Attention U.S. citizens! The time has come to perform your civic duty by voting in the 2000 general election. For those of us living abroad that means completing an official absentee ballot, which-- at latest--must be received by Friday, November 3 (actual deadline varies accoding to your home state). Choosing the lesser among assholes is never easy, so follow the E-Z instructions below to vote the right way, the patriotic way, the eXile way!  

As announced in the previous issue, the eXile will be regularly publishing excerpts from Yellow Pages, a book recently released by our Russian sister publication Stringer. The book is a compilation of transcripts from various proslushki (taped phone calls) that have surfaced over the years. Some of these transcripts have been published previously, while others—including the offering in this issue of the eXile—have not.
 

Hi girls ’n boys! It’s me again, Mr. Ames. But remember, you can just call me “Mark.” That’s right, it’s me, your aging hip counselor who’s down with the kids.