Issue #27/52, November 19 - December 2, 1998  smlogo.gif


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Just Relax, Already!

We at the eXile feel as strongly as anyone that the statements made by General Albert Makashov about Jews were reprehensible and should be condemned in the most unequivocal language possible. When we learn what that language is, we will issue that statement. In the meantime, however, we believe that it might be instructive for everyone, Jews included, to take some time off from the problems of everyday life by taking a nice, warm bath.

There's nothing quite like a good long bath for forgetting life's unpleasantnesses. Once you cuddle up, nice and toasty, in that deep bowl of hot, sudsy water, your worries just melt away. It doesn't matter if you're Jewish. A good bath doesn't discriminate. It just makes you feel good. And feeling good is what it's all about. Anger and invective sure aren't.

So take a bath--or, if you like, play with a cute, furry pet. You can loll around on the floor with a sheepdog, or, if you choose, stroke the head of a fluffy Pomeranian cat. There's no better gift in the world than a little love. So try it out. Remember, if a pet doesn't reciprocate your affections right away, don't lose heart. He might just need time to get used to you. And when he does--watch out!

Yet another thing one can always do to pass the time is cook a meal. Whether you're alone or expecting guests, you'll find, with time, that cooking is ultimately more satisfying than ordering or eating out. Not only will you have the satisfaction of having created something yourself, but you'll have done something entirely on your own, without outside help. Here's a little story to illustrate our point. A few weeks ago, we here at the eXile newsroom decided that it was a real shame that none of us knew how to make a good frittata. So we put our heads together, and before you knew it, we'd whipped out a cookbook and found a recipe. Of course we'd like to be modest and tell you that the end result was only a "partial success." But we cannot tell a lie. Truth be told, it was positively delicious. Feel like giving it a try? Here's the recipe:


2 cups sliced or cooked artichoke hearts
8 eggs, beaten
1 cup grated cheese (Italian or American)
1 cup grated carrot
1/2 cup finely chopped parsley
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/8 cup chopped celery
5 cloves minced garlic
1 tbsp. catsup
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper
Garlic salt to taste

Combine all ingredients together and blend well. Pour into a large rectangular baking dish [eXile note: 9x11 is best], lightly greased. Bake at 300F until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Cut into squares and serve.

It's as simple as that. Just cook it up, and while all those Jews out there are worrying about General Makashov, you've got yourself an excellent main course or even a brunch. Put a white sauce or some sliced ripe olives on it for flavor. You can even put it on bread and use it as sandwich filling, for God's sake. So just try to tell us you've got something to worry about now. Go on, try. See if we believe you!

Oh, and while you're at it, don't stand for anti-Semitism. Tell your local elected representative today what you think about General Makashov's comments. Hate-mongers are always in the minority, and when the people speak out, humankind's best instincts always prevail. That's the beauty of democracy. It always works in the end! So when your turn comes on election day, speak up. And in the meantime, keep those muscles loose!

Also, another guest editorial debate with Nkem and Adik

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