally freak out when I tell her I went to a real restaurant—with tablecloths and waitresses and all that. Besides, Mark says McDonald’s isn’t a real restaurant at all (so ha!) and that in America only poor black people eat there.

So like we went to Vermel. And it was really cool. Like a cave, only with white walls and these pretty round lamps with pictures on them. Some guy who was dressed all in black came over and was really nice to Mark. I guess it’s because everyone really likes Mark because they know he has a job and doesn’t live with his parents. The menu there is really long, too, like 10 pages at least, and there’s all kinds of food! There’s chicken and beef and pork and mutton with potatoes that takes a whole hour to cook.

I knew Mark really really liked me when he said I could order ANYTHING I wanted. I was kind of scared at first. I mean, the salaty cost around 100 rubles! But Mark said that was OK, so I asked if I could have what’s called a “Caesar salad” (110R). I didn’t even know that you could make a salad without tomatoes and cucumbers and sour cream! The salad was really good, and I think it even had chicken in it. Mark had borscht (80R). He looked at it kind of funny and poked his spoon into it a few times before eating. But that’s because he has something called “giardia.” I don’t know what it is, but Mark said it wasn’t contagious, so I guess that’s all right.

Mark was really nice to me. He kind of just grunted during dinner but he looked like he was really interested when I talked about school, and my girlfriends, and how Anya comes to sleep at my house all the time because her dad’s an alkash who makes her take her clothes off when he’s drunk. He even asked where Anya lived! He’s takoy khoroshy!

I mean, Mark must really like me, right? Because he said I should also get the chicken wings (120R) with this spicy stuff he said was “salsa.” And I was even allowed to have the fish, a salmon steak (250R). It was really klassno, because they didn’t just give you fish, it also came with rice and lemon and the plate was really clean. I don’t know why Mark didn’t eat much. I guess it’s because he goes to restaurants all the time. He just had an omelet (80R) and then a pork chop with a really weird kind of cheese, “parmesan” (180R). He said he loved the omelet, but the pork tasted like rubber. I guess that’s pretty bad. But I don’t really know how anything could be bad in a real restaurant!

There were lots of other things on the menu, like spicy steak with vegetables (180R) and pork medallions in plum sauce (180R). Plus lots of fancy sounding drinks (110-140R) and beer (40R). And there are all kinds of desserts, which Mark said were cheap because they cost 90 rubles. I think he must be really rich, because 90 rubles is a lot where I live.

Mark didn’t let me try any of the desserts, though. And he didn’t want to stay for the concert, either. I really wanted to stay, but Mark kept grabbing my arm and telling me we had to hurry. There’re concerts at Vermel ALL the time, and all these klassny bands play there. But Mark really didn’t want to stay. He said I should be in bed, because it was already 11. I told him even my mom let’s me stay up until midnight, even on school nights!

But I know it’s not right for girls to contradict boys, and Mark’s takoy khoroshy! And then he even took me to his apartment, because he said he didn’t want my mom to be angry with me for coming home really late.

And when we got to his apartment, Mark said he’d marry me…. if I would just take off my dress so he could take pictures. You know, I’m not really sure what happened after that. Mark kind of grunted on top of me for a while, and sweated a lot, but it wasn’t like what I did in the bushes with Vadik last week, because that took ages, like 10 minutes, but Mark took like 2 minutes and then fell asleep. But maybe that’s what they do in America?

But it was a really expensive dinner in a real restaurant, so I guess it’s all right.