#44 | July 30 - August 12, 1998 
| All Comix Issue |
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| Has This Happened To You? |
| Dermo-cracy In Action! |
| Darwin Award |
| Fat-Ankle News |
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| On the way to his seat, Kevin pauses to ponder why someone remade something as awful as "Wings of Desire." With Nicolas Cage, no less. |
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| As Mercury Rising begins, inept white-supremo bank robbers are shot to bits, including 2 young boys. Meanwhile, mongoloid to Kevin's left breaks wind silently. |
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| Opening shootout revealed to be "Lethal Weapon" teaser lead-in, film now cuts to "human" element, as dead ringer for "Shining" boy playing autistic kid with similarly strange voice rides home from school. Don't be too hard on him, though. Unlike Dustin Hoffman, he's not old enough to know better. |
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| Next, idiot boy inadvertently has parents killed by solving secret CIA puzzle. Apparently, autistic brains make "Bionic Woman" slo-mo sounds when working in full gear. |
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| Next we see poindexters responsible for puzzle-including Quirky 90s Chick, who prefers coffee to drugs, does poor Bart Simpson impersonation, and refers to "Seinfeld." One by one, poindexters get whacked, but for some strange reason Quirky 90s Chick is allowed to live. |
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| Luckily, rogue FBI man Bruce Willis comes along carrying autistic boy as plush-toy prop and kill the CIA dudes (including jowly Alec Baldwin leader), all the while experiencing b/w memories of past traumas. |
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| Kevin is very agitated and feels like killing someone himself, preferably Quirky 90s Chick, but instead goes to toilet and pukes. |
