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The War Nerd


War Nerd Return

I know, I know, I’ve been AWOL a long time. Shoot me. No, seriously. I wouldn’t object. It’d be great to get shot, as long as it was quick and fatal, not somewhere like the shin, where you scream like a raccoon from the pain and don’t even die. Shot nice and quick by a firing squad, that’s the dream. When that redneck demanded capital punishment by firing squad in Utah, I was as jealous as I used to get reading about Hannibal and Forrest. Lucky bald-headed Aryan Brotherhood bastard: what a way to go! He suckered those Mormons all the way. Lethal injection, now that’s scary: die on a table with tubes going up your elbow? That’s too much like how I’m going to die for reals (and how you’ll die too, even if you don’t want to think about it). But getting shot in the heart—that’s making something of yourself. Be shot. (more…)

Posted on: July 19th, 2010 | Comments (108)

A Memorial Day War Nerd: Gettysburg Was The Finest Fight Ever In The World

When the fourth of July rolls around, you’re supposed to think of, I don’t know, the Constitution and backyard cookouts like in old Chevy ads—but for me, it’s really Gettysburg we’re celebrating. Greatest battle in American history.

But the battle, …

Posted on: May 30th, 2010 | Comments (32)

Homage To Haiti: A War Nerd Classic

This article was first published in The eXile on February 19, 2004.

Haiti popped into the news again, and I decided it was time to tell the whole military history of the place. It’s got to be the most …

Posted on: January 13th, 2010 | Comments (54)

The War Nerd Looks At Yemen: An Exile Classic

This article was first published in The eXile on November 13, 2002.

Reading the leaks from Washington, you can tell we’re gearing up to do something in Yemen. A little regime-change action maybe, a sideshow to the big production number …

Posted on: December 31st, 2009 | Comments (27)

The War Nerd: Hardware For Dummies: V-22 Osprey Takes The Pepsi Challenge Against F-18 Hornet

This article first appeared in The eXile on February 21, 2008.

FRESNO, CA — OK, let’s talk hardware for once. I love the hardware, always have; the reason I don’t talk much about it is that what we’ve got is mostly …

Posted on: December 4th, 2009 | Comments (48)

Exile Classic (The War Nerd): Nepal: Peace, Love, Massacres

This article was first published in The eXile on November 27, 2002

Ever wanna go to Kathmandu? Not me. I was never a hippie. The hippie types always talked about heading off to Nepal for spiritual enlightenment, but it sounded …

Posted on: October 12th, 2009 | Comments (36)

Blackwater: Stop Acting Surprised

One thing you notice more and more the longer you hang around this sleazy world is the way mainstream types can’t admit to the obvious. They always have to act shocked. So it’s like, “Bond Mogul Convicted of Fraud”-oh, the shock! Like …

Posted on: August 11th, 2009 | Comments (96)

War Nerd: Battle Paintings: I May Not Know Much about Art, But I’ve Got A Gun

When the fourth of July rolls around, you’re supposed to think of, I don’t know, the Constitution and backyard cookouts like in old Chevy ads—but for me, it’s really Gettysburg we’re celebrating. Greatest battle in American history.

Posted on: July 7th, 2009 | Comments (85)

War Nerd Book Review: A Neocon Thriller That Has Cool Lefties Turning Into Rabid Jew-hating Nazis After A Glass of Wine

Summer Reading: Banquo’s Ghosts, by Richard Lowry and Keith Korman, Vanguard Press (2009), 352 pages.

You have to feel a little sorry for the two neocons who co-wrote Banquo’s Ghosts. The idea seems simple enough: a Tom Clancy-style …

Posted on: June 26th, 2009 | Comments (32)

War Nerd: Iran’s Cedar Show, A.K.A. Don’t Get Excited, the Protestors Are Just Letting Off Some Steam

It took me a while to figure out why everybody was nagging me to do a column on the Iranian elections. Everybody seemed to think it was all mysterious and world-shaking. Finally I realized, you’re all het up because every …

Posted on: June 18th, 2009 | Comments (71)

When Pigs Fly–and Scold: Brits Lecturing Sri Lanka!

Kandy Man with long name who fought the Brits.

Key fact: in Sri Lanka heroes were allowed to get fat, another reason to like the place.

You see some pretty sick stuff when you do my job, …

Posted on: May 22nd, 2009 | Comments (128)

Sri Lanka War Nerd Update: Prabhy Dies Yellow

Cheech Marin moonlighting as the leader of the Tamil Tigers?

I have to say “Thank you, God of War,” because we just saw a decisive victory in a war, for once. I never thought I’d live to see the …

Posted on: May 20th, 2009 | Comments (34)

War Nerd: The Tamil Tigers Shoulda Listened to Yo’ Mao-Mao

Velupillai Prabhakaran: LTTE’s Guerrilla Generalissimo

One thing you have to give the doomed Tamil rebels in Sri Lanka credit for: their supporters sitting in comfortable first-world cities have no shame when it comes to begging for help. Militarily the …

Posted on: May 11th, 2009 | Comments (49)

The War Nerd: This Is How the Carriers Will Die (Updated Version)

(Editor’s Note: Since this article was published yesterday for subscribers, Mr. Brecher has published a big follow-up which we post below after this article.)

I’ve been saying for a long time that aircraft carriers are just history’s …

Posted on: April 1st, 2009 | Comments (240)

War Nerd: Apocalypse Never

Sorry about the long break. I had to deal with my real job, even picked up some extra hours. Once I would have bitched non-stop about that, but I’ve noticed that everybody’s gotten real flexible about their schedules, now that …

Posted on: March 10th, 2009 | Comments (89)