Issue #27/52, November 19 - December 2, 1998  

Americans should recognize the General Albert Makashov phenomenon from following the career of Professor Griff, the Jew-baiting ex-hanger-on from the rap group Public Enemy. You remember Griff--at the height of his career in the late eighties, he was the head of the notorious "S1W" ("Security of the First World"), that camouflaged team of unsmiling karate-chopping negroes who performed as onstage bodyguards to Chuck D, Flavor Flav, and the rest of the Enemy. P.E. claimed they would never go anywhere without Griff watching their back, but when da Professor gave an ill-considered interview full of anti-Semitic remarks to The Washington Times in 1989, he was dropped quicker than than the tambourine player who gave chlamydia to Led Zeppelin. The KPRF hasn't yet ditched Makashov, but we still think the connection is pretty eerie, as you can see below. Incidentally, "Munsters" actor Al "Grandpa" Lewis and NFL star Jerry Rice also figured in our calculations, although we're not sure how.

General Makashov	Al "Grandpa" Lewis	Professor Griff	Jerry Rice
Looks like Munsters actor Al "Grandpa" Lewis	Looks like redneck Russian General Albert Makashov	Looks like NFL star Jerry Rice	Looks like no-longer Public Enemy Professor Griff
"Racist Monster"	Racy Munster	Rhyme Animal	"Inhuman Speed"
Called Jews "bloodsuckers"	Played Jewish bloodsucker	Called Jews "bloodsuckers"	Agent Leigh Steinberg takes 10%
Refused to cry over spilt milk	Milked Munsters fame for decades	"Yo, I ain't milquetoast"	"Got Milk?"
Believes Jewish-controlled press "turns the nation into dopes day and night"	Calls alternative newspapers "Johnny-Come-Latelies"	"Don't Believe the Hype"	"Believe the Hype: Rice Best Ever" (SF Chronicle, Dec. 1995)
Marshalled forces for attack on Ostankino	Friends with Penny Marshall	Martial artist	Caught 12 passes vs. Marshall as a senior at Mississippi St.
Returned to win Duma seat after lengthy public exile and jail term	Resurfaced as 1998 New York Green Party gubernatorial candidate 30 years after final appearance on "Car 54"	Hit comeback single "My Ideology" had "In-Cog-Negro" on flip side	"Made a statement" around the league through electrifying 1997 return from season-long ACL injury
Champion of dim-witted Russian xenophobes	Champion of cantankerous baby boomer environmentalists	Champion of solo rap failures	Champion of upper-middle-class balding white men, for whom he is a symbol of middle-aged virility
Wore camouflage	Invisible in mirror	Wore camouflage	Can't see him at night unless he smiles