Issue #23/48, September 24 - October 8, 1998

-Why on earth did he do that?

-He didn't do what nobody ever did.

-But his office demanded that he abstained from all abstainables.

-Did you see that Monica?

-Yes I did.

-Would you abstain from her?

-No, but I'm not the President.

-The President is a human being.

-With lots of powers.

-Surrounded by lots of pressures.

-There are other ways to ease those pressures.

-Name one.

-Play his saxophone.

-That's what she did on him.

-And now he's gonna lose his job.

-I don't think so. He'll find some poor bastard to whip his ass.

-You mean like Sudan and Afghanistan.

-Of course.

-But that was a reprisal act.

-If you say so.

-Some people were still not impressed.

-That's because this guy is not as popular an asshole as Libya and Baghdad.

-Well, to get back to the issue. Another woman is making claims against Larry King.

-What claims?

-She claims she can describe his wiggley-diggley.

-His wiggley- what?

-You know, his ding-dong.

-Uh. Do you believe that?

-Why not?

-I'll tell you Why not. Because it's the quickest way to become a star.

-Starr. Is that not the name of the attorney?

-Fuck the attorney!

-What about the dress?

-That's just the point. Why would a sane person keep a sperm-whacked dress for so long?

-She needed some kind of evidence.

-She needs some kind of psychiatrist. Next thing you know the elevator woman will come out and claim that he pinched her ass all the way to the ninth floor, and she's got holes in her skirts to prove that. Man, if I was that guy I'll take out a restraining order. Because, as long as there are skirts and blouses in the White House, that guy is as safe as a punching bag in Mike Tyson's gym.

-Did you hear what Zhirinovsky said about him?

-Ha! Did you know they changed all the glasses in the Duma to Plastic cups?

-Why?

-Because, they're afraid he would graduate from mineral waters to throwing glass cups. Besides, you tell me. Throwing blows at a woman and getting BJs from one-which is cooler?

-All the same, everybody is rehearsing their impeachment speeches.

-If he borrows a leaf from Russia they won't get the chance to make those speeches.

-You mean like dissolve the congress.

-Why not? They're looking to have him dissolved.

-But he can't do that in the USA. Somebody might blow him away.

-Yeah. Well, if he loses this job, he can always get another from Monica.

-Another what?

-Another job. I heard she gave him a blow job. What kind of a job was that?

-I don't believe you.

-C'mon,tell. What kind of a job was that?

-The kind that could blow him out of the White House.

-She really must like him a lot. Why doesn't he make her a second wife?

-Because, USA does not stand for the United States of Africa.

-It doesn't have to be official.

-She won't take it lying down. I know that woman.