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eXile
Productions Present: the new hit single
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Oligarchy
in the R.F. |
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Image Limited |
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CONTRA-BAND
The
Zhiguli already had about 600 liters of gasoline and diesel in it
when Volodya went to go pay off the GAI. We were filling up at the
lone gas station in an unknown Russian derevnya in the Rostov region,
only a few kilometers over the border from Ukraine. There were no
asphalt roads in town. Aside from a few cars and aging Kharkovsky
tractors owned by the neighborhood kolkhoz, there was nothing that
seemed to justify a 24-hour gas station in the village of Mozhaevko,
even if it was just a shoddy collection of bricks and fuel tanks.
Read on...
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THE
PINCER PLAN
Seven years ago, holed up in my father’s house in San Jose, unemployed
and over-the-hill, I devised a plan with my spiritual mentor, Dr.
John Dolan. It was called “The Pincer Plan” and it went something
like this: I’d move out of San Jose and attack the U.S. from Russia,
poison pen raised like a bayonet-tipped flag, while he would lead
a charge on America’s soft underbelly from New Zealand. We’d sweep
through from the East and from the South, cutting the country in
two, pushing a tidal wave of Beigeist blood in our midst... Read
on...
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Hark!
A Miracle is Born
The eXile is pleased to announce that one of the expatriate
community’s most distinguished and renowned members, Heidi Hollinger,
is about to give birth. We welcome and wholeheartedly support Hollinger’s
pregnancy, and we expect that other local English-language publications
will set aside their petty differences and likewise embrace her gift
to the world: a child. Read on... |
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the eXile's E-Z nightlife
section |
- Bar Reviews:
HUNG
LIKE A HORSE
...I told her to meet me at Bega, this new club at Moscow’s central
hippodrome... I went on to Cruise, where they just opened a new
disco on the third floor... Oh, and by the way, I guess I should
apologize to Portfolio. Fuck, I’ll admit it, even I can be wrong.
- Food Reviews:
TURNING
JAPANESE
When I heard that the owner of the heretofore unknown KAMAKURA
was claiming that his restaurant is the best Japanese restaurant
in town and all the others are “shit,” my initial reaction was
that the first assertion is not necessarily all that impressive
and the second is true virtually by definition. That said, I’m
pleased to report that Kamakura does in fact serve top-notch sushi
and is perhaps the only Moscow eatery to date that has mastered
the apparently complex art of tempura.
- Events: Evgeny
Kiselov and his ensemble. Green Gray. Austin Powers Party. Motorhead.
- Bar Guide
- Food Guide
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“Not
now, honey. I’m reading the eXile book!” |
Get
your copy now at Shakespeare’s Books or order
it from amazon.com before it goes
bankrupt. “The eXile: Sex, Drugs and Libel in the New Russia”: the
book they call “more fun than fucking a vacuum cleaner” and “the
perfect Hannukah gift”!
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We're expanding! |
Hi, my name is Derk Sauer. I want to introduce you our new, exciting publications as part of Independent Media's massive
growth. We believe that this proves our further committment to the Russian market. As part of our comprehensive reorganization
plan, we will expand our presence in the Russian-language market, furthering our goal of reaching every segment of the potential
readership...
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| CuckoIdry
with Hulas |
I just got back from a week of cuckoldry in the
South Pacific, and boy is my Id tired. It wasn’t the worst cuckolding
I’ve ever gotten, but then you have to understand: I’m something of
a specialist. My standards are high. And even by my standards, it
was a tough week.
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| The eXile’s
Third Reich Uniform of the Week! |
In this issue, the eXile takes a closer look at
one of the classics of National Socialist fashion - the summer uniform
of the army Major of the General Staff.
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| Pillow
Talk |
Continuing excerpts from the “Stringer” Yellow
Pages. In this issue, the eXile looks at a phone call between two
of Russia’s all-time all-star bagmen, Andrei Vavilov and Arkady Yevstafiyev.
While Vavilov has made the free agency rounds, working for both sides
at one point or another during the celebrated “Banker’s War”, Yefstafiyev
was a loyal bagman for the “Young Reformers.”
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| Lenin’s
Picks |
The founder of the modern communist state has
had a rough year at the betting booth. In fact, if our coach Lenin
doesn’t shape up by week 15, we may have a quarterback controversy
on our hands. In any case, here are Coach Red’s picks for this week’s
televised games at Metellitsa Sportland
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| The
Allen Iverson Sports Syllogism of the Week |
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‘Sup, sports fans! Welcome to Allen Iverson’s Sports Syllogism
of the Week. Like many of you fans out there-both those in Philadelphia
and in other cities-I frequently use multiple categorical propositions
to fashion logical arguments. Typically in these instances, I use
what we in the NBA call the categorical syllogism, which is just
a fancy pro name for the everyday syllogism we all used on our neighborhood
courts growing up.
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| Cliche
Watch |
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...Lemieux’s thoughts and prayers went out to Stevens (r) and his
family...
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