KinoProbi Festival. Friday, November 17. Olimpiski Stadium (Prospect Mira).

We’re sorry. We thought the idea of tribute albums hit absolute zero sometime around the most recent Bob Marley tribute “Chant Down Babylon”, featuring Lauren Hill and Busta Rhymes. We were wrong. We admit it. Now, inspired by the American trend that recognized that modern day peasants buy anything with a familiar face on the cover, the top pop artists of Russian alternative have gotten together to do covers of Viktor Tsoi. Despite labels like the “Russian John Lennon,” Tsoi is, as anyone who has ever listened to Kino should know, at best a shitty Pink Floyd rip-off. Groups like VV, Zemfira and Mummy Troll will fill the giant stadium with Tsoi’s psuedo-profound lyrics and swaying youngens with lighters. Expect lots of kids that hang out on the Arbat with ripped jeans, if they can scrape together enough money for a ticket. At the very least, they’ll be found huddled in the cold outside drinking vodka and experiencing those glorious years of teen angst. Good for those with pimple fetishes.

Street Musicians Festival. Wednesday and Thursday, November 22 and 23. 22:00. Kitaisky Letchik.

Winter’s coming and the sight of musicians standing out in public playing shitty music is getting less common. Kitaisky Letchik doesn’t think this is a good thing, and is inviting street musicians from all over Moscow to play inside for a change. They don’t seem to understand that there is a reason these talentless dweebs play on the street—they can’t get jobs working in clubs. Expect a mix of acoustic guitar, Kino tributes that didn’t make the cut at the KinoProbi, and heavy metal. That guy who plays a taut string with two saws around town should be on hand. Also, some Americans who claim to be street musicians from New York will be there. We still haven’t figured out why that is considered prestigious, because anyone who’s spent five minutes in the New York metro knows that New York street musicians are every bit as shitty as the locals. Sadly, there are rumors of a possible eXile performance. Cover: R100.

VV. Friday, November 17. Sportbar.

After playing some Kino covers over by Prospect Mira, the only Ukrainian group known beyond Ukraine’s borders since Bohdan Khlemitsky is giving a show on Novii Arbat. Their music hasn’t changed much in the last 10 years, meaning that it still has that late Eighties francophone alternative feel to it. If that’s your thing, or you like hanging out with a bunch of khokhli, check it out.

Televisor. Sunday, November 19. Shwin.

Old school new wave from Petersburg. This band made its name in the mid 90’s using that, well, new wave sound and looking like Xeroxes of David Bowie circa 1982. Their only big hit called your father a fascist and all of their songs have equally annoying and obtuse social messages. Nobody has even though about Televisor in about four years. Now they’re trying to make a comeback and, having realized the limited appeal of new wave, they’ve reinvented themselves as a grunge band. Seems they have an affinity for music ten years past its prime. They decided to keep the social themes, although otherwise try to imitate Nirvana. Hopefully they’ll all pull a Cobain and blow their heads off.

Citadel Records Party. Thursday, November 9. Buddha Bar. 22:00.

The only reason we’re running this is to make you feel like a loser. You weren’t cool enough to know that this was happening and you missed it. Now, you won’t be able to listen to Detsky Panadol for at least two weeks. Don’t you feel like an asshole? You also missed Moscow Grooves and a whole bunch of funky DJs. Not like the music makes much a difference. The fact is that lots of people in the know were at this party and you weren’t. You probably don’t even know what Citadel Records is, or that it is one of the only indy labels in town. We suggest you go out and get yourself some fat pants. Dyeing your hair might help, too. Then, maybe next time you’ll hear about the party in time.