the eXile - Death Porn

Issue #03/84, February 29 - March 10, 2000

low-yield murder	"control shot"	podyezd	really stupid criminal	children	cries for help ignored	murder-suicide
"investigation continuing"	carved up like a turkey	related to victim's job	cannibalism	riddled with bullets	old people	Hunger-related murder

WANNABE-BORN KILLER

21-year-old Alexander Koryakov had a dream. He wanted to be a famous serial murderer. Hey, don’t mock him: it ain’t as easy as it seems. But as Walter Sobchak once said, "If you will it dude, it is no dream." Over a year ago, Koryakov attacked a kindergarten in the Latvian town of Gulben, killing a

"I'm so lonely. No one wants to play with me. I guess I'll just stand here with my gun, and stare at the happy couples."

teacher and three children, before finally being apprehended by Latvian authorities. Below, we reprint Koryakov’s public confession before the court during his recent trial as printed in Kriminalnaya Khronika:

I started thinking about killing children about a year before I did it.

It’s difficult to explain, I don’t want to explain it... I doubt anyone will understand. I wanted to become well-known, famous. About a year before I had read a book about the most notorious criminals in the US, where they also described some mass murders. They wrote about how these people became famous.

I decided to kill children because it causes a huge social response. Also, it’s easier to kill them. They don’t resist.

I chose the day randomly. I woke up around 12 o’clock and I already knew I would go to the kindergarten to kill that very day.

I was calm that day, but still not sure that I could do it -- right up until the very last minute. Afterwards, I clearly knew that I could kill anybody.

I thought there would be about 10 kids in a group. I wanted to kill them all. I saw two, and noted another one by chance.

I was satisfied with the results. It had been pleasant - I liked, first of

"Does it turn you on when we stand like this? Yeah? How about when I rub the barrel against your nipple? Mmm..."

all, that the children were in pain and secondly, that it would cause pain to others: parents and relatives.

I hacked at them so much so that I could be sure they were dead. I wanted to torture them more. It made no difference to me who I killed, boys or girls.

Maybe I killed the teacher for nothing; I spent too much time on her. Why did I hack at her 39 times? I just got carried away...

I didn’t take any drugs and I had nothing to drink that day. I knew what I was doing.

I don’t regret what I’ve done. Even now the only thing I regret is that I got caught.

If they hadn’t caught me, I would have tried to keep killing.

There is an anger amongst people, a very long-standing anger. So everyone will be hurt by someone eventually.

This is the easiest way to become famous. I’m glad that there’s been so much press. I feel like a hero...

POTATO SALAD

While the great debate about land, agriculture and subsistence farming still consumes Mother Russia even now, 120 years after Tolstoy’s characters in Anna Karenina passionately argued, a brand new controversy over farming techniques may have just begun in the Podmoskovye region of Udelnaya Ramensky. The issue? What’s the best way to bury your mother and stepfather after you’ve killed them? Or rather, how do you bury them in such a way that their bodies don’t rot?

Two years ago, a returning army recruit, Sergei Kozlov, set to work on this burning question. He moved in with his mother and stepfather after the service. But he quickly lost his patience because his parents constantly fought over

"I didn't want to be an alcoholic. Actually, I wanted to be a corporate finance dealmaker. Boy, was I a fool! If I weren't an alcoholic, I'd never have been able to marry that beautiful woman there!"

sharing the small cottage floorspace. Kozlov went so mad that he’d cover his head in cellophane almost every day until he lost consciousness, especially as the fights turned violent. On June 20th, 1998, the 20-year-old kid decided to make a move. While his mother was out, he attacked his sleeping stepfather with a blunt metal instrument called a "gazovaya klyucha", about the size of a large wrench. He bashed the loudmouth’s head into mulch, hung the corpse down from off the bed, placed a bowl beneath the head, and drained it of all its blood. When his mom returned, she wasn’t concerned about her husband’s absence--people disappear all the time in drunken binges.

However, she turned on her son, booting him out of the house and making him live with his grandmother, which Sergei didn’t like. So... you can probably guess. Gas key to the head during sleep, body tipped upside down, blood drained, body buried in backyard garden. Peace at last. Sergei had finally found that Tolstoyan tranquillity, his own little Yasnaya Polyana... and then tragedy struck. A lodger in his own big house was digging up potatoes in the backyard, when he found the biggest, smelliest derned potato ever recorded. And hairiest. Two of ‘em.

Kozlov was sentenced last week to 14 years in jail. The reason he drained his parents’ bodies of blood? He "didn’t want their corpses to spoil."

THANKS A LOT!

There aren’t too many worse fates that one could imagine than being a homeless person in Moscow. If you’re not dying of frostbite or hypothermia, you’re getting stomped by cops for not having a propusk, and constantly in danger of catching things like incurable tuberculosis that has made Russia so famous. Welp, there is a worse fate. You could be a bum in the Biryulevo-Zapadnoye region of Moscow. Or rather, one of three homeless men reported in Moskovsky Komsomolets to have been beaten to death last Monday, between 11am and 1pm. No word yet on the killers. We’d be willing to wager a colony of head lice that the killer or killers won’t be found anytime soon.

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