Issue #04/59, February 25 - March 10, 1999  

The jewel of the immaculate central Moscow bar and restaurant habitat, the Moscow Expat is in danger. It will survive, but only if it can be protected from further layoffs or cuts in salary and benefits packages. The National Carpetbaggers Fund is collecting money to buy Western-standard apartments, a fleet of chauffeured Volvos, and provincial Russian whores to pose as easy, willing dates. In this way we hope to rebuild the environment and recreate the conditions that helped the Moscow Expat to thrive in times past.

We also finance projects to re-introduce the Einsatzgruppen to administer Russian villages west and south of Moscow, and to organize cultural-historical camps for Russian children, where we set them free in the untamed wild to fend for themselves during live-armor simulations of the Golden Horde's sweep across the majestic steppes of Mother Rus some 700 years ago.

We are looking for partners. For hedge funds wanting to show the world they care about a foreign presence in Russia, who don't want the historical benefits that Russia has derived from foreigners down through the ages to be forgotten.

Please call us today.

Tel. 265-9181
Fax: 265-9103
nwpilugin@glasnet.ru

The National Carpetbaggers Fund was established by the eXile, Kenneth Dart, and the three main call girl agencies in Moscow. It is already supported by The George Soros Foundation, The Sputnik Fund, The Hungry Duck, and others.