LEGEND: Old people "Control shot" Riddled with bullets Podyezd Cannibalism Cries for help ignored Investigation continuing Children Low-yield murder Really stupid criminal Carved up like a turkey Killing "connected with professional activities of victim" Hunger-related crime Murder-suicide

Silicon boobies? You be the judge...

THE PRO-LIVIN’S

Abortion may be murder but it sure can’t beat good old fashion infanticide. It’s cheaper than getting a fetus sucked out of the womb and doesn’t require anesthetics. Not that the neighborhood poliklinik uses anesthetics either, but this way the mother gets to enjoy the unique joy of childbirth without the pain of breast-feeding.

A woman from Moscow oblast village of Leony Voskresensky decided to try her hand at baby killing in May. But it wasn’t your ordinary teen-mom-can’t-deal-with-the-responsibility convenience kill. The murderer was a 34-year-old mother who was well on her way to becoming a Mat-Geroina. She already had five daughters between the ages of two and 14.

According to Moskovsky komsomolets, this woman was the village hussy. Her daughters all had different fathers and even after several childbirths managed to constantly exchange old lovers for new ones. She had the requisite drinking problem and switched jobs even more frequently than she did men.

Her daughters didn’t expect much from their mother. They pretty much took care of themselves and felt like they were to blame for mommy’s condition. After all, she spent plenty of time complaining about her unlucky fate—if only she had a boy, she might have stopped popping out kids and gotten her shit together.

So when the mom got knocked up yet again, everyone was hoping for a brother. Following an already established pattern, the father ditched her before she gave birth. It wasn’t like it was the first time this happened and hardly explains the mother’s rash decision.

In May, she gave birth to twin boys in the toilet of her house. She went through the birthing possess alone. Two was more testosterone than she cared to handle, however, and she killed them. According to her testimony, one was a stillbirth and she drowned the other to save him from growing up without his twin brother. Area authorities are currently performing autopsies to determine the cause of death.

After killing one or both of the newborns, she wrapped them in a cloth and buried them in a near-by field. Apparently, she didn’t stop to wonder if anybody would question her about her suddenly shrunken stomach. She managed to evade questioning for over a month before someone ratted her out to the cops. Forensics will determine how many years she’ll get in jail.

CLOSE SHAVE

Suicide on the Metro is usually a pretty straightforward affair. The proper way to do it, as Moskovsky komsomolets notes, is to toss yourself in front of a moving train a la Anna Karenina.

But for a 36-year-old bomzh from Kaluga oblast, literary conventions weren’t good enough. He wanted to go out in a blaze of glory.

Two weeks ago, the depressed man arrived in Moscow from his hometown and got on the metro at Tyoply Stan on the orange line. At around 4 p.m., he sat in the front wagon and behaved himself all the way to Belyaevo.

Things got ugly when the train doors closed. Just after the train started moving, he pulled out a straight razor and started slicing his veins. None of the dozens of passengers were moved to help him; everybody fled at once to the opposite side of the wagon and watched the blood bath from afar.

The bomzh managed to slice himself 10 times on the arms and legs before finishing off with a stroke across the jugular. As the train pulled up to Kaluzhskaya, all the commuters bailed, leaving him to bleed to death alone on the ride to Noviye Cheryomushki.

Once there, the train was decommissioned but the man was long dead before any doctors could get to him.

He didn’t leave any note for the reasons behind his suicide. According to his passport, he was divorced several years ago. He had also been jailed several times for possession of narcotics. Little else is known about the man, except that he was overdressed for summer. He had on several layers of clothes at the time of death. Maybe he was just too hot to go on living.

 

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PET CEMETERY

Prison time might be the reward for one of Moscow’s more creative entrepreneurs. An unemployed Moscow resident placed an ad in various area papers for a dog resettlement program run out of his apartment on Severny bulvar.

The idea was simple—oftentimes people just don’t have room in their lives for their dogs. Puppies grow up to lose their appeal, families move to smaller apartments, long working hours make it impossible to walk the beast regularly. This agency promised a way out for those who loved their dog but just couldn’t handle it any more, for the insignificant one-time fee of 500 to 800 rubles.

He told the customers that the dogs were resettled with loving families, where they would grow old in happiness. Actually, they were all sent to doggy heaven.

Once the man got the dogs, he would lead them to their death in his apartment. Alternately, the sadist would kill them with a hammer or a knife. Then, so as to facilitate disposal, he dismembered the pups. It is unknown whether he then sold the parts to area Chinese restaurants.

If families contacted him asking to see their dog after the resettlement, he told them that the dog had suffered a difficult separation process and seeing its former owners would cause an unnecessary trauma in the beast’s life.

His neighbors often complained about unusual noises coming from his apartment, but he successfully hid any incriminating evidence each time the cops came. Or he just paid an acceptable bribe.

On a recent visit, however, the payoff wasn’t big enough. An animal-loving cop entered his apartment and found pieces of a recent client lying in a pool of blood. Nobody knows how many furry friends he did in, but he is looking at some pretty serious jail time. The judge is supposedly a dog-lover.

Hey, nice socks!

BUSINESSMAN SHOT

The recent weather might be a drag for dacha-goers but it sure helps out contract killers. During a thunderstorm last week, a hit man opened fire on Viktor Gibza’s Mercedes right in the very center of Moscow.

The murder took place on Yauzkaya ulitsa, right near the new restaurant Kult. It happened in the parking lot of the Central Customs Duties office (TsAT), which oversees excise taxes on various imported goods. Gibza, the director of the firm “Suvenir-trans,” often had business there. He was known as the kind of guy who could speed up various bureaucratic snafus.

After leaving the TsAT office, Gibza sat in the back of his Mercedes. However, before his driver even had time to start the engine, a hail of bullets was fired into the car. Apparently, the hit man had scouted Gibza’s habits out pretty well; almost all the bullets hit their target, even though the car’s windows were tinted. His bodyguard got hit once in the hand.

Thanks to the storm raging outside, nobody (except the bodyguard) even heard the shots. The killer, who was dressed in all black, escaped from the scene easily.

Initially, the cops suspected the boss of TsAT had been killed, and hurried to the scene to avenge one of their own. But, when it turned out that it was just another influence-pedaling gangster, they became significantly less excited about the investigation.

There are no suspects as of yet and, as Moskovsky komsomolets said, a man like him has many possible enemies. Don’t count on this audacious murder being solved any time in the near future.