Issue #22/103, November 9 - 23, 2000 
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DEAD SENATORZ
This year, Missouri Democrat and airplane crash victim Mel Carnahan made history when he became the first dead man to be elected to the U.S. Senate. But would anyone have noticed if his corpse had arrived in Washington to take his legislative seat? We at the eXile decided to find out, comparing Carnahan to a technically more alive but debatably no more interesting U.S. Senator, Republican Conrad Burns of Montana:
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BURNS |
CARNAHAN |
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Alive |
Dead |
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Re-elected with 51% of the vote |
Elected with 51% of the vote |
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Landed safely last time he flew |
Plane transporting his body landed safely last time it flew |
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Married to Phyllis Kuhlmann and father to son Garrett and daughter Keely |
Burned to a crisp; everybody dead except grieving, now-celibate wife Jean |
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Former manager of Northern International Livestock Expo |
Formerly alive |
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Fights to secure millions of dollars in federal appropriations for his home state |
Doesn’t move at all |
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“No matter how high-tech and fast moving the world becomes, people still have to eat.” |
“....” |
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Attended College of Agriculture at the University of Missouri |
Facilitates Agriculture in Missouri soil |
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Doesn’t believe in deficit spending unless in the case of a national emergency, like a war |
Doesn’t breathe, think, or care |
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First Republican from Montana to be re-elected to Senate |
First dead Democrat to be elected to Senate |
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Pork barrel |
Worm food |
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Big Sky |
Dirt |
 Cards |
 Links |
 The Vault |
 Gallery |
 Who? |