the eXile - Other Shite

Issue #22/103, November 9 - 23, 2000

Other Shite

EXILE SPORTS NOTES

Lenin’s Picks

Greetings, sports fans! It’s been a rough couple of weeks for the eXile’s house football prognosticator, coach Vladimir “Red” Lenin. The founder of the revolutionary school of Marxism-Leninsim with all its accompanying tactics was having a good year against the spread until the last issue, in which he lost three out of four, stupidly picking the Lions, Niners, and Raiders to confound the imperialist Las Vegas lawmakers. We were tempted, as “Red’s” contemporaries in the Politburo were in the twenties, to quietly relieve him of some of his responsibilities in the eXile war room, and turn them over to younger, fresher, more eager football professionals. But we’re traditionalists at heart. Red’s been with us a long time. Since the old days in Switzerland. And unlike the Martovs and Plekhanovs of the world, we stick by our comrades. So here they are, Coach Red’s picks for this weekend’s games, to be shown at Moscow’s wide-screen NFL Mecca, Metellitsa-Sportland:

Sunday, November 12
9:00 p.m. Sportland time
Philadelphia Eagles (+3) at Pittsburgh Steelers
One of the distinguishing features of imperialism is its habit of pitting community against community, regional state against regional state, inconsistent black quarterback against inconsistent black quarterback.
PICK: Eagles

Monday, November 13
12:15 a.m. Sportland time
St. Louis Rams (-6.5) at New York Giants
The vulgar energy of the St. Louis Rams has been spent and the team has run its course. The epoch of the featureless ground-based offense has begun again in earnest. I like the Giants’ retro helmets, no matter what Trotsky says.
PICK: Giants

Monday, November 13
4:30 a.m. Sportland time
New York Jets (+7) at Indianapolis Colts
If Bill Parcells had lived under communism, he would not have eaten so many doughnuts, his health would surely be better, and he would very likely still be coaching today.
PICK: Colts

Tuesday, November 14
5:00 a.m. Sportland time
Oakland Raiders (+2) at Denver Broncos
We will eliminate such names as “Rich”. Under communism his name will “Comfortable” Gannon.
PICK: Raiders

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