#38 | April 23 - May 6, 1998  smlogo.gif


In This Issue
Feature Story
Press Review
Death Porn
Kino Korner
Moscow Babylon


Stripped Bare

Do you all remember the police chief character in the Pink Panther movies? Remember the way his face acquired more and more psychotic tics and twitches the longer he worked with Inspector Clouseau? A similar process may be underway with interim editor Geoff Winestock, who this week has to suffer the indignity at seeing his home-printed door sign stolen and reprinted in this space. Unlike other Independent Media execs, the MT interim chief was never given a nice mahogany or brass office sign with his title to display on his door; the crudely taped-on cyrillic sign he did have reeked of horrifying temporaryness. And now even that's gone. Yes, we stole it, and here it is:


Our eventual goal is to transplant Winestock's entire offices into our own, full-scale replica office at a secret location near Rechnoi Vokzal. An Australian-complexioned mannequin has already been purchased, and once enough of Winestock's office supplies have been obtained, a second, "shadow" Moscow Times-a sort of evil twin brother- will be run out of the replica location. The operation will benefit no one, and will merely be annoying.

An alternative scenario which might also take place would involve us making demands in return for the kidnapped Winestock items. We would make the demands unreasonable and unfulfillable, i.e. asking that Cesar Romero be hired as Winestock's deputy to remake the paper in Swedish. When they fail to comply with our demands, we then start tossing Winestock objects out the window one after another, every ten minutes, until they are met. Or until they're not, and we think of some other way to fill space in the paper.

In any case, help us decide which course of action to take by writing your own Moscow Times news story on the affair:

Times Run by


Sign Taken,
But at
What Price?

Send your entries to us at exile.editor@matrix.ru, and help avoid a bloodbath!

Made headlines sending useless aid to Iraq Made headlines lending useless moral support to Iraq
Fortunes took off after "Top Secret," a spoof on Communist East Germany Fortunes took off after Lenin's top secret train ride through East Germany
Career peaked in late 80s Peaked in late 80s
Sang "The End" in the 1991 Oliver Stone film "The Doors" Met "The End" in 1991
Was the Iceman Kept Lenin's corpse on Ice
Staged phony demonstration scene in 1995 flop, "The Saint" Staged phony demonstration scene in 1998 flip-flop Kiriyenko vote
Last movies were box-office duds Last elections were ballot disasters
Played the villian in "Top Gun" Played the villian in "Top Gun"
Heat Red Heat

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