Steals: Left and...shit, where's my wallet?
Lies: Never once, he swears
Hair: Lots; glowing orange color
Jewish: On his mother's side
Connections:World's largest rolodex. Lawrence Summers, Alexander Voloshin, Yegor Gaidar, "St. Petersburg Mafia" (i.e Boiko, Mostovoi)
Career Notes: Recently tabbed an "oligarch" by Yevgeny Kiselov after shoring up control of UES...After having been a great Kremlin intriguer, is now literally a major regional powerhouse, brokering control of regional industry through judicious turning on and off of energy subsidy faucet...If he ever runs for office, may use famous Calvin Trillin campaign slogan: "Never been indicted"...Snake-charmed entire Western press corps with brandishment of laptop computer...Speaks English; has been spotted in limo outside Night Flight...Destined to work as cafeteria manager in hell, where jello will be on the menu but never on the shelves.