SHOW TIMES All films shown in Russian, except those marked * (subtitled) and as otherwise indicated.   AMERICAN HOUSE OF CINEMA Radisson-Slavjanskaya Hotel M: Kievskaya, 941-8747 (All films in English; Russian headphone translation Tue.-Sun.) The Art of War June 30-July 1: 17.00 Nurse Betty June 30: 15.00, 19.10; July 1: 17.00, 19.10 Exit Wounds June 30-July 1: 13.00, 21.10   DOME CINEMA 18/1, Olympiysky prospekt M: Prospect Mira, 931-98-73 (All films in English; Russian headphone translation by headphones) Tomb Raider June 28-29: 19.00, 21.15, 23.15; June 30: 12.30, 14.30, 16.30, 19.00, 21.30, 23.30; July 2-3: 19.00, 21.00; July 4: 17.00, 19.00, 21.00; July 5-7; July 8: 12.30, 14.30, 16.30, 19.00, 21.30   35 MM 47/24, Ul. Pokrovka M: Krasnye Vorota, 917-5492 XXIII Moscow International Film Festival Mesto na zemle June 28: 18.00 La faute a Voltaire June 28: 13.00 Eureka June 28: 22.30 Maelstrom June 29: 14.00 Liam June 29: 18.00 Una lunga lunga lunga notte d’amore June 29: 19.00 Intimacy June 29: 21.30; June 30-July 4: 10.00, 12.00, 14.00, 16.15, 19.00, 21.15, 23.30 The Deep End June 29: 0.00 Monkey’s Mask June 29: 0.00 Eloge d’amour June 29: 20.00 Vingar av glas June 29: 16.30 Fils de deux meres (ou, Comedie de l’innocence) June 29: 15.30 Trouble Every Day June 29: 22.00 Rage June 29: 13.00 Dancing at The Blue Lagoon July 5: 10.00, 12.00, 14.00, 16.15, 22.00, 00.00; July 6-8: 10.00, 14.20, 16.30, 19.00, 21.15, 23.30   Sportland — Movie Restaurant Novy Arbat, 21 Metro: Arbatskaya Tel: 291-20-41 No cover City Hall* June 28: 13.00; July 1: 23.00 Wrongfully Accused* June 28: 23.30; June 29: 13.00 She’s All That* June 29: 21.00 Arlington Road* July 2: 13.00; July 4: 13.00; July 6: 21.00 The Muse* July 2: 21.00; July 5: 13.00 Half A Chance* July 3: 13.00; July 6: 13.00 The Whole Nine Yards* July 9: 13.00; July 11: 13.00; July 13: 21.00 Vmesto Menia* July 9: 21.00; July 12: 13.00 Free Money* July 10: 13.00; July 13: 13.00

Let me just start by saying that video games aren’t exactly my bag, baby (or at least they haven’t been since the era of arcade classics like “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” and “720”). And that goes double for would-be summer blockbusters based on video games.

About all I know about the TOMB RAIDER video game is that it was a fairly big hit when it was first released back in 1996, and has grown progressively less popular with the release of each successive sequel on a more or less annual basis (the most recent one being 2000’s “Tomb Raider: Chronicles,” the fifth in the series). The game’s draw is apparently connected primarily with its main character, Lara Croft, a femme fatale Indiana Jones with a cockney accent who runs around in skintight tank tops and hot pants (and, on some of the game’s levels, in just her undies) “raiding tombs” for ancient booty and other priceless loot, as it were.

As such, the choice of Angelina Jolie to play the live-action version of Lara Croft should more than appease pre-pubescent (and older) boy fans of the game, to the extent that any of them are still interested. You don’t actually get to see her tits in the film, but presumably most viewers would be able to draw Ms. Jolie’s tits from memory by now anyway. The more imaginative among us could probably even come up with a fairly realistic portrait of Jolie’s creepy middle-age redneck husband Billy Bob Thornton kneeling before his naked bride in a French maid’s costume. But that is neither here nor there. One qualitative note, however: prior to the wedding, the directing Thornton produced the endearingly depressing Slingblade; after the wedding, meanwhile, he has given us All the Pretty Horses—a tedious film version of an even more tedious novel.

But getting back to Tomb Raider… so our Angelina is busy running around—all the while making the most of her impressively pouty lips and no-less-impressive bosom—trying to recover a fabled artifact called the Triangle of Light that has been broken into two pieces. Now, as the nine planets are about to align for the first time in 5,000 years, a secret society of Illuminati are trying to find these two hidden pieces and bring them together. If they succeed, they will have control over time. If this all sounds like the plot of that one South Park episode with Barbra Streisand, Sydney Poitier, and the Cure’s Robert Smith, it’s probably because Trey Parker and Matt Stone borrowed that plot from the “Tomb Raider” video game in the first place (although, on second thought, it might have been from Dr. Who).

In the Illuminati’s way, of course, is Lara Croft, acting on written instructions from her dead, beloved father, Lord Croft (Jon Voight, Jolie’s real-life dad, a piece of trivia that would have impressed low-level movie buffs back in say 1994, I guess). The result is a predictably Matrix-inspired action fest with gobs and gobs of state-of-the-art special effects and very little in the way of acting, character development, etc. Which is all very well, if you’re into that sort of thing.

With a budget of $80 million and a respectable opening weekend box office take of nearly $50 million, this one should end up making a sizable profit and possibly even generating a summer sequel or two—a pretty rare occurrence in the old video-game-adaptation genre.

But for my money, I’d just as soon sit at home and watch Naked or Withnail & I again for like the twelfth time. Although I could easily see good old Richard E. Grant showing up in a Tomb Raider sequel, if there is one. Come to think of it, why there has never been a kick-ass football movie about the Tom Flores-era Oakland Raiders is beyond me. But again, that is an entirely other story…

 

Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak (an established cinematographer whose Romeo Must Die was a reasonably entertaining action flick and, as it were, the closest thing we have to an Oakland Raiders movie), EXIT WOUNDS would probably have been a fairly decent action pic in its own right… if, that is, it didn’t have the likes of 49-year-old Steven Seagal weighing it down. But not even Mr. Seagal can completely destroy the fun of an attractively filmed ultraviolent romp starring both Isaiah Washington and rapper DMX, not to mention former Roseanne hubby Tom Arnold and Bruce McGill (D-Day from Animal House).

The plot, to the extent that there is one, is certainly not worth going into here, but suffice to say that Seagal plays an overweight alcoholic cop subject to goofy fits of rage, while DMX (who also appeared in Romeo Must Die) is a dot-com “gazillionaire” with a booming heroin business and a spot on the board of his pal’s nudie bar. If that wasn’t already funny enough, the two of them then team up to bring down a ring of crooked cops. Hell, a stillborn child could write the rest of that script. Particularly knowing that Seagal’s “character” is fond of delivering such noir-ish one liners as “I’m in hell,” and that one scene involves our intrepid hero getting up and fighting on immediately after a 10-second meeting with a stun gun.

All in all though, about the best thing you can say about Exit Wounds is that it stays up on the screen but a mere 91 minutes. Families, on the other hand, will appreciate that the film features many strong, loyal, brave women and minority characters. God knows we could all use just a little bit more loyalty from our minorities and womenfolk.

 

Say what you will about Wesley Snipes and what little remains of his once-promising career, he certainly seems to enjoy appearing in movies that feature lots of Asians. In the case of Christian Duguay’s (Screamers) THE ART OF WAR, Snipes plays a special agent working covert operations for the United Nations who gets caught up in the middle and set up as the fall guy after the Chinese Ambassador is assassinated.

What follows is your typical Fugitive-inspired, innocent-man-clearing-his-name adventure (see Enemy of the State et al), but at least the action sequences are nicely choreographed. It’s also pleasing that the boss who hangs Snipes out to dry is played by the ever-bitchy Anne Archer. Truly an unpleasant woman in every possible respect, Archer’s presence onscreen can only be tolerated in such a role.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, Snipes manages to get to the bottom of the vast, sweeping conspiracy—the result of various convoluted and barely explained alliances between Chinese businessmen, U.S. government agencies, and representatives of the ever-present Triad—with the help of a pretty Chinese translator (played by Marie Matiko). She’s not quite as pretty as I might like, but those of you with highly sensitive gook-dars should at least appreciate the effort.

Tack on the de rigeur semi-ambiguous ending and Duguay’s not-entirely-offputting aping of the patented John Woo style (black-and-white inserts, excessive use of slo-mo shots, etc.) and you’ve pretty much got the idea. Also, screen vets Donald Sutherland and Michael Biehn show up just long enough to pick up a paycheck, for what that’s worth—roughly a million bucks each, I would assume.