Issue #14/95, July 20 - August 3, 2000  

Frustrated at the lack of decisive movement on our official Shit List, we decided this week to do something. Not much, but something.

On Wednesday, at 1 p.m. Pacific time, we placed a call to a Domino's Pizza shop in downtown Los Angeles, at telephone number (310) 824-5000:

eXile: Yeah, hello? Is this Domino's?

Domino's: [female voice] Yes, sir.

eXile: Yeah, hi, this is Ray Irani at Occidental Petroleum.

Domino's: What?

eXile: I SAID, this is RAY IRANI down at Occidental Petroleum! On Wilshire Boulevard!

Domino's: Yes, sir, I'm sorry. I was having trouble hearing you. How can I help you?

eXile: Yeah, we're having an office party here, and we need a whole...a whole shitload of pizzas.

Domino's: Hold on, sir.

Domino's: [New voice; male] Yes, sir?

eXile: Yeah, hi, this is Ray Irani down at Occidental Petroleum. I want to order a whole buncha pizzas.

Domino's: Yes, and what is your telephone number, sir?

eXile: It's (310) 208-8800.

Domino's: And what is your name, sir?

eXile: The first name is Ray. Last name Irani. I-R-A-N-I.

Domino's: And where's this going?

eXile: It's going to 10889 Wilshire Boulevard. That's the Occidental Petroleum building... We're having an office party here. I just won a major lawsuit, so we're going have a buncha pizzas.

Domino's: What's the suite number?

eXile: Just send it to the front desk. They'll take it up. (meekly) I'm the CEO over here.

Domino's: And what is the company again, sir?

eXile: (annoyed) Occidental Petroleum. We're the ones doing all that drilling in Colombia.

Domino's: And what would you like?

eXile: Well, I think we're going to need about fifteen pizzas... And, uh, since the aborigines we kicked off our property are all vegetarians, we're gonna make sure to have meat on every one of them. So I'd like seven sausage—you got sausage?

Domino's: We've got sausage, sir.

eXile: We'll take seven sausage-yeah, all large—and eight pepperoni.

Domino's: To drink?

eXile: No, nothing to drink, we're taking care of that.

Domino's: And when do you want these?

eXile: Well, as soon as you can get it over here.

Domino's: That'll be about an hour.

eXile: Okay.

Domino's: And that'll be $161.10, sir.

eXile: $161.10, right.

Domino's: Okay?

eXile: Yeah. What's your name?

Domino's: Max.

eXile: Okay, Max. Thanks a lot.

Occidental Petroleum chief Irani, of course, was the one who shot all the way up to number two in our last issue. That was after Colombian police fired upon unarmed U'Wa Indians who were protesting Irani's plan to drill on their last remaining homelands. Irani, to recap quickly, had previously successfully sued American protesters for inhibiting his "quiet enjoyment of real property rights" when they camped out in front of his house to promote the U'Wa cause. We considered upping the reward, but we couldn't afford it. Anyway, we stuck him for a bunch of pizzas. If it was good enough for Nixon, it's good enough for us.

Otherwise, there wasn't a whole lot of movement on the list. For those unfamiliar with our format, incidentally, we're offering $1,000 for information leading to the arrest or firing of anyone on our list. We still mean it, but whatever. In any case, there was one new addition this issue:

Name: Judge Edward Korman
Position: Chief Judge of Eastern District, New York

Crime: We normally don't go after judges who offer lenient sentences to drug traffickers, but this was such an obvious case of one important government cracker going easy on another, while hundreds of thousands of far more innocent Americans rot in jail for far less egregious drug-related offenses, that we couldn't hold back. Here's what happened: the wife of Col. James Hiett, who headed the U.S. Army's anti-drug operation in Colombia, was busted running a massive heroin-trafficking ring right out of the U.S. Embassy in Bogota. While Hiett claimed that he had no idea his wife was running smack, he admitted that his wife had made two trips last year to New York, each time returning with $25,000 in cash, which, he claimed, he never questioned her about. However, he did admit to using $14,000 grand to pay for "personal expenses," still never asking his wife where she came across so many wads of Ben Franklins. Meanwhile, the embassy's former chauffer, Jorge Ayala, who is pending extradition, alleged that not only Hiett and wife, but the Marine guard staff and the local DEA agent were all involved in heroin trafficking. Judge Korman, on hearing the case, claimed to be "disturbed" by Hiett's silence, and admonished him thus: "‘You spent the money. … You had to know what the source was.'" When he intimated that Hiett might get 18 months, Colombian authorities, who are being strong-armed by the U.S. into extraditing their citizens, ratcheting up the war, and unleashing dangerous toxins into the country side, were incensed. Korman's response? A five-month sentence, with five months' probation. Colombia's new National Police chief Gen. Luis Ernesto Gilibert condemned the sentence as a "joke." For a guy who spent his working hours killing and imprisoning others in the war on drugs. Compare this to Amy Pofahl, who was handed a 24-year sentence for alleged complicity with her ecstasy-dealing husband, whom she had been estranged from during the period of his dealing. Of course, the obvious answer to all this to bring the ludicrous War on Drugs to an end, legalizing everything.

How to get him arrested or fired: Organize a mass smack-in in front of his courthouse, which could be declared a "smack-friendly zone" or "Korman's Opium den."

Where To find him: 225 Cadman Plaza East, Brooklyn, NY, 11201

	#94	suspect	crime
#1	#1	General Barry McCaffrey	domestic, foreign war crimes
#2	#19	Ray Irani	destroys ancestral homelands
#3	#3	David Hoffman	Worst journalist in Moscow
#4	#4	Bob Propst	Created the cubicle
#5	#7	Fred Hiatt	Existing
#6	#6	Nikita Mikhalkov	Abusing his would-be-Hollywood powers
#7	#5	Viktor Pelevin	Bad writing
#8	#8	Mary Jane Quinn	sex-harrassment pioneer
#9	new	Louis Caldera	Disney-ization of th army
#10	#10	Joscha Fischer	Phenomenally hypocritical sellout
#11	#11	Gleb Pavlovsky	Pideras
#12	#12	Johannes Steinberg	Proselytizing the evils of Scandinavian furniture
#13	#13	Dan Lungren	Ordered raids of Cannabis Clubs
#14	#9	Edgardo Diaz	Promoter/Creator of Menudo
#15	new	Craig Reed	Nuking our food
#16	#16	Sandra Day O'Connor	Hands out ten years in prison for thinking out loud
#17	#17	Bill Burgess	Sponsor of "IPO Boot Camps"
#18	#24	Jeffery Sachs	destroyed Russia
#19	#23	Bruce Bean	Putin cheerleader
#20	#20	Trudy Sullivan	Promoting the "casual day" phenomenon
#21	#21	David Foster Wallace	Bad writing; abuse of the footnote; likes Pynchon
#22	#18	Robin Williams	Schlock merchant
#23	#28	Stanley Fischer	Helps to prolong Russia's economic suffering
#24	new	Frank Warren	Bothering Mike Tyson
#25	#33	Steve Case	The Wal-Mart-ization of the Internet
#26	#14	Dr. Charles Cutler	Fixes Insurance Plans so as to screw Americans out
#27	#27	Robert Rhoads	Crushes unions
#28	#15	Sir John Brown	Evil globalization troll
#29	#25	Keith Erling Thompson	sells ads on PBS
#30	#30	Bruce Davis	Every Best Picture Oscar since Amadeus
#31	#31	Jackie O'Hare	Takes Federal bribes to run anti-drug stories
#32	#32	Seymour Topping	Almost every Pulitzer
#33	#33	Gloria Hamilton	Suspended student for wearing a Pepsi shirt
#34	#34	Dan Rather	Refused to air Amnesty Internatrional report
#35	#22	The Mystery Hacker	Stealing articles about the Kosovo war
#36	#29	Jodie Foster	Being stiff and dull
#37	new	Judge Edward Kormano's:JJ	let Colombia embassy drugrunners walk
#38	#38	Andrei Shleifer	Remaining employed
#39	#39	Col. Cristopher St. John	Planted PSYOP interns at jobs at CNN and NPR
#40	#40	Bernard Kouchner	8,892 counts of fictional murder

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