Today’s question comes from a reader named Tom. Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.

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Dear eXiled,

I’m actually totally new to your site. I’ve been having this GILF obsession lately. All I can think about is boning grandmas. And that’s how I found your site. (You guys were like the third Google link but all I got was a link to some British article about old people having sex and orgies.) That’s not what I’m into! I’m not really sure what I’m into. But I do feel an attraction to old women. Especially ones that don’t look that old, those whom I see in natural food stores. Is it normal to want to fuck older women? I’m not talking about nasty sagging grandmas with walkers. But just older women in general. I just turned twenty and am in a liberal arts college.

Sincerely,
GILF-seeking student

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Dear GILF-seeking student,

Your GILF-ophilia makes perfect sense. GILFs come from a different time, an older, more traditional, sexier time. Sure they are wrinkled and old, but with today’s progress in cosmetic surgery, some of them might not look half that bad. If you’ve got to satisfy your GILF craving, my advice would be to go to either coast, take a job as a bag boy in Whole Foods and find yourself a 60-something lefty divorcee. She’ll be thinner than girls your age, more educated, richer and infinitely more appreciative.

Benjamin Franklin, the bed-hopping Founding Father, openly advocated GILF intercourse. Here’s some sex advice he offered a younger friend of his:

Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.”

Meaning, put a bag over it and do your business. And like Benjamin says: “They’ll be so grateful!!”

Send in your own questions, concerns and worries to ask@exiledonline.com. Team eXiled is here to help.