the eXile - The Virtual Voyeur

#5 | April 10 - 23, 1997

In This Issue

Knock, Knock, Knocking on Heaven's Gate

The enlightened electronic guru, Erik Davis, recently said: "In many ways we're sort of creating a 'deus ex machina,' a great machine that is penetrating and connecting in with more and more of our lives. In that sense, there's something like a terrestrial god about it." Of course, Brother Erik wasn't talking about another Sting album, kids; but his brilliant words were speaking of no other higher-karmic vehicle than that Pentium-intelligence of fibre-optic telepathy-the Internet. And, of course, whenever there's a question of worshipping or being worshipped, your humble, eXile new-media servant, Mother Theresa, will dutifully be there to report on it for you.

Most certainly, the Internet enjoys an element of the sacred-profane that, until now, only the Catholic clergy and Madonna had been able to exploit to any advantage. Not only is an online adventure sensually enticing-being at once personal and entirely anonymous-but it is also Other-Worldy-by which you make contact with ephemeral beings and mutually engage in out-of-body experiences, as couples, in menages-a-trois, or via full-on cybo-religious orgies. And it is in this environment where skinny, sickly-pale, screen-tanned, techno-geeks with drivel running down their chins become demi-gods; or worse, mass suicide victims. But whence these Cyber Jim Jones' and their Virtual People's Temples? Because they don't exactly advertise as "killer cults" or "Satan-worship clans," it's not easy to locate these slippery little brain-washing critters on the Internet, or anywhere else really, except maybe in Southern California. Unfortunately, the Heaven's Gate website is now off-limits, too, largely because there was no one left around keep it updated, I guess. Luckily though, Mother Theresa has managed to find a new site where you, children, can read about people who follow a solitary male figure ("Sheldon Nidle"), predict "mass landings" of spaceships in 1997 and human ascension into them, and who-surprise -market Internet services and software products off their homepage. (Gee, gone are the days of glassy-eyed hippies selling little red, paper poppies outside Kresge's Drugstore.) The site is called "The Ground Crew Project," and when you visit, be sure to check out "Love Meditation from the Spiritual Hierarchy," where Mr. Nidle teleconferences to his followers: "They are going to pump energy into us and they want us to have our guides and counsellors together with us... So, put your left hand on your heart chakra now, and breathe deeply..."

The best Internet cult site I found was one which actually catalogs and reviews the most fascinating and heinous mass suicides in recent history, ranked naturally, by death toll. "Cults 'R Us" is brought to you by the same wacky mayhem.net sponsors who maintain the serial killer-thriller homepage, "Body Count." And these Internet forensic humorists have an anti-copyright policy, which makes a visit to their high-speed Java playland a jpeg-score of all the Aum Shinrikyo and Jeffrey Dahmer graphics your hard-drive can make off with.

Two less heavy-handed chroniclers of Internet Cultism also made the cut: The Observer's "A-Z of Cults" and Gene R. Thursby's "Alternative and New Religions Page." "A-Z" deserves a surf because they not only have their own version of Cult "Cheers and Jeers," a la yours truly (i.e., "Reason to Join: Front Row Seats at Armageddon," etc.), but because they also listed a group they called 'X' Cults. (Of course, we'll slip them the patented, lowercase 'e.') Then, they defined 'eX' Cults to include "any interpersonal or social arrangement where a figurehead achieves loyalty through a schizophrenic mixture of violent threats and intense encour-agement." Mere coincidence? I think not.

Mr. Thursby deserves an honorable mention for providing the most even-handed listing of wigged-out, monkey turd-deifying, intergalactic whack-oes I found on the Net. I'm not even sure, as with the Observer page, that we would classify some of this stuff as "cult" (I mean, Yoga too?), but the likes of "New Age Voices" and "Synchronicity" (again, not the Police album) definitely qualify. In sticking with this fairness theme, Mr. Thursby also provides links to Atheist and Skeptic groups, as well as to a page on Anti-Cult and Ex-Cult Groups (but not 'eX' Cult Groups), which in the end, we may find useful. Luckily, if you fear going over the sacred, electronic "edge" yourself, or are worried about someone close to you doing so, the Internet does have cult-group watchdogs who strive to curb the growing groundswell of evil clan organizations, and who offer help to people "recovering from religion." The "Online Guide to Major Cults" is really a semi-militant Christian group masquerading as a cult information resource, and their target list of extreme religious groups includes the gentle Mormons, the obsequious (if incredibly annoying) Jehovah's Witnesses and some group guilty of, oh no, (Neil?) "Armstrongism." The Guide also sponsors a "Christian Web Site of the Day" Award, which, curiously they have even managed to win themselves.

If you already find yourself writing homepages for a living and sending all your income to a megalomaniac who promises you a better life on a Planet Zantheon, then I recommend a last, last-ditch website-"InfoCult"-for your salvation. As far as I could tell, this was the only group on the Net (besides the cults) making money off people who have traded the use of their brains for the betterment of their souls. Thankfully, for only forty bucks an hour, InfoCult will provide you a "fast and convenient research service" on cults, which I'm guessing also includes information on how to get out of one. If you have the need, their URL is below; and if your situation is truly desperate, there is even a phone number listed on their homepage: (Canada) 514-272-2333.