YOUR FRIEND IS A WHORE

Dear [sic],
Last year in Moscow I knew Sherry Miller that was working in your paper. I knew also you during a eXile party, but is not the point.

Because of my caming back in Moscow I would like to know if you are able to give me any address of the blond girl.

My name is Stefano Calestani, from Italy.

If she went to USA is not a problem, give me her email adress. About the paper, I'm usually reading eXile, and I'm usually smiling.

Good job.
thank you
stefano

Dear Goom-bah Greaseball,
We can't give you Cheri D's address because we publicly fired her last year. Cheri was a public embarrassment, hitting up our clients for free drinks and telling people all over town that we weren't paying her. Plus she was butt-ugly. Besides, if you're trying to get in touch with her because you're hoping to get laid, we figure you're desperate enough to find her on your own.

STEERS AND QUEERS

Dear [sic]
Hello, my name is Stephen Murphy A.K.A Oblio. I am writing you in regard to the American Subtropical Liberation Army. If this "radical activist wing" of the Russian Subtropical Party does exist, I would like to put my entity forward and say I am now a new member. And I would love to receive more information.

If this is just another joke to piss some people off. It's still a great idea and i'll still consider myself a member.

THANX,
Oblio
Kansas City Chapter Of The American Subtropical Liberation Army
(K.C.C.A.S.L.A.)

Dear Oblio,
Yes, the American Subtropical Liberation Army does really exist, and yes, it is a joke intended to piss people off. Our next move is to announce a write-in candidacy for Murkowski's seat. We're going to hold an internal party caucus to choose a candidate. It probably won't be Mark Ames, though, because he's a Jew. We're glad to have you run the Kansas chapter of the party. Still, what's in Kansas? We thought there was nothing there but...