Issue #28/83, February 10 - 17, 2000
Jeers: Has a sort of Minneapolis/Radissonesque atmosphere which makes you feel like you're on a bad business trip. Chick lip-synchs shite pop tunes. Whores are second-tier bargain-basement types.
Phone: 203-6936, 291-9079
Address: Novy Arbat 19
Hours: rest:12.00-24.00, bar: always
Cheers: Cheap beers and cocktails, centrally located in the renovated Gostiny Dvor. They just celebrated a kickin' 5-year anniversary party. Waytago, guyz! Whoo-hee! Has three large rooms each with its own atmosphere. Scores of pool tables; locals scratch so often that you'll look like Minnesota Fats compared to them; decent music, place to hang. Michael Hutchence agrees and gave it two tightly-bound belt buckles WAY up.
Cheers: Easily boasts the most beautiful, classy pool tables in Moscow; has a VIP room that you can rent for cheap. Cozy, comfortable atmosphere; boat hotel docked next door cheap places (400,000R for a night) to take your date.
Cheers: Good place to hang out and listen to live blues/jazz music. Friendly student-staff, relaxed atmosphere. Wide selection of beers. The place to hang after work, or to meet friends.
Cheers: Friday Ladies' Nights are jam-packed with dyevs during the strip show. Come here with your reel and net and go fishin'! Deliciously colorful layout with two bars whipping up tropical cocktails, live music, and a separate super-delish restaurant. Has couches, TV monitors to watch bands. Eclectic crowd includes students, Africans, solidny types and decent babe factor.
Jeers: Located on top floor of depressing Brezhnev building, giving it more of a "Tundra Jack's" feel.
M: Leninsky Prospekt
Address: Orjonikidze 13
Cheers: They just celebrated their 2nd year party with a sweaty, jam-packed shindig. Congrats to Rubin, Doug, Jean-Michel and the staff. Friday's are packed tight with heapings of sweaty, e-z dyevs. Tuesdays also come recommended. If you can deal with the techno-latino muzak, U might score! DJ Stanley has moved to Thursdays, so expect some increased mojosity there. Also features sports events on a huge TV. One of Moscow's premier bars. Usually packed with eXpats and smart Russians; features the (second) longest bar counter in Russia, huge rusting overhead pipes.
Jeers:Closes too early for serious alcoholics. What is this, London or something? Chris seems to like Russian pop muzak. You may hear people parrot Churchill's famous "enigma wrapped in a riddle" line--throw your beer in their face if they do.
Address:Leningradsky Prospekt 66
Hours:daily 11am - 11pm
Jeers:Interior lacks strong character, not that that really counts here. As far as we're concerned, character is usually defined by the crowd in these parts. DJs play pretty standard dance hits. A bit hard to reach from the metro.
Address:Sadovnicheskaya Ul. 71
Hours:Disco: 22.00-6am daily. Restaurant open from 12.00pm daily
Dyadi Sama (Uncle Sam's)
Cheers:Became the high-profile object of anti-American aggression when youths smashed the club's front windows recently. Funny thing is, this place is about as American as the Warsaw Hotel. Come here if you're a pedophiliac eXhole, and you're looking for some choice Light Industry Institute trim. Has two video games, big puffy booths. No cover means it attracts the poorer, younger clientelle that couldn't get into PJs or Propaganda. DJs play plenty of cheesy slow ballads, which is key for getting intimate with dyevs.
The Embassy Club
Cheers: This is THE premiere cigar bar/lounge in Moscow, attracting The Smart Crowd--and the pretentious. Come in your best suit to sample a super selection of cigars, cognac and wines. Gorgeous interior and comfy chairs and sofas that you'll never want to part with. Great selection of single-malt scotches. Walk-in humidor should impress upwardly aspiring dyevs, and the Cuban bartenders are said to make some wicked cocktails. Appropriately impressive toilets.
Fiesta (ex-Hungry Duck)
Cheers: Distinctively late-era Duckian mojo vaguely in evidence during recent "Ladies' Night" scientific audit by eXile staffers. Old Duck once again at least half-packed with young and available if not especially pretty girls on Fridays and Sundays. Medium-high johnson-grabbing factor. Bystanders again baring ripe aureolas during male strip show. Gross macking in booths observed. The beast may be back.
Fox Terrier & Co.
Cheers:Well-designed pub/sports bar with numerous TVs showing Beavis & Butt-head. Yarpivo on tap and home-cooked Russian bar faves like mushroom julienne and borsht at prices inconsequential enough to soothe the cheapest of eXholes. Rumored to be having an all-U-can-eat/drink Super Bowl party for a mere 100-ruble entry fee.
Cheers: Just had their first anniversary bash, and boy o' boy was it a jam! Proof that Garage is one place that no crisis can shut down. Packs in a good mixed crowd, not too pretentious. A recent visit revealed a cool mix of single, kulturniye babes, smart, arty guys, and a coterie of expats, meaning face control wasn't such a bad idea here. Great place to start the evening, or for after work. Hip New York-style bar: you enter through a thick steel door with a massive steel monkey wrench into a garage-themed basement bar. Delicious bar food and popular breakfasts.
Jeers:Not the place for loud Texan expats to whuup it up in. Drinks a bit pricey.
M: Kuznetsky Most
Address:Pushechnaya Ul. 9 (next to the Kuznetsky Most Metro)
Hours: 12.00 - 6.00
Jeers: The Duck's rep has been so thoroughly destroyed among even second-tier dyevs that it'll be a helluva feat trying to lure them back. Why fuck up a good thing in the first place?
Cover:120R for men, ladies free
M: Kuznetsky Most
Address: Pushechnaya Ul. 9 (next to the Kuznetsky Most Metro)
Hours:12.00 - 6.00
Jacko's Disco Bar
Cheers:Located in the snuggly little bar that was home to so much shameless mirth back in the heady McFaul-ian expat royalty days. Now, it's more Russified, but abuzz with Latino muzak, cheap drinks, and tables o' 2nd-tier dyevs. Weekend nights feature dance marathons and striptease.
John Bull Pub
Cheers: Tribune's anti-Kutuzovsky editorials we belive are due to inability to get advertisements from John Bull. Stand up for your rights! Only John Bull to feature good music. Tasty "bitter" and cozy seats; coolest music of any pub; foreign journalists from the compound mix with beautiful New Russians to form a sometimes-bizarre crowd. Best Sunday night hangout.
M: Kitai Gorod
Address: Lyubanksy Proezd 25
Hours:Sutki (24 hours)
Cheers:Destined to be a popular student hangout with the Plekhanov Institute set; groovy flying saucer hangs over the bar. Impresses young people. Great soups.
Cheers:New boho-arty club somewhere between the old Ptyutch and Trety Put'. Said to have reopened, and said to have a cool crowd. Said by Katya, our starlet designer. Located around the corner from the eXile offices.
Cheers:Come here and mellow-out to some cool, live tunes with the rest of Moscow's Boho-intelli crowd. Good place to study in the daytime, or to sit and act alienated, waiting to be discovered by someone.
The Last Drop
Cheers:New, unpretentious cellar pub located just a hop, skip and jump from Garazh, without the humiliating door hassles. Come here to relax, sample their fine selection of draft beer, play a game of pool, or just chew the fat after work. Too few places like this in central Moscow.
Cheers:Weekends are packing 'em in, as Le Club is finally achieving the kind of popularity it deserves. Brian's going mad arranging theme nights, parties and the like. The promo party machine is gearing up with free drinks for the ladies, snacks for all, live music and god knows what else. Local expats and trying-to-emerging middle class Russians packed the place. Has probably the best interior design of any kulturny-middle-class club in Moscow: long brass bartop with sauna lights, pastel seats and hidden booths. Great place to take a date or a group of friends. Good food and drink deals to bust the crisis.
Jeers:Since Bass was tossed out, Lips has dried up. Gone are the stunning leg-babes that Bass shipped in from pod Moskvoi, and gone are the blazer-totin' pot-bellied expats and Europeans with ludicrous facial hair. Stay tuned to these pages as Lips' management prepares to relaunch the club.
Address:2nd Tverskaya Yamskaya d.40/3 (behind Tverskaya Hotel)
Cheers:Mr. Ahn's m'm good Russo-Sino-Vietcongo food, cozy, atmosphere, live street music. Good selection of beers.
Cheers: An eXile favorite haunt just off Tverskaya has just opened a back room disco to compliment the bar and restaurant. Kulturny krowd, perfect place to take a date. Managers always come up with whacky ideas for drinks, including crisis cocktails.
Cheers:Drinks well-priced, better mix of eXholes and Russians than before. Crowded on weekends. Live music, good atmosphere that will remind you of home, civilized clientele. Awesome five dollar burritos on Wed. and cheap 3 for a buck buffalo wings on Tues.
Address:Gazetny Pereulok 3
Hours:Daily 12.00 to 00.00
Cheers:Authentic provincial Russian nightclub, featuring surly doorman, drunken nubile engineering students, flathead jr.'s, billiards, and the most ridiculous provincial amusement park cave-ceiling effect in Moscow. Has ladies' nights on Thursdays. Good choice for bottom-fishing. Chen woulda loved it.
Cheers:Popular boho tusovka recently moved from Patriarch's Pond to Chisty Pond. Popular with literary groupies, people in thrift store clothes. Cheap food and drinks, lots of space and tables. Good place to take Dutch tourists.
Cheers:Slightly modified Sovok-looking plastic cafe offering ultra-cheap Russian-style bar food that occasionally hits some impressive highs, notably the veal and the "Greek" salad. Bartenders can make at least 300 cocktails. Also home to a bookie's office, where you can bet on any soccer match in the world.
Cheers: Neil--the man who gave PJ's its famous mojo in the first place--is back! Since the Duck closed, Papa John's has packed 'em in like never before! Be prepared to wait in line on weekends, but it's a wait well worth it. The new back-room restaurant section is now open, which means a larger bar area in the front. Packed to the gilt with a fine selection of goods, even into the wee hours of the morning. Booths for respectable or crippled people. Dyevs get easily suckered into doing things they'll regret the next morning; boyfriends try their best to pretend they're not getting angry. Good Latino and funk DJs, party atmosphere.
Cheers:One of the few truly comfortable beer bars in Moscow; no loud belching eXpats or obnoxious flatheads, good music at a reasonable level, comfortable interior. Practice your espanol con los hermanos if you dare. Decapitated warthog wall decoration provides hours of conversation; bizarre beer cocktail concoctions, including beer and tomato juice; wide choice of food items, including Parnas house special (beef saltimboca-style) and salad bar. Overall, a good find .
Jeers:Arnold Schwartzenegger sold his stake in Planet Hollywood, and he won't be back. Showed trailer for Barney--The Movie on bar TVs. More male strip shows? We know they pack in the teenie-proles, but that doesn't mean we likes 'em.
Address:23B Krasnaya Presnaya
Hours:11.00 - 1.00
The Player's Club (ex-Lips)
Cheers:Hard to judge just yet, but Andy from Cabana is running the place, so the old Bass Cave has potential.
Cheers:It's next door to a university.
Cheers:It's located in a basement; claims to be alternative to Krisis Zhanra; features cheesy suburban couches.
Cheers:Top British DJs shook Moscow's consistently top disco on their 2nd anniversary bash. Is the standard by which all Moscow non-flathead discos measure themselves by. Truly relaxed, non-techno, college-type all night dance joint. The DJs seem to have gotten out of their rut thanks to a healthy dose of acid jazz and perhaps even--gasp!--a mild sense of humor. Boasts the best layout in town, including two balconies for scoping out the attractive young crowd. Even those annoying "regulars" seem to have figured out how to be quasi-hip w/o embarrassing themselves.
Cheers:Last week's anniversary party was the do of the weekend, folks. Exile staffers were milking the bar like thieves, while top Russian bands like Detsky Pan. turned the dance floor into a jam. As always, one of Moscow's better crowds, a mix of youth, hipsters, students, and others who are a step away from the Gallereya scene, and all the better for it. Packs 'em in and keeps 'em dancing on weekends. Fun, poppier version of Jazz Kafe. Cozy atmosphere, separate rooms mean that you can go from loud disco to the bar for talkin up action. Best to come here after 11. Can have a high babe factor.
Cheers:Authentic Irish pub interior design; close to center; decent selection of beers.
Cheers:More discreet and laid-back than Rosie's. You can hide in the back room and have a quiet conversation; good for chilling out after a day at work; take your uglier dates here if you don't want to be seen.
Cheers:Located in the center near Respublika.
Cheers:If you're an expat suffering from Moscow-shock because you miss the comforting feeling you get when you're around familiar, boring, LL Bean-totin', lumpy-assed expats, then this is the place for you. Very much like the old apartheid days pre-1993.
Jeers:Security guards dress like New York cops, so beware if they make for the mop handles. The gosh dern cover charge has returned. Oh well. Nasty strippers can ruin your mojo. Pricey drinks.
Address:New Arbat 10
Phone: 290-4311, 290-4498
Hours:Daily from 12.00 to 6.00
Cheers:On good nights, the pickins are pretty ripe; students from local instituty and students from the outer regions of the Moskovsky oblast come here because it's centerally located, cheap and unpretentious. Drinks on the lower-priced end.
Cheers: Crowd here has gone more bourgeois, less frighteningly (for some) rave youth. No cover still, but face control can be annoying. Located just down the street from La Cantina and Montana. The interior is nothing special: two long hallway rooms. But the crowd is decidedly post-Ptyutch (when there's a crowd), and the DJs can be top-quality. Drinks are cheap, and practically the only good CD store in Moscow is located inside.
Cheers:Moscow's only squat-like boho hangout. Occasional decent live acts, day-glo/artsy interior. You won't believe you're in Moscow. Sometimes has good DJs that play music which impresses techno Brits. This place once burned down.
Cheers:A favorite daytime haunt for Plekhanov students who avoid lectures in order to get drunk (they can usually buy their grades with a $50 bribe). Offers free drinks to dyevs. Shite provincial Russian interior with cheap disco lights, but hey, we're hear to trawl, not to judge!
Cheers:The Turks from Amalteya now have this just-above-middlebrow, all-in-one entertainment complex right in the heart of town. Reasonably priced Euro-Turkish menu; Irish coffee for $3. It's too early to tell how the place will end up, but judging from the interior it could be the kind of respectable eat-n-drink-n-dance joint all you folks who feel old at Propaganda have been looking for.
Cheers:After the high enterance fees at Cabana and Four Rooms, Vermel's crowd improved. Packed with student, young eXpat types. Run by the same team that brought us the burned-out Maxim Maximych; larger, older, mellower version of Krisis Zhanra; awesome borscht, bathroom so clean you could eat your soup out of the toilet.
Jeers:See "Cheers". See Stuart Pratt's beard-curling review.
Address:Bolshaya Yakimanka 4
Cheers:Jean-Michel of Chesterfield's fame has taken over the thankfully-defunct Dusk Till Dawn and turned it into the Surprise Hit of the Summer. Slick young Russians with government-plate Mercs mingle with eXholes and 20-something dyevs. Los Locos Cubanos that you all remember from the Duck serve up their trademark killer cocktails. Outdoor seating, live music and special "Cuban Room" make this a good choice for a night out.
Whisky Saigon Bar
Jeers: Nothing unusual; low-effort commie kitsch; mostly bland food.
Address: Bolshaya Sukharevskaya pl. 16/18
Hours: daily from 11.00-24.00
Cheers: The only quasi-authentic biker bar in Moscow. Has Lada license plates up on the walls. Impressive trashed interior.