Issue #25/50, October 22 - November 5, 1998  

low-yield murder	"skull-brain trauma"	podyezd	really stupid criminal	children	Russian Sports Connection	murder-suicide
cries for help ignored	"investigation continuing"	carved up like a turkey	related to victim's job	cannibalism	riddled with bullets	old people

The Hungry Schmuck

Johnny Chen suddenly looks like an angel after this story. The Hungry Duck's teenie-packed rape-o-rama has more in common with The Little Mermaid than with the heroes of this sordid saga. First, we'll warn you that this is a pedophilia story-so read at your own risk. However, it's not quite the victimizer-victim tale that will fill you with tearful rage.

Buckle up, folks, as we take you back to 1996, those heady days when Yeltsin and the reformers seemed like they were doomed to defeat at the hands of Gennady Zyuganov's communists, and the West feared losing Russia. Back then, a 30-year-old slacker, unnamed by the Supreme Court spokesman and by the Moskovsky Komsomlets article, shacked up with his 35-year-old lover, and her eleven-year-old daughter, on Moscow's Elninskaya Ulitsa. After about a year, he naturally lost his sexual interest in his older lover, and started turning his attentions to the, er, budding 11-year-old beauty.

The first time he raped his girlfriend's daughter was in April of last year. According to the prosecutor, he made her sleep with him daily, often times twice a day, for a period of over a half a year, and forbade her to tell mommy where he was touching her.

"No really, it's not as bad as it looks. I'm just gonna try to sleep it off."

The funny thing-if you can call it funny-is that the defendant freely confessed to all of this... and more. According to his account, the little tykester made Lolita look like Shirley Temple. He claimed that she used to watch him shagging her mother, became fascinated with sex, and that it was she who first asked him to do the dirty deed to her. Right off the bat, the eleven-year-old daughter refused his suggestion to start off with mere third base stuff-helmet scrubs, skin flute scales, skull buffings, taco grinding-and demanded to go straight to home base.

Taken aback, our pedophile reportedly told her, "It's still too early for that," and so, being the gentleman that he was, introduced her to the world of anal sex. After their first session, according to the honest and gentle pedophile, the 11-year-old demanded some Rafazlo candy and chewing gum as compensation, which he obliged, in spite of his difficult financial situation. How, you ask, could all this happen right under the nose of her mother? E-Z. He didn't have a job. So every day, while mommy went out to work, slacker raped her daughter and scrounged up enough change to get her the odd pack of Stimorol or Rafazlo. At night, no doubt, he had to come up with 101 excuses for why he wouldn't shag the very woman who paid for the roof over his head-and the candy money. We can only guess. "Gee, not tonight, honey... I'm wiped out after screwing your daughter in the ass all day... Anyway, sweetie, could you leave me a fifty-spot? I need to buy more Rafazlo for Olyichka."

Then, like so many Russian children, the daughter was sent off to spend an exciting summer at her babushka's village. Granny must have imparted her with some real pearls of homespun wisdom, because when she came back to Moscow she demanded that all services be paid for in full: 3 rubles for a skull shine, and 5 rubles for The Nasty.

It didn't take long for this commercial arrangement to break down though. Like your average Russian enterprise, the slacker ran up a huge accounts receivables. It's this whole virtual economy thing, folks. When she got fed up and, like a little Boris Fyodorov, called his debts to her, he lashed out, calling her a "prostitute." That was the last straw. It was one thing that he didn't pay his bills for sex; but it was another that he called her a whore. She told her mother everything, and from there... well, you can guess how a hard-working, under-sexed woman would react to such news. Just look at Jean MacKenzie.

The defendant was sentenced to a whopping 12-year jail sentence, which was recently upheld by the Supreme Court. Metropolitan Madness Meister Michael Bass couldn't be reached for comment, although staffers say he was glad to see justice served.

The Second Sex Makes First-Rate Terror

It's become de rigueur in humanist circles here to proclaim that "if only women ran this country, Russia would be a better place."

Excepting of course the brutal example of Catherine The Great or the savage failures of Anne and Elizabeth, the humanists might be right. But let's not jump the gun and expect womyn to leap straight into the Kremlin chair. Let's see what happens when they get some hands-on experience heading a team in the New Russia.

Enter Svetlana Skorsyrskaya of Altai, nicknamed the "Atamansha," who was fingered as the leader of a brutal Siberian gang of thieves who terrorized faraway Siberian cities including Barnaul, Zarinsk, Novoaltaisk and others. According to the September issue of Prigovor, Skorsyrksaya commanded a team of 32 flatheads ranging in age from 19 to 40. She took over the gang after her husband, a well-known mafia don, got iced in a hit.

Starting in 1995, Skorsyrskaya, like a modern-day Naomi Wolff, showed the world that womyn can do a man's job even better. According to MVD lieutenant-general Vladimir Alferov, Skorskaya was responsible for several contract hits in Irkutsk over th past few years. She also led her phallologcentric males on a terror of theft, "cleaning" apartments of all their belongings, racketeering, threatening and torture, and, according to Prigovor, "sadistically mocking small children while robbing their parents or teasing pensioners before the eyes of their children." H'm. Sounds like a job for the Spanish Inquisition, si?

All in all, the Atamansha is thought to have lifted more than 1 billion rubles! Prosecutors finally busted the ring in 1996, and only sentenced recently, showing how far modern Russia has advanced from its savage past. In a sign that Russia hasn't got over its sexism, however, Skosyrskaya's right hand man received 13 1/2 years in a hard labor colony, while the Atamansha was sentenced to 13 years and ten months... in a "general prison colony." What's a womyn gotta do to get respect in this gown, eh?