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Unsexy America / January 27, 2009

You might’ve heard that a bunch of dudes are bidding on the chance to deflower a 22-year-old chick from San Diego. This girl or woman or woperdaughter, or whatever you want to call her, put her virginity up for auction on Howard Stern’s show last autumn, and in the past few weeks, the bids started breaking all sorts of records. At least one loser is now willing to pay $3.6 million for the chance to bust her hymen.

At first, coming back from Russia, this whole affair struck me as depressing. But the more I got to know this enterprising virgin-ho’, the more I respected her. Just listen to her speak about prostitution!

“I don’t have a moral dilemma with it…We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?”

In another interview she explained that watching her older sister pay her own way through college working as a prostitute persuaded to sell herself to the highest bidder for the same ends. It was refreshing to see how easily she admitted to it. I mean, you don’t hear that kind of enlightened attitude about prostitution coming from American girls–or Americans of any sex– very often. Actually, you never hear it. She managed to give a straightforward, obvious explanation for the trade without coming off as a whore and without betraying even a hint of that Puritan anti-prostitution hysteria that dominates our times. Nor was she a bit apologetic. In a few simple words she managed to deflate prostitution to what it really is: a career that a girl usually decides to get into, not by coercion, drugs or abusive relationships, but for money. And as far as the cash is concerned, it’s not the worst profession out there.

But then she had to really open her mouth–and what came out was an insidious bag o’ Puritan/trendy academic cliches. Just listen to the transformation from arousing candor into erection-murdering blabbermouthiness, so common in America.

This all started long before September. In fact, it started in college, where my eyes were opened by my Women’s Studies professors and fellow classmates. I came to understand the role of “woman” spanning culture and time. At the university level, I was given permission to think differently and form a moral code of my own design. College opened my eyes.

Like most little girls, I was raised to believe that virginity is a sacred gift a woman should reserve for just the right man. But college taught me that this concept is just a tool to keep the status quo intact. Deflowering is historically oppressive—early European marriages began with a dowry, in which a father would sell his virginal daughter to the man whose family could offer the most agricultural wealth. Dads were basically their daughters’ pimps.

When I learned this, it became apparent to me that idealized virginity is just a tool to keep women in their place. But then I realized something else: if virginity is considered that valuable, what’s to stop me from benefiting from that? It is mine, after all. And the value of my chastity is one level on which men cannot compete with me. I decided to flip the equation, and turn my virginity into something that allows me to gain power and opportunity from men. I took the ancient notion that a woman’s virginity is priceless and used it as a vehicle for capitalism.

I just hope she doesn’t do this kind of pillow talk when she gets in bed with the highest bidder. My dick fell asleep listening to that. To the nerd who offered to pay $3.4 million: Dude, you should have a provision put in there that forbids her from talking about anything but how huge your penis is and what a god you are in bed. Otherwise, it’s gonna be a long night, and the most expensive case of post-coital depression known to mankind.

More virgin-ho’ photos:

Contact Yasha Levine at levine@exiledonline.com.

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39 Comments

Add your own

  • 1. Stanley Gardiner  |  January 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    I like snapper, not Junior Seau in drag. Can this bipedal bomb cook up low-cal canolis? Tie shoelaces? Whistle ‘La Cucuracha?’

  • 2. Setzer  |  January 27th, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    I’ve seen worse, but I don’t think she’s worth millions of dollars.

  • 3. Eye del Cul  |  January 27th, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Virgin? My ass…

    Oh, and today a girl can restore her hymen with surgery. She can sell her virginity several times. At three million dollars each…

  • 4. Seryoga  |  January 27th, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    I wouldn’t pay 3.4 cents for this. Ok maybe I would. But nothing more than what they charge at Kozitski Pereulok off Tverskaya! Vot suka!

  • 5. aleke  |  January 27th, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    hahaha I wish she would really have studied what she’s preaching, then she’d realize that capitalism is a meaner, leaner form of sexism than her agricultural, repressive forefathers’.

  • 6. Frank  |  January 27th, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    More power to her!

    I really hope that this transaction of money for services will actually take place.

    What a loser, to pay so much for something that has a street value of er… whatever. The guy is probably some Saudi prince or something, but definitely a stupid loser.

  • 7. Jeff Albertson  |  January 27th, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    My understanding of the dowry in primitive sexual economics is the reverse of her’s; that the woman brought into the marriage a sort of reverse ransom from her family in order to free them from possible future expense of one or more damn mouths to feed. In at least some societies daughters were regarded as a curse, but I can see how it might work the other way, given an unusually hot unit and a culture that values large women with healthy egos.

  • 8. Fissile  |  January 27th, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    There is no pussy on this planet, viginal or otherwise, worth $3.4 million. Hell, there is no pussy on this planet worth more than $300/hour. This is very likely a scam. She’s never going to get $3.4m from anyone, not even a sleazy Arab oil sheik is that stupid. She is going to turn this into a round of talk show invites, and a cheap book that be in the Barnes and Noble discount bin within a month.

  • 9. Tinner  |  January 27th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    I´ve fucked far better looking whores in Spain for a lot less.
    I´d grace-fuck did this: wouldn´t pay a single cent for it.

  • 10. JB  |  January 27th, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    ARGH, SO STUPID

    So much for womens study, dowry is the name of the price paid by the father to the man who marries his daughter, bride price would be what she’s talking about. The dowry was almost always the larger of the two gifts/payments, part of its purpose to protect the daughter from violent abuse by her new husband (who could lose the dowry under a number of conditions.). Though mostly to pay the husband for ‘taking care of her’ as the poster above pointed out.

    “I was raised to believe that virginity is a sacred gift a woman should reserve for just the right man. But college taught me that this concept is just a tool to keep the status quo intact.”

    No, biological imperitive says females should be pickier about who they mate with. This concept obviously originates from that.

  • 11. 28  |  January 27th, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    i was totally offended by this.

    first off, her comments. it’s finally come to pass, college education really does take bright young minds and make them totally retarded. but even worse, somewhere, some millionaire loser is going to pay for this when by my count there are about one and a half billion woman under 40, half of whom are above-average in attractiveness, most of whom will have sex for the cost of a few compliments and some attention. for the sake of humanity i’m hoping the highest bidder is a dilettante Dubai oil prince doing it for the irony value

  • 12. coljack  |  January 27th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    Didn’t I already see her in a sex tape with Ray J?

  • 13. lulz  |  January 27th, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    I already had sex w/ dis chick this is all a ruse

  • 14. Pimp her ass  |  January 27th, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    First time 3.6 million, second time whatever they charge in the city minus 20% fugly discount.

  • 15. Adam  |  January 27th, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    Are they bidding on a night with her in bed, or on her virginity? If the latter is the case, could someone buy her virginity and donate it to a convent?

    That would be too funny.

  • 16. Tony  |  January 27th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Best line:

    “I don’t have a moral dilemma with it…We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?”

    The girl’s right on. All relationships are ultimately economic. But I don’t think a capitalist argued that.

  • 17. wengler  |  January 27th, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    Who wants to have sex with a virgin girl? Bad sex for $3.4 million?

    And chances are she is a virgin of the “technical” variety. The mouth and the ass are fine but never the pussy until now.

  • 18. Rune  |  January 28th, 2009 at 3:37 am

    For $3.4 million you can rent 17 girls and a whole whorehouse in Odessa for two months and invite all your friends and family for an alternative action packed vacation.

  • 19. Baltimoron  |  January 28th, 2009 at 4:33 am

    As other posters have pointed out, this ugly broad doesn’t actually know how dowries functioned in most pre-modern Western societies. Thus it’s unsurprising that she seems unaware that in cases of divorce (usually allowable under cases of undue physical abuse, refusal of sex by the husband [yes, this was a problem], etc) it was the bride who kept the dowry. The money and property contained therein was her family’s way of providing her with last-resort financial security and creating an incentive for marriage once her youth had already begun to fade.

    She also seems to think that the virginity obsession was universal and immutable. This is not the case. It was common in the Middle East, but really only became part of European social norms with the triumph of Christianity (and even then its strength varied between classes and eras). Certain orders of priestesses in Greece and Rome had to remain unfucked, but among the peasants of Northern, Western, and Eastern Europe there were all sorts of fertility rituals that involved sending young, unmarried, villagers out into the fields to screw one another’s brains out. Coitus guaranteed a good harvest.

  • 20. Sesne  |  January 28th, 2009 at 6:34 am

    geez she woulnd’t be an attention whore now would she…and virgin..yeah right…any girl can fake being a virgin.

  • 21. tehlurker  |  January 28th, 2009 at 7:09 am

    If I’m paying $3.4 mil, I’m taking the pussy, the ass, the mouth, and whatever shred of dignity this bitch has left.

    I’m bringing a fifth of whiskey, a couple viagra, and the notion that the first insertion should be swift and brutal.

    After I’m finished, I’m going to invite my buddies Mandingo and Lex Steele over to DP her ensuring that she needs vaginal and sphincter reconstruction. Pictures of the aftermath will be posted in high school girls’ lockerrooms across the country with the banner ‘DON’T BE A DUMB CUNT’.

  • 22. Nestor  |  January 28th, 2009 at 7:10 am

    Yeah it’s been suggested that whoever buys her virginity then never allows her to have sex, since it would destroy his investment.

    That’d be hilarious.

  • 23. Bob  |  January 28th, 2009 at 8:00 am

    She looks Armenian. Better complete that sale before she turns 23 and is completely unattractive rather than simply mildly off-putting.

  • 24. Ed  |  January 28th, 2009 at 8:27 am

    For much less than $3.4 million, I imagine I could have a week of kinky sex with several beautiful women. But, then again, I don’t have the “deflowering a virgin” fantasy. Different strokes for different folks.

  • 25. eXile fan  |  January 28th, 2009 at 10:23 am

    maybe the $3.4 mil dude is her future publisher, and it’s his idea of royalty payment. makes sense that way, kinda.

  • 26. myzzia  |  January 28th, 2009 at 11:05 am

    Agree with Fissile. It’s an obvious PR, and pretty clever judging by the number of people falling for it.

  • 27. russiandyev  |  January 28th, 2009 at 11:22 am

    If i still had my virginity I would give it to Yasha for free. Just like that!:)

  • 28. Matt  |  January 28th, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    She looks like a Kardashian. The winner shouldn’t give her the money until he has evidence (the bloody sheets) that she was still a virgin, plus a signed note from her gyno attesting to that fact and that no hymen rejuventation surgery was conducted. In other words, a morally flexible girl looking like that in Cali can’t be a virgin

  • 29. doug winspear  |  January 30th, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    back in my day, JAPS got nose jobs. I guess the next trend will be hyman jobs.

  • 30. Sam  |  January 31st, 2009 at 3:00 am

    If you’re a banker who just snapped up a fat Federal incentive bonus, or a Blackwater guard who finessed a suitcaseful of those bricks of twenties that were sitting on Pallets at Baghram – http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/feb/08/usa.iraq1 – a few mil to pop cherry is on the taxpayers anyway, so why the criminal fuck not?

  • 31. Jim T.  |  January 31st, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Who’s fooling who here? The twenty-first century definition of a virgin here in the US is an ugly third grader.

  • 32. Carpenter  |  February 5th, 2009 at 1:42 am

    “Virginity is a tool to keep women in their place” – blah, blah, blah. The same old Marxist lies. Truth: we value virginity because we have the instinct to seek out young women, and women who haven’t had sex, so that we can be sure that the children they have are ours and not another man’s. Those with this instinct have had more children and therefore passed on their behavior genes. Read some goddamn evolutionary psychology.

    Feminists have an interest in explaining everything as “oppression” since feminism is nothing but one part of Marxism. All the feminist writers are communists – no kidding. They have an agenda and they follow it – and tax money all over the West is used to finance them, as they brainwash ignorant girls in colleges and universities.

    My girlfriend went to one of those brainwashing classes, full of Marxist crap. One old homosexual hag wrote about how all men should be killed by a feminist guerilla, except a few who would be used for breeding. This is actually handed out for reading in feminist classes. Most people have no idea what is going on.

  • 33. A-Lex  |  February 6th, 2009 at 1:10 am

    For Chrissake!!
    I shouldn’t have clicked this after I’d had breakfast. This pile of meat is sickening.
    Does she actually have ANY admirers? Boy, you’d have to be a sex-starved American to fall for that hippo.

  • 34. Edgar Rice Burrows  |  February 9th, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    What have you against hippos?

    I like hippos. I have volunteered to x-breed with hippos. Am currently in a relationship with a 3rd-grade hippo from Newark.

    Hippos rule.

    GIPPOPATAMI VSEKH STRAN, SOEDINYAJTES!

  • 35. Crap Major  |  February 10th, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Women’s Studies has always basically been the female equivalent of The Man Show trying to pass itself off as legit and without the slightest hint of humor.

  • 36. Technomad  |  February 18th, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    If I had $3.4 million, I could have all the sex I wanted just by letting people know I had that much money. Matter of fact, I’d probably need to hire somebody to screen all the offers I’d be getting.

  • 37. Amerikkkan  |  February 24th, 2009 at 7:20 am

    Virgin w/ fake tits? Doubtful.

  • 38. OMG  |  March 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    “#15. Adam | January 27th, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    Are they bidding on a night with her in bed, or on her virginity? If the latter is the case, could someone buy her virginity and donate it to a convent?

    That would be too funny.”

    Thanks!!! I really needed that laugh!!!

  • 39. Strahlungsamt  |  July 27th, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Eliot Spitzer paid $5,000 per night for a hooker. According to my math, for $3,400,000 he could get 680 hookers. That’s a different hooker each night for 1.86 years.

    And some dipshit is going to pay for this fug!

    Also, I got my first job out of college for $55k in the dot com days. I’m built like the War Nerd and I suddenly had 4 better looking models, 20 years my junior chasing after me.
    Believe me, all you need is a stable job and a bit of personality and you can get all the pussy you want. You never need to pay for it.


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