Issue #28/53, December 3 - 16, 1998  

low-yield murder	"skull-brain trauma"	podyezd	really stupid criminal	children	cries for help ignored	murder-suicide
"investigation continuing"	carved up like a turkey	related to victim's job	cannibalism	riddled with bullets	old people	Rybalka

Those 32 Bodies You Didn't Hear About

So you didn't hear about the 32 bodies that were found recently underneath the headquarters of a criminal gang in Yaroslavl? You don't say! Neither did we, actually. It must be all the stress we've been under lately-- laying off

"Gee, those exploding birthday candles really liven up a party!"

our employees, embezzling the last of our company funds, searching out cheap tickets to the Azores...Actually, we're not surprised that you haven't heard of the Yaroslavl bust, because, of course, it hasn't been in the news. The arrest took place in September, but it wasn't until Kriminalnaya Khronika wedged it into its page 5 briefs column that it hit the Moscow papers. What happened was this: under the auspices of a registered real estate firm called "Partner", a group of 5-6 swindlers lured Oblast residents to their offices to discuss the possible sale of their apartments. Once they got them there, they fed them poisoned vodka, then either strangled them or shot them, then took their documents and used them to effect a legal transfer of their property. The bodies they drove out to two (known) remote village properties owned by the company and buried them in the basement. According to police, in more than a year of operations, the company decided to exercise caution and only sold three of the properties belonging to the victims, keeping the rest for themselves and even collecting the pensions of the deceased. In some cases, the criminals apparently even sent telegrams to family members of the victims, promising to call soon.

The group might have continued operating indefinitely had they not slipped up and murdered a local Orthodox priest, whose death caused a local outcry and forced the Yaroslavl police to launch a thorough investigation. Word that the priest had planned on meeting with a real estate company shortly before his disappearance led police to "Partner" and specifically to 35 year-old Alexander Borovkov, an ex-con with record for apartment fraud. Police searched company property and discovered 30 bodies; other suspects from "Partner" eventually led them to two more. Authorities do not exclude the possibility that more bodies will be found. According to the newspaper report, there are currently some 226 people missing from the city of Yaroslavl, and more than a few were apartment

"If I can distract Sanchez Vicario, maybe I'll beat her."

owners...

Soup's On

Hey, beginners--here's a good way to kill a commercial rival! Just wait until he goes into the hospital for a series of tests, then go in the next day, find his nurse, and hand her a big pot of stew with a grenade inside. Instruct her carefully: "Nurse, this is for my sick friend, commercial director N., room 334. Please give it to him soon. Do not remove the lid yourself. We want it to be a surprise. Commercial director N. likes surprises!" Once this is accomplished, button up your nondescript black leather jacket and leave the premises. At that point you can be sure the nurse will bring the pot straight to commercial director N., who will open the pot without question and will be too slow to recognize the outlines of the F-1 grenade floating in his stew before it explodes, decapitating him instantly and critically injuring his wife, who is sitting Shiva by his bedside. Note your success by the shower of broken glass you spot in your rearview mirror on the way out raining down from the hospital room behind. You might think it wouldn't work, but that's because you're a beginner. It really happened, last week, at the Kalinin hospital in Samara. Check it out, and try for yourself. When it comes to killing someone in Russia, no method is too ridiculous!