Issue #14/95, July 20 - August 3, 2000  

eGore.ru

Hey there eXholes! You might know me as the one half of the famous and powerful "Gore-Chernomyrdin Commission", boy what memories those were! Or you may know me as the inventor of the Internet. Well, I wouldn't go quite that far myself. In my new column for the eXile, I've decided to combine my talents as both Russia expert and Internet inventor to create a totally new, useful, and fun column, or what I call a "tool", to help you navigate the Information Superhighway right here in Russia.

Now even my old friend Vik will tell you, the first thing anyone does when they pull onto the fast lane of the Internet is to search for ways to meet other people and exchange information, ideas, or just to share cultures in our exciting Global Village. For that, I traveled to www.neznakomka.ru/love/list/. If you then click on the "poisk" for girls, a world of opportunity will unfold before you. There, girls with names like "Olga" and "Natasha" and "Popka" will announce not only their age, height and weight, but how much money they charge for a fuck and how to find them in order to engage in that fuck. I called a blond Tatar-looking girl named Nastya, who, frankly, looked a heck of a lot better in her photo than in person. She sweated a lot when I fucked her, but for fifty dollars, hey, eGore ain't gonna complain! The only problem was that I couldn't kick her out fast enough from my hotel room at the Marriot Grand, and Tipper nearly caught me red-handed. Hey, who's saying that I don't work hard, eh?

Next, I surfed around the World Wide Web and found another similar site, www.intim.org, where I found some interesting propositions under the "Apartamenty" menu. For one thing, I found out that you can order anal sex for as little as $40 to $65 dollars per anus per hour. You can also order a mother-daughter team, lesbians, and others. Since, as most of you know, my special forte is anal sex, I went with the "anal" offerings from the "Salon Nezabudki" for $65, figuring why scrimp when you're poised to become the leader of the Free World in the New Millennium?

The first girl that I had anal sex with was named Olga. She had long blond hair, was sort of plump but a heckuva sport when I put Al Jr. into her anal cavity. She wasn't good enough to warrant a callback, but I was satisfied with her positive attitude towards things. So satisfied, that I called her bosses at Salon Nezabudki back for another go, although this time, things weren't as wonderful. Instead of sending to me one of the fine young women whose pictures are listed on the site, a creature with stiff hair, thick mustache and stalky, overweight body appeared at my hotel door. Once I understood that this wasn't my wife Tipper, I let her in, and decided to at least give it a go. However, she was so unpleasant to look at, even moreso with her clothes off, that I couldn't maintain an erection, and sent her home, 65 dollars poorer. Well, I guess I'll have to start inviting Chinese lobbyists to the White House again if I'm going to keep this up!

I hope my first Internet column for you has been helpful, both men and women, white and black. As we move into the New Millennium, we need to learn to grapple with change and the range of choice. And nowhere is that more evident than in the world of illicit paid-for sex and pornography, a world I plan to explore for you, the eXhole, more in the future.

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