Issue #28/53, December 3 - 16, 1998  

Forgive us if this sounds insensitive, but we just don't understand what the big deal is about Galina Starovoitova. It seems like all anyone wants to talk about is "the brutal merger of Galina Starovoitova". What's so brutal about a merger? Some people are so excited about it that they've even lost control of their grammar, and are saying that "Galina Starovoitova was mergered" and that her "mergerer" must be apprehended. We here at the eXile just don't get it.

People--even Duma Depu-ties--aren't "mergered", and they don't have "mergerers". At most, they participate in mergers, with the aid of legal counsel. And most of them get rich doing it. It's nothing to be sad about, and certainly not as newsworthy as all that.

The odd thing about this merger furor is that not one media outlet anywhere has bothered to inform us just who it was exactly that Starovoitova merged with. Even the TV reports only go so far as to say that her merger took place two Fridays ago late at night, outside her apartment in St. Petersburg. Not that we're anyone to criticize, but as far as we're concerned, that's just bad business reporting. When British Petroleum merged with Mobil, you didn't just hear about the BP side. You also heard about Mobil. You felt fully informed--in the know. The way a media consumer should. Not like the way we feel now, in the wake of this Starovoitova thing.

Another thing that has us just slapping our heads with incredulity is the fact that Starovoitova concluded her merger in a podyezd, of all places. I mean, we understand that she was a politician, not a businesswoman, but to make a deal that big in a place like that slaps not only of rank amateurism but of disrespect for commercial practice in general. And we're surprised, frankly, that organizations as noted for their fine business reporting as the Moscow Times and Reuters would choose to advertise Starovoitova's choice of venue as though it were a laudatory aspect of the deal.

We know differently. A podyezd is no place for a merger. In fact, in this country, you're more likely to be killed there than to make a buck. If you've paid attention at all to the eXile's "Death Porn" section over the course of the last year, you'll know that contract murder victims in particular are frequently shot in their podyezdi. It happens all the time. And Starovoitova should have kept that in mind, instead of sending a message to the business community that it can pursue such unsafe practices with abandon.

Another thing we found odd, if not downright suspicious, is the way in which the press has focused so exclusively on the business activities of Starovoitova alone. She's just one private individual, after all. Why her business successes should get more publicity than anyone else's is beyond us. Decorum alone prevents from laying a blanket accusation of favoritism at the feet of the Russian and Western press. Because it sure as hell looks like all that publicity was paid for. We know as well as anyone else that in this country, the media is controlled by business interests, and practically every article or television spot that the public sees is little more than thinly-veiled paid advertising. In this country, it's the financial barons that control the press: Menatep has Independent Media, Oneximbank has Russky Telegraf, Boris Berezovsky Nezavisimaya Gazeta, and so on. We at the eXile wouldn't have thought that a so-called "Democratic" politician like Starovoitova would have the kind of muscle to push through a media furor like this one, but in the past few years we've given up being surprised by our own naivete. Every day, it seems like we find something new to be disillusioned about. This Staro-voitova thing is no exception.

Merger, merger, merger. Brutal or not, it's not news. Not in today's Russia. Have some shame, you media hacks. People are being killed out there, and Russia is suffering for it. Try writing about that for a change, instead of padding your pockets--and advancing the careers of avaricious pols.