[SIC] AND TIRED

Dear [Sic],
I used to follow your paper with great interest. But lately there have been some developments in your pages which lead me to suspect that you have lost control of your editorial mission.

As an African I was outraged by your fake advertisement in the otherwise-hilarious April 1 issue, which used the headline "Niggers" in a phony Russia Review magazine cover. I was almost willing to pass that off as simply a failed joke until I picked up the next issue and found the overtly racist Russian road sign feature, which also used the word "nigger".

Clearly you gentlemen at the eXile believe that it is necessary to breach the boundaries of good taste at all times, offending as many people as possible. But there are times when speech becomes violence, particularly given the climate we Africans live in here in Moscow. You may think you're being funny, but if you had to live through the constant aggravation that students like myself have to in this city, you wouldn't find it so funny at all.

You begin to lose your support when you expose yourselves as people who are not crusaders for the underdog, but spoiled egotists too wrapped up in themselves to care when you are being hurtful and destructive.

I have ceased reading the eXile and I encourage other Africans to do the same.
[name withheld at request]

Dear [name withheld],
The eXile apologizes if you or anyone else in the community was offended by our recent features. However, we don't apologize for having run these features, because, quite frankly, we thought they were funny. In our defense we can only encourage Africans and Western blacks to read our paper carefully. In the above instances, we were really lampooning the cluelessness of the Russia Review and the overt racism of the GAI.

If you've read our paper before, you should also notice that one of the key themes of this paper is the grotesque racism of the Russian police, a subject we come back to over and over again in everything from comic strips to feature articles. We blasted former World Bank economist Lawrence Summers for preaching that the lives of nonwhite Africans are worth less, dollar for dollar, than the lives of Americans or Europeans. Beyond that, the not-so-subtle anti-Russian racism of the Western eXpat community is probably the central theme of our paper, and has been from day 1.

But that's beside the point. We think we'd be making a mistake if we went out of our way to earn an anti-racism scout badge. Nothing is as unfunny as a comedian with a p.c.-style agenda, and we can't afford to be any more unfunny than we already are naturally.

We're sorry if you were offended by those features. We're not about giving anybody a hard time who doesn't deserve it.

DYKING OUT

Dear sic, Mark and eXile,
God, don't you have some pride. Coming on my TV and pasting your Frankenstensque face all over. Has anybody told you of your similarity with Noel Gallagher (that same shitty heroin-distorted "#1092,#1080,#1079,#1080,#1086,#1085,#1086,#1084,#1080,#1103,") and Alexander Lebed (your genetically inherited impotence in expressing yourself). The "pro eto" show proves the superiority of Moscow Times over Exile, and more sinister, the fact that MT finances your drag, a fact which you've been trying to conceal. The numerous references made to MT in your paper are a form of sadomasochistic submission and gratitude. Come on double up and get MT-fucked in the ass (by dildo-strapped Jane Mackenzie).

Please, don't take your readers with you to the orgy.

A Frustrated Dyke.

Hey,
Jean, is that you again?! You won't leave me alone, will you!

DEATH TO NUBBERS

Dear [sic],
That whole nigger thing isn't funny. You probably wouldn't like it if someone got up in public and called you a couple of impotent Jew retards.
A.

Dear A,
Actually, we aren't impotent. Both editors have recently had hydraulic pumps implanted in their scrota, allowing each to obtain a satisfying, reliable erection on demand.

lowercase [sic]

Dear [sic],
press review is so great.
are you aware of a new magazine coming out this summer called "Content"?
it'll be devoted solely to analyzing journalism
(www.contentmagazine.com).

best wishes, douglas

Dear Douglas,
why can't anyone in America
write in complete
senteces and.
use capital letters?
are u all. morons :}

KINO IN CHARGE

Dear [sic],
When are your two editors going to quit and hand over the paper to Kino Kevin? He's the only guy in the paper who can write. Plus he's not an asshole. Why do you think being an asshole sells? It doesn't. It's just totally fucking sad.
Signed,
Brutus

Dear "Brutus",
Why is it that people write to us with these jackass pseudonyms? You don't see anyone writing to the Moscow Times with a name like "Brutus." That's because the Times would look at anyone who write a letter to the editorÑ in many cases, the only thing the author is going to publish in his entire lifetimeÑ and wonder just why the hell he wouldn't sign his real hame. It's a big event, why not mark it, leave something of yourself for posterity. But instead, you just write Brutus. And anyway, since you asked, how do you know Kevin isn't already running the damn paper? You don't know anything. You're a fucking amateur.