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Class War For Idiots
Decline & Fall Of America: JPMorgan Fleeces Alabama Hicks With "Shit Bonds," National Guard Called In

America’s collapse into a Third World banana republic is accelerating: Alabama’s most populous county, Jefferson County, is so broke it’s closing down courthouses and laying off so many cops that it’s now planning to call in the National Guard to…

Posted on: August 5th, 2009 | Comments (28)

Citigroup PSA: After All The Money We Stole, Here Are A Few Sucker Belt-tightening Tips Everyone Can Use

I was channel surfing last night when I stumbled upon a couple of Citi commercials—or PSAs, since taxpayers own more than 30% of Citi—that offered viewers a number of depression-era, cost-cutting lifestyle suggestions. With the billions in bonuses Citi has paid out to…

Posted on: August 1st, 2009 | Comments (14)

Are Subprime Cities On Their Way To Becoming America's Very Own Gulag Archipelago?

It’s 5 AM in Victorville, California, and I haven’t slept in 48 hours. Outside my second-story window, the sun is rising up over the jagged mountains across the desert. In the three months I’ve lived here, I’ve seen more sunrises…

Posted on: July 21st, 2009 | Comments (66)

Elmer Fudd Nation: Angelo Mozilo & His 300 Million Slapstick Foils

If I was an oligarch and I wanted to buy my spoiled little shit of a son a toy that would make him laugh and laugh for hours, I’d buy him a middle-class American. Because Americans are funny the way…

Posted on: June 12th, 2009 | Comments (34)

How The Bums Lost The Class War Of 2009

An Eyewitness Account of the “Kerfuffle at Golden Pond Lane,” March 21, 2009 (This post was published on Playboy.com) I was there when the so-called “Class War” went down. I saw the whole thing happen, on a cul-de-sac called Golden…

Posted on: April 28th, 2009 | Comments (39)

Class War 101: Meet The Reptiles (Who Are Making Meat Out Of You)

(This article was first published last week on Playboy.com) America is now in a state of bloodlust, following the shocking realization that there are bad people at the top of our economic food chain. We knew there were some bad…

Posted on: March 31st, 2009 | Comments (50)

The Reagan Revolution For Dummies: This Graph Shows Just When The Class War Started, And How Many Prisoners It's Taken

I’ve heard from more than a few people who get all hot under the collar when I say that the whole class war against America started under Reagan. This graph pretty much says it all: it was Reagan who saw…

Posted on: March 23rd, 2009 | Comments (39)

Update: This Fuckhead Is Hiding Because A Real-Life Execution Bus Is Heading Into Connecticut Tomorrow! Honk-Honk! All Aboard The Madoff Mobile!

(Updated below) Who is this combover shithead poking his head nervously around the corner? Why, it’s none other than Joseph Cassano, who should be high up on everyone’s list for a little game hunting this weekend. Joseph Cassano, the thief who…

Posted on: March 20th, 2009 | Comments (46)

How To Find The Nearest AIG Financial Products Office

Since news broke about the obscene million-dollar bonuses that taxpayers are paying to the very same AIG Financial Products traders who destroyed millions of lives, decent hard-working Americans have expressed their First Amendment rights and flooded AIG Financial’s offices with…

Posted on: March 17th, 2009 | Comments (28)

Mobile Execution Bus Fleets: The Solution To America's Banker Problem

“So many corrupt bankers, so few lethal-injection tables.” How many times have you heard that lately? Yes, it’s a common complaint in America today. In these difficult economic times, we have a lot of justice to mete out to the…

Posted on: March 6th, 2009 | Comments (36)

Sucker Stamp: 58-year-old Disgruntled Wal-Mart Employee Burns Self To Death in Parking Lot

A 58-year-old Wal-Mart employee who said he “couldn’t take it anymore” lit himself on fire outside the Bloomingdale store where he worked late Thursday night and was later pronounced dead at a hospital, authorities said this morning.

Posted on: February 27th, 2009 | Comments (19)