[SIC!]

E-mail us: editor@exile.ru

Editor’s Note:

Before you read on, we caution you: don’t ask us, we only work here. Over the last seven days, we’ve been stunned by the amount of mail sent to us regarding a single typo in the Moscow Times sports section that ran last week. Literally dozens of people wrote to us to demand that we “do something” about the Times headline of May 24: “Iverson Leads Bucks to Victory.” As we later found out, Times sports editor Nathan Gardner, being British, simply did not know that world-famous NBA star (this year’s league MVP) Allen Iverson plays for the Philadelphia 76ers, and that the victory he helped secure last week was against the Milwaukee Bucks, not on their behalf. Sixer fans were alternately outraged and crestfallen at the mistake, with some fans actually taking the headline to mean that Milwaukee had won the game.

As far as we can tell, letters began pouring in to the eXile when Times readers who called the paper to complain about the error were received frostily by Times secretaries and by Gardner himself. We get a lot of letters like this: people writing to urge us on to acts of violence and fiendishness against this or that annoying acquaintance. Usually we ignore them, as we did in this case. But in this instance, our letter writers appeared to be in no mood to take no for an answer.

 

All hell broke loose after one reader, who went by the very unfunny name of “SuckOnDis”, had his third and fourth letters to eXile editor Matt Taibbi go unanswered last Thursday afternoon. “Suck” ap-peared in the eXile chat room that evening and had to be removed by our system administrator after making various physical threats against eXile staff (“I’m gonna slice your fucking Jew balls off Ames” was a typical entry). He then reappeared under the name of “Clitterous” and immediately announced that he was going to “cause us some serious trouble” if we ever censored his chat appearances again. We laughed and deleted him again. Big mistake; immediately afterward, mysterious glitches began appearing on our website and mountainous reams of porn spam jammed up the e-mailboxes of all the eXile staffers. On last Friday alone, Taibbi, Ames, McElwee and designer Ilya Shangin each received over 8,000 e-mail messages from various net porn distributors, offering subscriptions and other services. Only after installing a series of anti-spam programs could any of the four download their mail.

 

After sorting out that nightmare, we gave up censoring anyone at all in the eXile chat room. Then, on Saturday, a heated discussion-probably involving our old friend “Suck,” although the e-mail ad-dress was different this time-about the Moscow Times “Iverson Leads Bucks” mistake. There were six people in the room at the start of the chat early Saturday night (8:34 p.m. Moscow time); by the time it wound down at 9:37 a.m. on Sunday, there were a full 38 people in the chat room, a record for the eXile website, and the discussion, amazing enough, was still focused almost entirely on the Times typo. Here’s an excerpt of that chat. Note the presence of soon-to-be-fired columnist Dan Higgins:

ManDeee enters the room
Grimm44: He’s not a kiwi he’s a Brit
Higgins: They’re all the fucking same
Joon: Hi Man
Higgins: Iverson rules!!!!
Boner: What’s the difference Grimm
NockdUp: The guys the fucking Mvp and they still missed it
ManDeee: Who’s a Brit
Higgins: That fuck Gardner
ManDeee: Hi Joon
SwallowdIt enters the room
Nastya: Is Mark in here?
Paris17 exits the room
Higgins: Frog faggot good riddance
Boner: Gardner’s a Brit
Groaning exits the room
BundtCake: Later queer
BundtCake: Bucks lover go fuck the Big Dog
Mandeee: You’re still talking about that
TexasHeeb: Grimm thinks Gardners ok
Joon: Mark’s not here Nastya get a life
BiCurious18: What else is there to talk about
TexasHeeb: that it was just a mistake
TexasHeeb: no big deal

According to our web guy, the chats died down sometime around Monday afternoon. But the letters are still trickling in, believe it or not. Hey, we don’t get it, either. Here are a few samples from the e-onslaught of the last week or so:

WHAT THE FUCK

Dear “[sic]”,

You guys suck but the Moscow Times sucks worse. Their paper today has Allen Iverson playing for the Bucks. The headline reads “Iverson Leads Bucks to Victory.” I called them up to complain and the secretary wouldn’t even put me through to the fucking sports editor. I told her I had to speak to him right away and she wouldn’t put me through. Then she hung up on me. What the fuck? If you guys don’t do something about this then you’re a bunch of tools.

Get on it

SuckOnDis

THIS [SIC] LETTER WILL NOT BE TELEVISED

Crackers,

Who the fuck do those motherfuckers at the Moscow Times think they are? I am an African-American and I am astounded, no, deeply offended, yeah, that one of my brothers was labeled as a “Milwaukee Buck” instead of a “Philadelphia 76er”. Apparently the faggot hymie sports editor thinks that all black people look alike, play alike, and can’t read, so who the fuck gives a damn, right? Wrong! Now I can’t say I like this eXile publication much either, because you guys are all suffering from Negro Envy. But those motherfuckers over at the Times won’t even talk to me when I call. They think that all black men are just crazy and violent, which we aren’t unless provoked. So don’t provoke me, eXile motherfuckers. Print this letter and let those motherfuckers over at the Times know that the black man can only be pushed so far.

Peace,

Jamail Lewis

HITLER LEADS ALLIES TO VICTORY

Dear Editor,

I’m generally not the type who wastes time penning “Letters to the Editor,” but the horrendous error in the May 24 issue of The Moscow Times is compelling me to do precisely that.

The headline, “Iverson Leads Bucks to Victory,” which preceded an article about the 76ers’ stunning DEFEAT of the Bucks ? thanks to, of course, Iverson ? is simply irresponsible, considering that for a sports fan living in Moscow, the Moscow Times is, unfortunately, the first source of sports news in the morning.

I was not able to watch the game itself, and so turned to the sports page with much interest and anticipation. What I saw was a slap in my face. Did the sports editor, and I presume the paper must have a sports editor, even read the damn article? Can the guy even read? We’re talking about the Eastern Conference finals here! This is not Little League, and deserves at least a little bit of attention and respect. Other, and I must say lesser, sports seem to be handled with much more thoroughness. Never have I seen a headline “Owen Leads Arsenal to Victory.”

Now the reason I’m forced to write to the eXile is because when I tried to call up the Moscow Times, I was repeatedly told that the sports editor was not available. And when I finally did get through to the person I presume was the sports editor, I was rudely told that I’m overreacting and was then hung up on.

My conclusion: The sports editor must either be stupid, incredibly careless, or utterly apathetic to his crummy job, or all of the above, which is my guess.

So what’s The Moscow Times paying this guy for?

I say fire the asshole! And I hope the eXile will help me work to get this admirable aim achieved.

Regards,

Phillip Karlow

Moscow

i hope he dies

Dear Editor,

You guys have gotten way too lax on that pathetic “rival” paper of yours. It’s been putting out trash left and right, starting from the front page and continuing to the sports page, of all things. Being the editor of the sports page is not exactly the most demanding job. I should know. I used to be a sports editor myself. The job doesn’t entail much. You read the wires, you pull the wires, you write a headline. And how many words are in a headline? 5? 6? I’ve always figured anyone with an IQ above 60 can string 6 words together correctly.

Evidently I was wrong. “Iverson LEADS BUCKS to Victory.” (Moscow Times, May 24) What the hell? The lead paragraph of the article plainly states that a) the Bucks LOST and b) Iverson plays for the SIXERS. Your Lenin’s [NFL] Picks are more accurate than that ? and Lenin is DEAD.

So what are you guys going to do about this? Play nice and let the Times off the hook once again? If you can pie an employee of the New York Times, you can certainly commit some act of senseless violence against the Times’ pathetic excuse for a sports editor.

I say hunt down the moron who wrote that, string him up a tree and let him hang there upside down until he can prove his ability to read. If he dies, he dies. Obviously, the world of sports won’t be losing out on much.

Pete

I DISMEMBER LOPES

Dear eXile,

You guys are always picking on the Moscow Times but if you miss this, you’re blind.

On May 24, the Times printed a headline that read “Iverson Leads Bucks to Victory.” Allen Iverson, as you probably know, plays for the Philadelphia 76ers. Not an easy mistake to make, I’d imagine.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s written, but you guys just have to do something about this.

Sincerely,

A. Lopes

PICK MY NIT

Dear [sic],

I was in your chat room this weekend and there was this amazing conversation about this guy who fucked up a headline in the Moscow Times. There was some guy in the chat who was making a huge stink about it. Come to think of it, there was more than one guy who was making a stink about it. You ought to put a stop to this kind of thing, it hurts your reputation. People already say that you’re always making a big deal about nothing. The whole “March Madness” thing was a classic example. Some poor reporter misquotes some guy and you immediately tab him as an agent of the international global conspiracy. This thing with the headline doesn’t help.

Sincerely,

John Hegert

Durham, NH

p.s. I really liked the Kerrey piece, but even that was a little nitpicky.

BETTING ON THE BRIT

Dear [sic],

Why does the Mosscow Times even bother having a sports page? By the time they get around to running the U.S. game scores it’s like, what?, three days later. And then they don’t even get it right such as they did on Thursday with that Iverson playing for the Bucks headline. Some friends and I had a $50 bet going that sports editor Nathan Gardner was a Brit, so I called him up to settle the score. The limey homo admitted it straight out! Then when I asked him “what the fuck he was thinking” by trading “The Answer” to Milwaukee the fuck hung up on me. They should axe the whole sports section, in my opinion, and spend what little money they save on better ink. The shit they use now always rubs off on my fingers.

Craig from Broad Street