Issue #20/101, October 12 - 26, 2000
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EXILE SPORTS NOTESLenin’s Week 7 PicksThe inevitable historical results of this week’s NFL gamesGreetings, sports fans! If you’re like us, you’re rip-roarin’ and ready to go for week 7 of the NFL. Not because you like watching the games, of course, but because you need the money. For the eXile, betting on football has lately become our sole source of income. When we recently racked up a restaurant bill at Graf Orloff’s that was $694 more than we could pay (a staff party got out of control), we turned to Metellitsa-Sportland to bail us out. Thank God, the New England Patriots were an 8-point dog in Denver in week five. We bet $300 at 9-4 odds that the Pats would win outright against the Broncos, who they had not beaten at Mile High in 32 years. The Pats cleaned up and we paid the bill, acting as though we had the money all along. The next week, we took the Steelers to beat the Jets at the Meadowlands. Same deal: Vinny Testaverde went down with a pinched nerve in the first quarter, and we walked away with enough money to finally pay our starving Russian staff. We’d be lost, of course, if it weren’t for our resident in-house NFL guru, coaching legend Vladimir (Red) Lenin. Red is 15-6 against the spread this year and has shown no signs of slowing down. His materialist approach to sports betting is sure to be the next great innovation in the field. He’s a little serious sometimes, but once you get to know him, he’s not such a bad guy. He even jokes around sometimes; he does this funny thing with his hands, making shadows against the wall. He can do a dog and a bird. The bird flies. In any case, here are coach Red’s picks for the games due to be shown at Sportland this weekend, week 7 in the NF of L. Sunday, October 15 9:00 Sportland Time Monday, October 16 4:35 a.m. Sportland Time Tuesday, October 17
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