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low-yield murder |
"skull-brain trauma" |
podyezd |
really stupid criminal |
children |
Russian Sports Connection |
murder-suicide |
cries for help ignored |
"investigation continuing" |
carved up like a turkey |
related to victim's job |
cannibalism |
riddled with bullets |
old people |
Close to Home
And now for a little mixing of eXile metaphors: for the first time in a while, a high flathead factor has doubled as a death porn entry.
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| "You know, we might sell more of these toothpicks if we made them thinner!" |
We forgot to report it, but on March 23, in the Moscow nightclub "Master" (see eXile guide), four bodyguards were killed in an argument that just got, well, out of hand.
Actually what happened was this: Lev Seregin, Stanislav Laurinavichus, Viktor Beznalko and Vladimir Kosygin were all on their way home after a long night at work when a car pulled up ouside the club and opened fire on them. 13 bullets from a Kalashnikov finished off all four men. Police say the four had no connection to the criminal world, but had, conversely, tossed out some heavy duty clients for drunkenness the night before. Apparently, someone didn't like the treatment. Anyway, the eXile hates to see even bouncers get killed, so please give the security man in your life a hug and a big sloppy wet kiss the next time you see him, in honor of the fallen Master men. You'll feel better, and they might take their hands off your neck.
An Exception to the Rule
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Everything about the following story defies logic and experience. Two weeks ago, in the Tula Oblast city of Shekinsky, a body was found in the local drunk tank. A body with a skull-brain trauma. Logic dictated that he shouldn't have been there. After all, the only people the deceased had come into contact with in the last sixteen hours were a pair of local officers of the GAI.
Furthermore, this was a person who had survived worse trials already; the victim was the chief engineer in the city's asbestos factory. Nonetheless, the inexplicable was explained when city morgue officials reported the skull-brain trauma corpse to the police, who subsequently made the mistake of making a few phone calls, in the course of which it was learned that two of their own had beaten the victim to death.
In fact, it turned out that the two GAI officers had been drunk themselves, and had detained the victim for no reason whatsoever. Also, as an added twist, the medic at the drying-out center had participated in the beating. Police decline comment on whether or not service of the Hippocratic oath was a motive. Overall, an ochen silnaya kartina emerges:
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| "I may not be pretty, but I sure am covered in sickly folds!" |
a city where you can be beaten to death by the police for no reason, and where the medics trained to save your life, if you are rescued from a life-threatening beating, will also beat you to death. All three suspects have been relieved of the burden of government service, but there's no word yet on the disposition of their criminal cases.
Consumer Education
Here's an uplifting tale. In the city of Nudzavonsk, city officials had spent months searching for a serial child molester who went after little girls on the way home from school. The sex offender had a standard m.o.: he met little girls outside the local high school or middle school, walked them home, got into their elevator with them, stopped the elevator, raped them, then offered them money for their trouble. Parents became alarmed when little girls all around the city started returning home with frightened looks on their faces and large sums of money in their hands.
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| "Mr. Bass, maybe you should try another line of work..." |
One recent victim, who Kriminalnaya Khronika identifies as Dz. Agrippina, came home with a full hundred dollars. Police afterward sent undercover cops into the high school system to pose as little girls in need of money. The undercover cops would approach people after school and loudly ask for large sums of money. These decoys never attracted the rapist, but they were beaten on several occasions by irritated pedestrians. In any case, a suspect was finally captured when 6th-year student Praskovia Geremonova was approached in her elevator and offered $20. Remembering the story of Agrippina, she quickly demanded $100. The maniac then reportedly paused, allowing the girl to get away. She ran to her home, out of which her father quickly emerged, chasing down the suspect to ask him for the missing $80. This is no joke, folks. Finally, the suspect was captured during this incident. His identity has yet to be established: local secret services are attempting, believe it or not, to link him to foreign intelligence agencies.
Dog Days of Moscow
From the "It-Sounds-Like-Bullshit-but-We'll-Report-it-Anyway" file, yet another wild Kriminalnaya Khronika tale: reporter Alexander Bagrov reported that a New Russian banditi type was discovered to have hired homeless people to act like dogs at his dacha.
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| "ZZZZ...honey, just give me five more minutes, please!" |
The bandit, the paper said, brought bums in to walk on all fours, fetch him beers, and roll over. Bagrov, who didn't substantiate any of his article, said that this story came on the heels of reports that New Russians have started ditching dogfights to hold Homeless fights, and that one provincial bandit has already been arrested for tossing two black men in a cage with a zoo lion. We'll believe it when we see names and dates, but on the other hand, the general vibe in Russian bandit society lately would tend to lend the story verissimilitude. Next thing you know, well be getting Bob Guccione films about the Yeltsin regime...
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