Issue #10/65, May 20 - June 3, 1999  

Just a fortnight after venturing into the realm of the overpriced and ostentatious with Mario, I thought I was headed for similarly unappetizing territory when an acquaintance recently dragged me to Brand, courtesy of his expense account. Fortunately, however, my premonition of Mercedes SUVs and faux haute cuisine turned out to be unfounded. Housed unassumingly on Smolenskaya ploshchad just across from the MID skyscraper, this is an understated establishment geared toward bigwigs who prefer to do their consuming in rather more inconspicuous surroundings. (For those desiring a totally covert presence--Duma deputies and the like--there's a pair of karaoke-outfitted VIP rooms and a top secret back entrance.) Further distancing it from Mario is the fact that Brand's offerings--Francocentric Eurofare prepared by a team of chefs who honed their craft at the Metropole--tend to taste as good as they look. The prices are not exactly cheapo-eXhole-friendly, but at least here you can generally expect to get what you pay for.

Take, for example, the wine list--largely French and certainly one of the most extensive in town. The entry-level reds may start out at a relatively high 200R/glass and 1100R/bottle (with the elite vintages weighing in at more than 30,000), but even these are the real thing--not the dubious low-rent kiosk swill with which many places will try to gouge you. While on the subject, I should mention the enticing chef's tasting combos, several carefully matched special dishes and wines by the glass priced at around 600R each. I didn't sample these delights myself, but if you want the finest wines known to man and you want them now, this could be your ticket.

Appetizers include the obligatory bliny with caviar (250/450R for red/black), intriguing cognac-marinated salmon (350R), and an uppity rendition of the familiar Russian potato/mushroom/onion dish (250R). Vegetarians and meatheads alike will dig the richly flavored eggplant terrine (300R). The "classic" French onion soup (200R) is perhaps a bit heavy-handed with the herbs de provence, but pleasing nonetheless. For the same price the Russian patriot can enjoy the meat solyanka, another fancy-lad variation on an everyday theme.

The main course presents a seemingly endless selection of old standbys and delectable combinations--aragvi fried chicken in plum-garlic sauce (350R), rack of veal with truffle sauce (630R), saffron salmon (580R), beluga filet in red wine sauce (580R). Our tummies were particularly tempted by the gamier options, however. The royal roast rabbit (620R) truly is a meal fit for a king (provided said monarch doesn't mind his gastronomic satisfaction involving the execution of a cute widdle bunny wabbit), while my duck in ginger-honey sauce (810R) had all the zest and tang you could want and was the first dish in recent memory to do the gloriously fatty waterfowl justice. Say what you will about the French, but they sure cook a mean duck.

No doubt in deference to the preceding richness, the desserts (prepared, without exception, in-house by an allegedly masterful dessert chef) are mostly on the light side--i.e., fruit salad, fresh berries, etc., in the 200R neighborhood. Larger parties feeling imaginative and with excess time on their hands (plus 900R to blow) can really see test the sweets dude's limits by ordering a custom 1-kg torte containing whatever ingredients and textures happen to strike their fancy. The coffee (60R for espresso/americano, 90R for cappuccino) is well prepared from grounds of superior quality. It's amazing really what a relative rarity that still is in Moscow. The caffeine-intolerant can sample one of a dozen or so fresh fruit and berry juices (70-220R).

Brand has actually been quietly operating for about a year, but the upstairs nightclub is a new addition. Along with slightly spacey atmosphere, hundreds of exotic cocktails (90-200R), and increasingly popular Sunday ladies nights (featuring the Dylan gang of Hungry Duck fame and some impromptu couch-dancing that apparently has the management somewhat miffed and perplexed), late-night visitors can enjoy the more Russified and affordable club menu. Appetizers are 80-150R, entrees 150-200R. See the blurb in the club section for further pertinent info.