Issue #06/61, March 25 - April 7, 1999  

First off, a few words to defend against those libelous, uncultured louts over at The Moscow Times. In the MT Out of 19 March, Kevin "Spider" O'Flynn in his "Restaurant Bites" on Embassy Club referred to a "table of cheerful Americans" who received the T-bone steak favorably and who just happened to be myself and two fellow eaters. I'm not denying that we thought highly of the steak, but we were NOT, nor have we ever been (except for maybe like two or three very special occasions), "cheerful." This unchecked aggression will not stand, man. But have no fear, eXholes--this is precisely the sort of juicy case our General Counsel, Moe Snideman, really loves to sink his litigational teeth into.

Anyway, to get to the culinary review proper, suffice it to say that cigar aficionados (and anyone else who's hungry) can now enjoy a complete supper as they partake in Moscow's best selection of Cuban cigars, fine whiskeys, and exclusive cognacs. Unfortunately for those who work in the vicinity, there is as yet no lunch service, but hopefully this will change in the near future. Besides providing uniformly excellent eats in a comfortably luxurious setting, Embassy Club is notable for offering a wide variety of selections to appeal to practically every strata of eXhole, from black bean soup and burritos for the slacker crowd to blini with black caviar and the above-mentioned steak for the fancier lads out there.

We started with the marinated smoked salmon with mustard sauce ($12.50), as luscious a rendering of this common appetizer as you're likely to find anywhere in town, and a 97th-percentile Caesar salad ($7.50; $10 w/chicken) with dressing made from fresh chopped anchovies, making it richly pleasing without that unpleasant fishy taste so frequently encountered in these parts. Next came the soups, including a velvety-smooth cream of mushroom with chicken ($6) and a semi-spicy black bean ($5) that I've tried three times now and seems to get better every time. Personally, I prefer a chunkier version, but there's certainly no faulting the flavor. Fans of spicier fare will find their requests for hot sauce on the side rapidly satisfied.

It's the entrees that really separate the social-climbing idlers from the blue-bloods. Being unflappable world-weary cosmopolitans, we made our selections so as to achieve a fair sampling of what the menu had to offer.

Perhaps somewhat ironically, our eldest and most gainfully employed representative handled lower-class duties with the so-called "Best Burrito in Moscow!" ($8 veg/$10 w/chicken), a bit of an overstatement now that Hola Mexico has made a solid return to its former levels. Nevertheless, the burrito was a solid, relatively affordable number, and you can bet that we'll be returning frequently to see if it can someday live up to its name.

From among the numerous middle-management selections, I chose the baked salmon in red caviar sauce ($18.50). The fresh filet was subtly prepared, the rich sauce delectable, and the grilled vegetables on the side a robust complement. But by far the most impressive item was the upper-crust offering, a stunning T-bone steak in red burgundy sauce ($35) that had all three of us battling to grab as much meat as possible before the supply was exhausted. Some Foggy-Albionites at a neighboring table seemed not to countenance our uncouth behavior, but like fuck them, you know?

At dessert time, I was the victim of a Californian cabal, as the fellow eaters both ordered the highly recommended and in no way disappointing NY cheesecake, thus leaving me to select the very good but rather less exciting creme caramel ($4.50) for variety's sake. The coffee ($2.50) earned high marks from all three of us, as did the $5-per-glass Chianti.

Numerous other varieties are also available for $5-7. By the bottle, the Aussie offerings are probably the best bets, with customs hassles pricing the California varieties outside the realm of plausibility. For your post-dining pleasure, there's the wide selection of single-malts ($9-11), cognac (priced all the way up to $600 per 50g serving), and Cuban cigars for which Embassy Club has already become famous. Don't overlook the cocktails, however; the mostly Cuban bartenders make a mean margarita ($7), among other things.

And did we mention that the gifted chef hails from Nigeria? Especially in light of the racial undercurrents of the recent closure of the Hungry Duck, this kind of enlightened (and dare I say can-do?) management decision is definitely deserving of your support.