Issue #18/99, September 14 - 28, 2000 
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| OLIGARCH LOGIC PUZZLE! |
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Volodya Putin has five very influential friends from his class
in school whom he would like to liquidate and bury in salt mines.
The only trouble is, he can’t liquidate them until he can find their
assets—and his friends from school know how to hide what they steal!
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| If There Were No TV in America... |
| After the Ostankino fire two weeks ago, the Russian
newspaper Vremya-Novosti called the eXile and commissioned an article
on the theme, “What Would Happen If Television Was Turned Off in America?”
This was our answer, which they published last week... |
| What Play is To Be Called? Coach Lenin’s NFL Picks |
| In the last issue, the eXile proudly introduced
its new sports columnist, legendary NFL coaching great Vladimir “Red”
Lenin. In this issue, we are happy to announce that coach Ilyich will
be making public appearances to provide live commentary on the games
he picks. |
| Pre-Pubescent Sex Tips By Mark Ames |
| Hi folks! My name is Mark Ames, and I’m trying
to reconnect with the world of pre-pubescents by offering up my sex
tips for the peach-fuzzy freekz out there. So, let’s put on our backwards
baseball caps, zip up our baggy cargo pants, and get wit it! |
| K-141 is down |
| The following graphic account of how and why the
Kursk submarine sank reached the exile from a retired American military
intelligence officer who asked not to be named. We cross-checked the
following account, and were told that it seems to be the most authentic
and detailed account yet about the submarine disaster. Here it is...
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| STINGER: Последний таран |
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118 жизней на алтарь победы Альберта Гора на выборах президента
США выложил президент России |
| STINGER: Концы в воду |
| Пытаются спрятать власти, начавшие операцию по
разрезанию «Курска» на дне моря. Так считает контр-адмирал Юрий Сенатский
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