Issue #18/99, September 14 - 28, 2000   

HOUSE OF RISING BEER

I think we can all agree that RUSSKY DOM PIVA [Russian House of Beer] is a name that simply begs to be acronymed. By analogy with International House of Pancakes, or IHoP, the mysterious-sounding RHoB seems to me a pretty good candidate. Not only does it seem to imply the arcane nickname given to a town drunk as a sort of local in-joke, it’s also somewhat reminiscent of Munich’s legendary Hofbrauhaus. All told, that’s a fairly good set of implications for the nickname of a would-be beer hall. Nomenclature issues thus disposed of, let’s take a peek inside RHoB.

The atmosphere is unassuming and largely inoffensive—dim lighting, heavy wooden tables, those tall-backed wooden chairs that look like they were designed for anorexic Vikings, and of course the shitty pop music. In other words, it’s the perfect setting in which to enjoy any one of a dozen reasonably priced draft beers. Actually, the Warsteiner and Paulaner are rather pricey at 140R per half-liter, but the domestic brews are all 50R or less—including the inevitable Baltika and Stary Melnik, along with the heretofore unknown Seven Hills (brewed “since 1999,” according to the attractively designed decorative coaster). For the group or individual alcoholic there’s even better news: 1 and 2-liter pitcher sizes, with a progressive system of discounts. Moreover, the daily happy hours from 3 to 6 p.m. will clip another 10% off your bill. If I may paraphrase the burgeoning Linux community: Drink Early, Drink Often.

Of course, you’ll need something solid to soak up all that booze in your stomach. How about some inexpensive, appetizingly greasy Georgian food? OK then. There’s some fine Adzhapsandal (115R), yummy fried eggplant with nuts (100R), green and red Lobio (90R), and Suluguni cheese in various raw or fried guises (50-115R). They were out of the Kharcho (75R) the night we were there, and we decided not to bother with the soup of the day (borsch in this case). Especially good among the hot entrees is this half-stew, half-soup thing whose name I’ve unfortunately forgotten. However, I do know that it is served sizzling hot fajitas style in a special Georgian clay frying pan called a “ketsi.” No doubt you’ll be wanting some baked goods as well, particularly if you didn’t get enough cheese during the appetizer course. You’ve got your old standby Khachapuri in either ordinary round (120R) or semi-raw-egg-in-a-boat (85R) styles. Somewhat more exotic is the so-called Kubdari (150R), a meat-and-potato filled pie-type thing based on a 12th-century recipe. Hell, you can almost taste the history.

Among the notable non-Georgian offerings are various beer-oriented snacks: beer shrimps (100R), garlic toast (45R), and killer wings (120R; extremely tasty even if our portion was a little on the small side). There are three different business lunches available, ranging in price from 135 to 165R. The desserts are nothing special. Just remember: this is RHoB, not IHoP.

Those readers who happen to live in the vicinity of Savyolovsky Vokzal might be interested to know that the above menu (less the extensive beer selection) is repeated almost exactly at KHIZHINA [Cabin], except with slightly lower prices (generally 10-20R less per item). Here, the interior is of the split-level sort, with a decor supposedly based on Uncle Tom’s Cabin (at first, I thought it was supposed to be Robinson Crusoe). However, those who pay close attention to detail will notice the similar strings of bambooish chip things hanging from the window frames. One cannot escape one’s nature.

Among the added bonuses here, in addition to the reduced prices: Turkish-style coffee (45R), waitresses whose demeanors seems to indicate they’ve recently undergone abortions, an extensive selection of tropical cocktails, and the house specialty “elite nonalcoholic” cocktail—the “Uncle Tom,” of course. Contrary to what you might expect, it’s not an Oreo milkshake, but rather a smoothie-esque thing with strong hints of banana. Actually, the same drink is also available at RHoB—only there it goes by the name of “Ivan the Terrible.” I leave the interpretation of this variance up to the reader.

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