Issue #28/83, February 10 - 17, 2000  smlogo.gif

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Will you "do it tonight"?

Will you walk out alive?

Will cheap-O eXile readers afford the beer?
Will you show up to an empty, haunted mausoleum?
= no you won't
= you might, maybe
= you WILL indeed
= probably
= just don't bump into anyone
= run like hell
= $2-3 per beer
= $4-$5 per beer
= $6-$60,000
This isn't a rating factor, folks. Every club, bar, politican, and yes, newspaper, is on the verge of collapse. When you see this by a bar, it means, "financial crisis victim." Vsyo.


Cheers: Delicious microbrewed beer served in a spacious East German beer hall. Attracts somewhat older submerging middle-class Russians and expats. Great place for eXpat womyn hunting boyfriends with brightly-colored sweaters. Great food options (see restaurant).
Jeers: Has a sort of Minneapolis/Radissonesque atmosphere which makes you feel like you're on a bad business trip. Chick lip-synchs shite pop tunes. Whores are second-tier bargain-basement types.
Cover: None
M: Arbatskaya
Phone: 203-6936, 291-9079
Address: Novy Arbat 19
Hours: rest:12.00-24.00, bar: always


Cheers: Cheap beers and cocktails, centrally located in the renovated Gostiny Dvor. They just celebrated a kickin' 5-year anniversary party. Waytago, guyz! Whoo-hee! Has three large rooms each with its own atmosphere. Scores of pool tables; locals scratch so often that you'll look like Minnesota Fats compared to them; decent music, place to hang. Michael Hutchence agrees and gave it two tightly-bound belt buckles WAY up.
Jeers: Self-service service means you have to get up from the tables; long waits for pool tables; indefinable crowd, which may confuse simpleton eXholes.
Cover: None
M: Kitai Gorod
Phone: 293-3553
Address: Khrustalny Pereulok 1
Hours: Daily from 17.00 to 6.00, weekends from 12.00 to 6.00


Cheers: Easily boasts the most beautiful, classy pool tables in Moscow; has a VIP room that you can rent for cheap. Cozy, comfortable atmosphere; boat hotel docked next door cheap places (400,000R for a night) to take your date.
Jeers: If you don't like pool and you don't have a car, then don't bother coming here. Although the food is good...
M: Rechnoi Vokzal
Phone: 234-1790
Address: Leningradskyoe Shosse 55 (inside Rechnoi Port Park)
Hours: Daily from 12.00 to 5.00, Sunday 14.00 to 5.00

B.B. King

Cheers: Good place to hang out and listen to live blues/jazz music. Friendly student-staff, relaxed atmosphere. Wide selection of beers. The place to hang after work, or to meet friends.
Jeers: Sting played here, and got out alive.
Cover: 50.000 rubles on Thur. and Sat. from 8p.m.
M: Tsvetnoi Bulvar
Address: Sadovaya-Samotechnaya 4/2
Phone: 299-8206.
Hours: Su-Th:12.00-2.00, Fri-Sat: noon- 5.00


Cheers: eXile alert! Friday Ladies' Nights are jam-packed with dyevs during the strip show. Come here with your reel and net and go fishin'! Deliciously colorful layout with two bars whipping up tropical cocktails, live music, and a separate super-delish restaurant. Has couches, TV monitors to watch bands. Eclectic crowd includes students, Africans, solidny types and decent babe factor.
Jeers:Chicks can be business class--and $$$. Plastic palm leaves sometimes get in your face; main bar impossible to get to.
Cover:Sun-Thurs: Free; Friday and Saturday nights free until 22.00 then a cover charge starts, discounts for the ladies.
M: Tretyakovskaya
Address: Raushskaya Nab. #4
Phone: 239-3045/6
Hours: Daily from 12.00 to 6.00

Cactus Jack's

Cheers:If you can find it, a good place to hang out for beer, music and pizzas or burritos. Has happenin' Thursdays and imaginitive parties featuring naked chicks 'n stuff. Cheap-O drinks gets a bony thumb-up from Starvin' Ivan.
Jeers: Located on top floor of depressing Brezhnev building, giving it more of a "Tundra Jack's" feel.
M: Leninsky Prospekt
Address: Orjonikidze 13
Phone: 958-0866
Hours: 12.00-02.00

Chesterfield's Cafe

Cheers:eXile alert! They just celebrated their 2nd year party with a sweaty, jam-packed shindig. Congrats to Rubin, Doug, Jean-Michel and the staff. Friday's are packed tight with heapings of sweaty, e-z dyevs. Tuesdays also come recommended. If you can deal with the techno-latino muzak, U might score! DJ Stanley has moved to Thursdays, so expect some increased mojosity there. Also features sports events on a huge TV. One of Moscow's premier bars. Usually packed with eXpats and smart Russians; features the (second) longest bar counter in Russia, huge rusting overhead pipes.
Jeers:High Joe Cocker factor. Most chicks require vodka goggles. Expensive drinks, slow service that keeps improving but still has a ways to go; may be too authentically Western for you culturally sensitive types.
Cover: 100R (includes one drink)
M: Kurskaya
Address: Zemlyanoi Val 26
Hours: 6pm-6am


Cheers:Quality new neighborhood pub done in the loveable British style and brought to you by veteran Brit-pub-pusher Chris, he of the original John Bull na Kutuzovsky fame. Includes top-notch Sunday evening unplugged concerts (Boris Grebenschikov kicked off the season here). Popular with after-work expats and re-emerging middle class Russians (ReEMRs). Wide selection of beers, restaurant features Brit and evropesky food, not prohibitively expensive either.
Jeers:Closes too early for serious alcoholics. What is this, London or something? Chris seems to like Russian pop muzak. You may hear people parrot Churchill's famous "enigma wrapped in a riddle" line--throw your beer in their face if they do.
Address:Leningradsky Prospekt 66
Hours:daily 11am - 11pm


Cheers:Judging by its early success, this is shaping up to be a popular new addition to the nightlife scene with its own scene. Wants to be more in the Respublika vein, but younger and less pretentious, without being on the mungy side like Svalka. Has a restaurant, good-priced drinks, attractive crowd that likes to dance on the dance floor, and even has live shows. Worth a midnite stop, and promises to keep improving. Free cover. Plays cheesy slow-dance tunes, a must for any club trying to avoid a NONS label.
Jeers:Interior lacks strong character, not that that really counts here. As far as we're concerned, character is usually defined by the crowd in these parts. DJs play pretty standard dance hits. A bit hard to reach from the metro.
Address:Sadovnicheskaya Ul. 71
Hours:Disco: 22.00-6am daily. Restaurant open from 12.00pm daily

Dyadi Sama (Uncle Sam's)

Cheers:Became the high-profile object of anti-American aggression when youths smashed the club's front windows recently. Funny thing is, this place is about as American as the Warsaw Hotel. Come here if you're a pedophiliac eXhole, and you're looking for some choice Light Industry Institute trim. Has two video games, big puffy booths. No cover means it attracts the poorer, younger clientelle that couldn't get into PJs or Propaganda. DJs play plenty of cheesy slow ballads, which is key for getting intimate with dyevs.
Jeers: Now they charge a cover meaning they're EMTPY as... EMPTY. Even the doormen cautioned us not to enter! Should be called Dyadi Scam's. You'll have to compete for scarce goods against mustached, pot-bellied contract killers.
Read Johnny Chen's review.
Phone:923-3744; 928-6743
Address:Ul. Myasnitskaya 18
Hours:Disco: Thu.-Sat. 20.00-5am. Restaurant open 12.00-5am daily

The Embassy Club

Cheers: eXile alert! This is THE premiere cigar bar/lounge in Moscow, attracting The Smart Crowd--and the pretentious. Come in your best suit to sample a super selection of cigars, cognac and wines. Gorgeous interior and comfy chairs and sofas that you'll never want to part with. Great selection of single-malt scotches. Walk-in humidor should impress upwardly aspiring dyevs, and the Cuban bartenders are said to make some wicked cocktails. Appropriately impressive toilets.
Jeers:Probably not for our less well-heeled readers; could be just a few months too late to capture its true niche. Seems like the kind of place where you might run into Mijay Vaheshwari.
Address:8/10 Bryusov Per., sort of between McDonald's on Gazetny Per., and the arch the next street up, through the small back streets; in the Dom Kompositorov

Fiesta (ex-Hungry Duck)

Cheers: eXile alert! Distinctively late-era Duckian mojo vaguely in evidence during recent "Ladies' Night" scientific audit by eXile staffers. Old Duck once again at least half-packed with young and available if not especially pretty girls on Fridays and Sundays. Medium-high johnson-grabbing factor. Bystanders again baring ripe aureolas during male strip show. Gross macking in booths observed. The beast may be back.
Jeers: Hot as a bitch in there. Beauty factor a noticeable notch even below last observed Duck levels. You already slept with some of these girls.
M:Kuznetsky Most
Address:Pushechnaya Ul. 9 (next to the Kuznetsky Most Metro)
Hours:12.00 - 6.00

Fox Terrier & Co.

Cheers:Well-designed pub/sports bar with numerous TVs showing Beavis & Butt-head. Yarpivo on tap and home-cooked Russian bar faves like mushroom julienne and borsht at prices inconsequential enough to soothe the cheapest of eXholes. Rumored to be having an all-U-can-eat/drink Super Bowl party for a mere 100-ruble entry fee.
Jeers:The rope handrails seem to indicate some kind of aborted nautical theme. Not exactly babe central. Those TVs can be distracting... especially if your friends are boring.
Address:5 Nizhnyaya Radishchevskaya Ulitsa


Cheers: eXile alert! Just had their first anniversary bash, and boy o' boy was it a jam! Proof that Garage is one place that no crisis can shut down. Packs in a good mixed crowd, not too pretentious. A recent visit revealed a cool mix of single, kulturniye babes, smart, arty guys, and a coterie of expats, meaning face control wasn't such a bad idea here. Great place to start the evening, or for after work. Hip New York-style bar: you enter through a thick steel door with a massive steel monkey wrench into a garage-themed basement bar. Delicious bar food and popular breakfasts.
Jeers:Strict doormen may turn off some of the more homely eXholes; can get tight when crowded; bourgeois.
Address:Ul. Tverskaya 15/2

Gentleman Jack's

Cheers:You may remember this place when eXhole extraordinaire Elijah opened it last year, only to get burned by the crisis. Welp, the times have a-changed. No longer a loud, buzzing bar, GJ's now caters to a more refined crowd--ie, Russian "entrepreneurs" with greeny. Several snazzy pool tables, refurbished bar, more comfy seating than ever. Good place to bring your date. Stu and Amy liked it.
Jeers:Not the place for loud Texan expats to whuup it up in. Drinks a bit pricey.
M: Kuznetsky Most
Address:Pushechnaya Ul. 9 (next to the Kuznetsky Most Metro)
Hours: 12.00 - 6.00

Hungry Duck

Cheers: Europe's most famous bar has re-opened under very strange Doug-less circumstances. This is like Kremlin politics at its ugliest, ain't it folks?
Jeers: The Duck's rep has been so thoroughly destroyed among even second-tier dyevs that it'll be a helluva feat trying to lure them back. Why fuck up a good thing in the first place?
Cover:120R for men, ladies free
M: Kuznetsky Most
Address: Pushechnaya Ul. 9 (next to the Kuznetsky Most Metro)
Hours:12.00 - 6.00

Jacko's Disco Bar

Cheers:Located in the snuggly little bar that was home to so much shameless mirth back in the heady McFaul-ian expat royalty days. Now, it's more Russified, but abuzz with Latino muzak, cheap drinks, and tables o' 2nd-tier dyevs. Weekend nights feature dance marathons and striptease.
Jeers:This Latino Muzak thing is getting out of hand. Jacko's was more special in the days when there were few choices.
M: Krasnaya Vorota
Address:Hotel Leningradskaya (Ul. Klanchevskaya 21/40)

John Bull Pub

Cheers:eXile alert! Tribune's anti-Kutuzovsky editorials we belive are due to inability to get advertisements from John Bull. Stand up for your rights! Only John Bull to feature good music. Tasty "bitter" and cozy seats; coolest music of any pub; foreign journalists from the compound mix with beautiful New Russians to form a sometimes-bizarre crowd. Best Sunday night hangout.
Jeers:Britain's Foreign Secretary, Robin Cooke, recently stopped in for a pint-does this mean that they're letting ANYONE in here? Still no new bomb explosions; crowd may be too tame for X-holes.
M: Kievskaya
Address: Kutuzovsky Pr. 4
Hours:Daily from 12.00 to 1.00, Fridays and Saturdays until 3.00

Kitaisky Lyotchik

Cheers/Jeers:New tusovka being opened August 26th by Moscow bohemian underground veteran Irena Papernaya
M: Kitai Gorod
Address: Lyubanksy Proezd 25
Hours:Sutki (24 hours)


Cheers:Destined to be a popular student hangout with the Plekhanov Institute set; groovy flying saucer hangs over the bar. Impresses young people. Great soups.
Jeers:Still a bit too expensive for your average student; space theme may remind you of Lost In Space remake flop. Waitresses never know what's in the sandwiches.
Address:Leninsky Prospekt 4


Cheers:New boho-arty club somewhere between the old Ptyutch and Trety Put'. Said to have reopened, and said to have a cool crowd. Said by Katya, our starlet designer. Located around the corner from the eXile offices.
Jeers:People who wear quirky horn-rimmed glasses and T-shirts that mean something.
M: Baumanskaya
Address: Spartakovskaya 14
Hours:Hell if we know

Krisis Zhanra

Cheers:Come here and mellow-out to some cool, live tunes with the rest of Moscow's Boho-intelli crowd. Good place to study in the daytime, or to sit and act alienated, waiting to be discovered by someone.
Jeers:Too many knatty sweater, fat-ass-jeans, quirky horn-rimmed glasses types. Omigod, what has this world come to?! The club is kind of hard to find - in a quiet residential area - which is also why the fun stops way too early. Boring, pretentious students.
M: Kropotkinskaya
Address: Bolshoi Vlasyevsky Per. Dom 4
Hours:Daily from 11 a.m. till 11 p.m

The Last Drop

Cheers:New, unpretentious cellar pub located just a hop, skip and jump from Garazh, without the humiliating door hassles. Come here to relax, sample their fine selection of draft beer, play a game of pool, or just chew the fat after work. Too few places like this in central Moscow.
Jeers: Bills itself as "Czech" but standard wood-paneling and white walls could be found anywhere in Central/Eastern Europe. Not a place to go if you're looking for some mischief. See Stuart Pratt's knee-knockin' review.
M: Pushkinskaya
Address: Strasnoi Bulvar 4 (through the arch)
Hours:24 hours opening June 10

Le Club

Cheers:eXile alert!Weekends are packing 'em in, as Le Club is finally achieving the kind of popularity it deserves. Brian's going mad arranging theme nights, parties and the like. The promo party machine is gearing up with free drinks for the ladies, snacks for all, live music and god knows what else. Local expats and trying-to-emerging middle class Russians packed the place. Has probably the best interior design of any kulturny-middle-class club in Moscow: long brass bartop with sauna lights, pastel seats and hidden booths. Great place to take a date or a group of friends. Good food and drink deals to bust the crisis.
Jeers:DJ played some pretty painful 70s shite at blistering volumes. Thankfully, manager had it toned down.
Address:20 Radichevskaya (Across from Taganskaya metro station on Radichevskaya-you'll see a sign on a brick building)
Hours:Sun-Thu: 12.00 - 02.00; Fri, Sat: 12.00 - 05.00


Cheers:Cheesy dyev-friendly dancehall with Russo-DJ. Good bartenders. Is undergoing management change. Drastically reduced Bass factor.
Jeers:eXile alert!Since Bass was tossed out, Lips has dried up. Gone are the stunning leg-babes that Bass shipped in from pod Moskvoi, and gone are the blazer-totin' pot-bellied expats and Europeans with ludicrous facial hair. Stay tuned to these pages as Lips' management prepares to relaunch the club.
Address:2nd Tverskaya Yamskaya d.40/3 (behind Tverskaya Hotel)

Lucky Bar

Cheers:Mr. Ahn's m'm good Russo-Sino-Vietcongo food, cozy, atmosphere, live street music. Good selection of beers.
Jeers:Not the place for wild, thrill-seeking eXholes; darkish.
Address:Taganskaya Ploschad, 10/2

Mesto Vstrechi

Cheers:eXile alert! An eXile favorite haunt just off Tverskaya has just opened a back room disco to compliment the bar and restaurant. Kulturny krowd, perfect place to take a date. Managers always come up with whacky ideas for drinks, including crisis cocktails.
Jeers:Could be too kulturny for a good portion of our readership. For some reason, we just feel weird dancing here.
Address:9/8 Maly Gnezdnikovsky Per.
Hours:12.00 - 5.00


Cheers:Drinks well-priced, better mix of eXholes and Russians than before. Crowded on weekends. Live music, good atmosphere that will remind you of home, civilized clientele. Awesome five dollar burritos on Wed. and cheap 3 for a buck buffalo wings on Tues.
Jeers:No more Bobby. High baseball-cap factor. Hard to get a seat on weekend nights.
Address:Ul. Bolshaya Polyanka 54
Hours:Daily 12.00 to 5.00, weekends to 10.00

Murena Bar

Cheers/Jeers:See Stuart Pratt's heart-thumping review.
M:Okhotny Ryad
Address:Gazetny Pereulok 3
Hours:Daily 12.00 to 00.00


Cheers:Authentic provincial Russian nightclub, featuring surly doorman, drunken nubile engineering students, flathead jr.'s, billiards, and the most ridiculous provincial amusement park cave-ceiling effect in Moscow. Has ladies' nights on Thursdays. Good choice for bottom-fishing. Chen woulda loved it.
Jeers:Girls are just a little too far this side of business class. You'll need some minus six vodka goggles. If you're an eXpat, you'll definitely stand out, which may be too scary for some. See Bosko Djuganovic's brutal review.
Cover:50-80 on weekends
Address:Leninsky Prospekt 55
Hours:Daily 12.00 to 5.00

O.G.I. Club

Cheers:Popular boho tusovka recently moved from Patriarch's Pond to Chisty Pond. Popular with literary groupies, people in thrift store clothes. Cheap food and drinks, lots of space and tables. Good place to take Dutch tourists.
Jeers:They feature poetry slams and book readings.
Cover:50-80 on weekends
Address:Leninsky Prospekt 55
Hours:Daily 12.00 to 5.00

Off Side

Cheers:Slightly modified Sovok-looking plastic cafe offering ultra-cheap Russian-style bar food that occasionally hits some impressive highs, notably the veal and the "Greek" salad. Bartenders can make at least 300 cocktails. Also home to a bookie's office, where you can bet on any soccer match in the world.
Jeers:Occasional soccer hooligan clientele; cheesy soccer decorations. Hell, just soccer in general. "Off Side" house cocktail tasted like mouthwash.
Address:Ul. Novoskobodskaya 14/19 str. 8
Hours:12.00 - 24.00

Papa John's

Cheers:eXile alert! Neil--the man who gave PJ's its famous mojo in the first place--is back! Since the Duck closed, Papa John's has packed 'em in like never before! Be prepared to wait in line on weekends, but it's a wait well worth it. The new back-room restaurant section is now open, which means a larger bar area in the front. Packed to the gilt with a fine selection of goods, even into the wee hours of the morning. Booths for respectable or crippled people. Dyevs get easily suckered into doing things they'll regret the next morning; boyfriends try their best to pretend they're not getting angry. Good Latino and funk DJs, party atmosphere.
Jeers:Club cards. Expensive drinks. Too many submerging middle class Russkys. Brick paneling looks fake, even if it's real.
Cover: subject to change
Address:22 Myasnitskaya
Phone: 755-9554
Hours:18.00 - morning


Cheers:One of the few truly comfortable beer bars in Moscow; no loud belching eXpats or obnoxious flatheads, good music at a reasonable level, comfortable interior. Practice your espanol con los hermanos if you dare. Decapitated warthog wall decoration provides hours of conversation; bizarre beer cocktail concoctions, including beer and tomato juice; wide choice of food items, including Parnas house special (beef saltimboca-style) and salad bar. Overall, a good find .
Jeers:More the place to go for a quiet date or after work. Has a more subdued crowd. Sometimes has weddings, which means either drunken loud jerks, or drunken e-z prey.
Cover: None
M:Kitai Gorod
Address:Petrovsky Linii 1/20
Phone: 200-4714

Planet Hollywood

Cheers:eXile alert! Elijah from Sports Bar has started working here, so expect a mojo injection. Packin' 'em in on weekends. Aggressive new management team is trying, with some impressive results, to recreate the buzz of the Duck without the vomit. Ladies' Nights feature Bass-ian dyevs, strip tease.
Jeers:Arnold Schwartzenegger sold his stake in Planet Hollywood, and he won't be back. Showed trailer for Barney--The Movie on bar TVs. More male strip shows? We know they pack in the teenie-proles, but that doesn't mean we likes 'em.
M:1905 goda
Address:23B Krasnaya Presnaya
Phone: 255-0539/9191
Hours:11.00 - 1.00

The Player's Club (ex-Lips)

Cheers:Hard to judge just yet, but Andy from Cabana is running the place, so the old Bass Cave has potential.
Jeers:Major crowd collapse after the Basshole was tossed, which is too bad.
Address:2nd Tverskaya Yamskaya d.40/3
Phone: 250-1274

Plekhanov Bar

Cheers:It's next door to a university.
Jeers:Patrons so ugly they have to be grad students. So shitty we bailed within 100 seconds. Charge a cover at the door.
Cover:50R on weekends
Address:Bolshaya Strochenovsky Per., 36


Cheers:It's located in a basement; claims to be alternative to Krisis Zhanra; features cheesy suburban couches.
Jeers:Positively shite; designed by Adolf Shiteman, with help from Savva Vulgarnovich. Aren't you impressed? If you're jonesing for more fucking white-tiled bars, then put this on your "places to go" list. Doesn't even come close to Krisis.
Cover: Free
Address:Bolshoi Cherkassky Per. 8
Phone: 454-8451
Hours:daily 12.00-6.00


Cheers:Top British DJs shook Moscow's consistently top disco on their 2nd anniversary bash. Is the standard by which all Moscow non-flathead discos measure themselves by. Truly relaxed, non-techno, college-type all night dance joint. The DJs seem to have gotten out of their rut thanks to a healthy dose of acid jazz and perhaps even--gasp!--a mild sense of humor. Boasts the best layout in town, including two balconies for scoping out the attractive young crowd. Even those annoying "regulars" seem to have figured out how to be quasi-hip w/o embarrassing themselves.
Jeers:Still no Czech beer; the inferior foam of Denmark be no substitute. The DJs still let off the occasional misfire, especially on weekends when the crowd is peppered with less-hip Macarena-friendly types.
Cover:40 rubles (Fri. /Sat. after 22.00)
M:Kitai Gorod
Address:Bolshoi Zlatoustinksy Per. 7 (just off Ul. Maroseika, entrance through the Polytechnical Museum)
Phone: 924-5732


Cheers:eXile alert!Last week's anniversary party was the do of the weekend, folks. Exile staffers were milking the bar like thieves, while top Russian bands like Detsky Pan. turned the dance floor into a jam. As always, one of Moscow's better crowds, a mix of youth, hipsters, students, and others who are a step away from the Gallereya scene, and all the better for it. Packs 'em in and keeps 'em dancing on weekends. Fun, poppier version of Jazz Kafe. Cozy atmosphere, separate rooms mean that you can go from loud disco to the bar for talkin up action. Best to come here after 11. Can have a high babe factor.
Jeers:We've seen yellow horn-rimmed glasses here, and heard a lot of the same dance hits we've heard before.
M:Lubyanka/Ploschad Revolutsiya
Address:Ul. Nikolskaya 17
Phone: 928-4692
Hours:18.00 - 06.00

Rosie O'Grady's

Cheers:Authentic Irish pub interior design; close to center; decent selection of beers.
Jeers:Whoah, daddy! What happened here?! Should be re-named Rosy O'What-the-fuck-happened-y's. This used to be THE eXpat hangout for years, and for us, THE place to avoid. Now that it's gone downhill, we may start visiting it ourselves.
Address:Ul. Znamenka 9/12
Phone: 203-9087
Hours:Daily 12.00-1.00, weekends to 1.30

Sally O'Brien's

Cheers:More discreet and laid-back than Rosie's. You can hide in the back room and have a quiet conversation; good for chilling out after a day at work; take your uglier dates here if you don't want to be seen.
Jeers:Has gotten more crowded in the past couple of months. Not exactly a beauty contest here.
Address:Polyanka 1
Phone: 230-0059
Hours:12.00 - last person leaves

Strafnoi Bar

Cheers:Located in the center near Respublika.
Jeers:Should be fined for sucking so badly. What few patrons come here look suicidal. Foozeball table and air hockey can't save it.
Address:Maly Cherkassky Per. 1/3
Phone: 291-9337
Hours:12.00 - last person leaves


Cheers:If you're an expat suffering from Moscow-shock because you miss the comforting feeling you get when you're around familiar, boring, LL Bean-totin', lumpy-assed expats, then this is the place for you. Very much like the old apartheid days pre-1993.
Jeers:Johnny Chen nearly died of shock here. Doesn't seem to friendy to Russians. Lowest babe factor this side of New Jersey. Too many guys in Ralph Lauren shirts. Smelly thuggish doorman has a definite prejudice against People of Color, Jews included.
M:Okhotny Ryad
Address:Tverskaya 3 (between Territoriya and La Cantina)
Hours:12.00 - last person leaves

Sports Bar

Cheers:Nekkid chicks pouring tequila, a Divine-looking stripper who nearly rapes the men-folk... One of the first post-Soviet integrated fun units, and still going strong. Happening late-night dancing scene, several different rooms offer chill-out, pool, dancing and eating.
Jeers:Security guards dress like New York cops, so beware if they make for the mop handles. The gosh dern cover charge has returned. Oh well. Nasty strippers can ruin your mojo. Pricey drinks.
Address:New Arbat 10
Phone: 290-4311, 290-4498
Hours:Daily from 12.00 to 6.00


Cheers:On good nights, the pickins are pretty ripe; students from local instituty and students from the outer regions of the Moskovsky oblast come here because it's centerally located, cheap and unpretentious. Drinks on the lower-priced end.
Jeers:High Footloose factor; last time we dropped in, there wasn't a single catch available, even though we were wearing double-thick vodka goggles; garderob fills up too quickly, which means U wait.
Cover: Free except when bands play; then it depends on how much the band charges.
M:Oktyabrskaya or Park Kultury
Address:Krymsky Val 6 (on the right side of Central House of Artists)
Phone: 238-0864
Hours:Daily from 18.00 to 6.00


Cheers:eXile alert! Crowd here has gone more bourgeois, less frighteningly (for some) rave youth. No cover still, but face control can be annoying. Located just down the street from La Cantina and Montana. The interior is nothing special: two long hallway rooms. But the crowd is decidedly post-Ptyutch (when there's a crowd), and the DJs can be top-quality. Drinks are cheap, and practically the only good CD store in Moscow is located inside.
Jeers:Music has gone more mainstream. Drink prices vary wildly, depending on the night. Patrons often too cool and busy being looked at to enjoy themselves, which can be amusing or depressing, depending on your mood. White-walled interior is sort of like Evroremont stolovaya minimalism, Phillip Glass meets Jennifer Gould's apartment.
Cover:Free (may change)
M:Okhotny Ryad
Address:Tverskaya Ul. 5 (around the back)
Hours:daily from 13.00 to 00.00

Trety Put'

Cheers:Moscow's only squat-like boho hangout. Occasional decent live acts, day-glo/artsy interior. You won't believe you're in Moscow. Sometimes has good DJs that play music which impresses techno Brits. This place once burned down.
Jeers:The Boho-Westerner's answer to Silver's: way too familiar for our tastes. Aggressively unattractive women--hey, are we in Berkeley or Moscow?! Too many guys with pointy beards and T-shirts that mean something.
Cover: 20.000 rubles.
Address:Pyatnitskaya 4
Phone: 231-8734
Hours:21.00 - 02.00 (Th., Fri., Sat.)


Cheers:A favorite daytime haunt for Plekhanov students who avoid lectures in order to get drunk (they can usually buy their grades with a $50 bribe). Offers free drinks to dyevs. Shite provincial Russian interior with cheap disco lights, but hey, we're hear to trawl, not to judge!
Jeers:Just about everything sucks here, including the name.
Address:Bolshaya Strochenovsky Per. 10
Hours:daily from 12.00 to last patron

U Yeliseyeva

Cheers:The Turks from Amalteya now have this just-above-middlebrow, all-in-one entertainment complex right in the heart of town. Reasonably priced Euro-Turkish menu; Irish coffee for $3. It's too early to tell how the place will end up, but judging from the interior it could be the kind of respectable eat-n-drink-n-dance joint all you folks who feel old at Propaganda have been looking for.
Jeers:Lord only knows.
Cover:None so far
Address:Tverskaya 12
Hours: Bar/restaurant: 24 hours; disco: 23.00 - 5.00


Cheers:After the high enterance fees at Cabana and Four Rooms, Vermel's crowd improved. Packed with student, young eXpat types. Run by the same team that brought us the burned-out Maxim Maximych; larger, older, mellower version of Krisis Zhanra; awesome borscht, bathroom so clean you could eat your soup out of the toilet.
Jeers:Even though Vermel has jumped out in front of the River Strip pack, still seems like nothing big ever happens here; difficult to get a beer; fat chicks; weird disco room freaks us out; owner has a beard.
Cover: 20.000 rubles; 10,000 rubles for students
M: Tretyakovskaya
Address: Raushskaya Naberezhnaya 4/5
Phone: 959-3303
Hours: daily from 12.00-5.00

Villyam Bass

Cheers:If you're jonesing for yet another pre-fab British pub, and the John Bull franchises are your bag, then this place will bring you endless amounts of joy. Overpriced, popular with successful flatheads and their wives, as two-storied as a double-deckered bus.
Jeers:See "Cheers". See Stuart Pratt's beard-curling review.
M: Polyanka
Address:Bolshaya Yakimanka 4
Phone: 778-1874

Voodoo Lounge

Cheers:Jean-Michel of Chesterfield's fame has taken over the thankfully-defunct Dusk Till Dawn and turned it into the Surprise Hit of the Summer. Slick young Russians with government-plate Mercs mingle with eXholes and 20-something dyevs. Los Locos Cubanos that you all remember from the Duck serve up their trademark killer cocktails. Outdoor seating, live music and special "Cuban Room" make this a good choice for a night out.
Jeers:On the grassy part of the outdoors, looks almost like any tract home backyard in, say, Stockton, CA. Metal Detector at the door, a holdover from the Dusk days, seems a little gratuitous. Still working on its mojo.
M: Belorusskaya
Address: Sredny Tishinsky Per. 5/7
Phone: 253-2323

Whisky Saigon Bar

Cheers:Similar to Armadillo's Russo-Saloon effect; serves Southern Comfort; has posters of the Ho Chi Minhster in one room. Could become a popular Ernie-Sosy hangout.
Jeers: Nothing unusual; low-effort commie kitsch; mostly bland food.
Cover: free
M: Sukharevskaya
Address: Bolshaya Sukharevskaya pl. 16/18
Hours: daily from 11.00-24.00

Yama Bar

Cheers: The only quasi-authentic biker bar in Moscow. Has Lada license plates up on the walls. Impressive trashed interior.
Jeers: Vomit-drenched beards and fat asses packed into tight pants. These jerks do their best to imitate the mystical ways and habits of America's White Trash.
Address:The corner of Nizhny Maslovka and Novaya Bashilovka
Hours:daily from 10.30 - whenever the last drunken biker is dragged out.

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