Failure to Launch: Helping James O’Keefe Leave His Mommy And Daddy’s House For Once In His Life

Koch Whores / August 16, 2011

By Team eXiled

Last month, the New York Times magazine published a fluffer-friendly profile of James O’Keefe, the rightwing activist who specializes in bashing the poor and the vulnerable with a series of “pranks” against organizations like Medicaid and ACORN. One of the most stunning revelations in the Times’ fluff-piece that everyone seems to have overlooked: the 27-year-old O’Keefe still lives at home with his mommy and daddy, in their leafy upper-middle-class New Jersey suburb of Westwood. That’s right: the hero of right-wing preachers of “self-reliance” bashes the Nanny State from the safety of the best nannies a 27-year-old, five years out of college, can ever dream of.

It’s one thing if, like most of us, you’re temporarily so damn broke you have no choice but to move back home for a while. We’ve all experienced that shame. But O’Keefe isn’t poor—after all, his sponsors include billionaire Peter Thiel and multimillionaire Hollywood elitist Andrew Breitbart. That’s right, James O’Keefe can afford to get an apartment if he wanted to, even if the terms of his probation stipulate that he requires a judge’s permission to leave the state of New Jersey. O’Keefe, it seems, has never left his parent’s home by choice. This is nothing to snicker at. It’s just really, really fucking sad.

Being bleeding-heart liberals ourselves, our heart-strings have been tugged by pow widduh James O’Keefe’s sad attachment to his mommy’s and daddy’s place. That’s why, with O’Keefe’s best interests at heart, we’ve decided to offer help to the needy. We went out and spoke to one of the country’s leading therapists who specializes in parent-children relations —particularly the problem of “adult kids at home”—and asked them for some solutions. James—can we call you “Jimminy” for short?—Jimminy, we hope you read these valuable insights from one of the best professionals out there today (whose name will remain anonymous), so that one day, you might learn something called “self-reliance,” and leave your poor fucking parents alone for once.

O’Keefe couldn’t find the Nietzsche quote that said, “I’d rather die of insanity than live alone away from my parents’ suburban New Jersey home.”

Here’s what we gleaned from the therapist:

What O’Keefe’s parents should understand: Kids end up at home with their parents for many different reasons. Sometimes they want to get their nest built financially, so they come home to save money and secure their future. Other kids, like James, are coming home—or have never left in the first place—because they really can’t make it out there on their own. For one reason or another, they haven’t developed the maturity to launch successfully. If James lives at home with you and has made no move to save up for a place of his own, you’ve probably asked yourself, “Is he planning to stay here forever?” And the truth is, sometimes older kids like James do get comfortable back home. It takes a lot of pressure off their shoulders because Mom and Dad are there to cook and clean and pay the bills.

Some adult children are slower to mature than others. Developmentally, they’re just not “there’ yet—they’re not ready to take care of themselves, so they end up at home. When this happens, many times parents find they have been over–functioning for their kids. That’s right, Mr. and Mrs. O’Keefe: Part of the reason why James is so attached to your house like Linus to his blanket is because you are acting as enablers by pampering him.

“Get A Life”: James O’Keefe imitates art

There’s an important difference between helping and over–functioning. Helping James means doing something for him he can’t do himself, such as driving him somewhere when he has a broken leg. Over–functioning means you’re taking responsibility for things he can do for himself, like doing his laundry and cleaning up his messes after he’s had friends over. Perhaps that pattern started years ago or maybe it began in James’ late-20s. The bad news is that when you over–function you’re allowing the negative behaviors to continue; the good news is that it’s in your control to change the situation.

It’s important to have a plan of action with James. The message can be, “You’re not just here for good. We’re going to help you, but the goal is for you to get on your feet.” Having a goal in mind is important because it will ensure that your child’s stay back home doesn’t drag on forever.

What happens when there isn’t a plan? Frustration and resentment build when you hear James says things like, “I’m looking for a job, but I can’t find anything”—but you’ve seen him sleeping late every day and staying out partying at night. This resentment only adds to the stress of living together.

Ever hear yourself repeatedly make excuses like, “James is really a good kid, he’s just a little lost right now;’ or “He’s going through a hard time—if I don’t help him who will?” The truth is, when your kid can’t launch, you are enabling him.

I know that many parents out there have kids who never launch. Perhaps they’ve been living with their parents ever since high school and now as adults they are controlling the house. Let me be clear: if your child is controlling your house, then you are allowing yourself to be controlled. And if your kids have never left, it’s because you have allowed them to stay.

Typically, the more the parents feel controlled by their children, the more they will try to control them. But the more they do that, the more their child stays, digs in his heels and fights to get his own way. Now they have a huge power struggle on their hands, which is a dynamic you never want to get into if you can help it.

When you’re feeling controlled by James, you have a few choices. You can get “reactive to your child’s reactivity,” and watch things escalate, or you can try to be objective and thoughtful about how you want to handle the situation. Saying things like, “You’ve been here for three years! When are you going to get a job?” is reactive and will result in a battle of will and control. Instead, speak in more direct terms: “What’s your plan for getting a job? Please think about it and let’s talk after dinner tomorrow night.”

While James is living in the house with you, you may feel infringed upon while he feels like he’s being treated like a kid. Everyone has different preferences, needs and values and there can be lots of annoyances when you are living together as adults. But don’t get caught up in who is right and who is wrong. Work to get along and don’t keep assigning blame. Instead, take responsibility for your behavior and how you manage your own anger and irritation.

It’s normal to lose it from time to time and have a fight. But your children, no matter how old, can be very sensitive to your anger. So don’t interact impulsively when you’re frustrated. Instead, be kind, firm and remember your own parenting principles. One thing you can do is be direct: Insist on dealing directly and straightly. The way to deal with anger is to use clear “statements of self.” Make yourself clear and put it out there. You’re not blaming, but you’re telling your child where you’re coming from.

What’s the golden rule of living with an adult child in the home? Clarify your expectations. This requires honest communication. Represent yourself honestly and openly as a parent. Do you expect your child to do housework, contribute to groceries and bills, and pay rent while he stays with you? How long are you willing to let him live in your home? Will he have access to your car? And what do you need to see him do in terms of job hunting, if he’s unemployed? Really think through what you want and what you’re willing to put up with, and then talk it through. If your child is to have the gift of living back home, so to speak, he also has a responsibility in the areas of courtesy, housework and possibly finances. Those are things that need to be discussed openly and honestly with your child.

The message has to be, “To live in this house, you need to show us that you are working towards independence. We need to see that—and you need to help yourself make that happen.”

In turn, it’s important to listen to your child openly and respectfully. You have the final word as the parent but you should try to be open to your adult kid’s input. Again, your role as the parent of older kids is to be a consultant, not a manager of their lives. Listen to your child’s expectations as well. Most likely, he will feel a bit guilty or inadequate in some way. He may also feel like he’s still being treated like a child. There are all sorts of things that come up for your kids that make living with their parents uncomfortable for them.

Even Chris Elliot moved out of his parents’ house…but can Jimminy?

Welp, Jimminy-Jim-Jim, we hope this sobers you up and helps you and your parents talk it through before things get really bad. It’s time you learned about a little thing called “self-reliance,” Jimminy. It’s time, in other words, that you learned to grow up and live without your mommy and daddy spoon-feeding you and washing your clothes. Sure, it’s scary. But it’s what becoming a man is all about. We think you can do it—we believe you, Jimminy—but you’ve got to take that first step to independence on your own.

Welp, good luck! We’ll be sending you an invoice in the mail. And a copy to your parents, just in case.

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23 Comments

Add your own

1. Adam | August 16th, 2011 at 10:31 am
Yes! eXiled on the attack! This was hilarious AND informative!
SUBSCRIBE!
2. Kyle | August 16th, 2011 at 10:34 am
What is it about nearly every single Republican or conservative fiscal hard-liner and welfare teat suckledom? Exactly what combination is it that enables this cognitive dissonance? Self-loathing and projection? Shame and lack of confidence? Crackly voice and small dick?
All jokes aside, it’s really very curious and I’d be willing to wager it comes up with far more prevalence than to be an outlier or even a “trend”. In the last ten years, this appears to be the norm. The outliers are the fiscal conservatives who have never taken government money.
3. Trevor | August 16th, 2011 at 10:44 am
There is a surprising overlap between reactionary conservatism and basement-dwelling dorks. Half the D&D fans I’ve ever met were stridently libertarian and living off their parents well into their late twenties.
4. al | August 16th, 2011 at 11:50 am
what about “edgy” comment trolls living off billionaires’ inheritances / trust funds? what does that count as ? welp ?
5. al | August 16th, 2011 at 11:58 am
Welp, farting around Eastern Europe / Russia on my momma’s income, and working as a self-admitted lapdog PA, welp ?
6. al | August 16th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Misogynist, misanthrope, xenophobe, traitor ? all as per your own “writing” welp ?
7. dumb.shit | August 17th, 2011 at 3:31 am
This is me in the future but socialist.
8. al | August 17th, 2011 at 6:53 am
Please disregard, I suck cocks
9. trololol | August 17th, 2011 at 7:05 am
Looks like “al” has taken the trollbait
10. _sports__talk_666 | August 17th, 2011 at 10:36 am
Somehow I don’t think Ames’ decade blogging in Russia or his soft landing in Manhattan are unrelated to his SF lawyer daddy’s money. Takes one to know one.
11. DocAmazing | August 17th, 2011 at 11:07 am
Please note that Russia is not actually in Ames’s parents’s house. That would be a fairly large difference.
12. Traven Torsvan | August 17th, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Maybe Peter Thiel can get James a place on one of his libertarian floating brothels
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/silicon-valley-billionaire-funding-creation-artificial-libertarian-islands-140840896.html
“a kind of floating petri dish for implementing policies that libertarians, stymied by indifference at the voting booths, have been unable to advance: no welfare, looser building codes, no minimum wage, and few restrictions on weapons.”
13. abc123 | August 17th, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Kyle: Most people who don’t have jobs seek excuses and the excuse with the least resistance is “the government is screwing up the job market”.
14. NoGame | August 17th, 2011 at 6:21 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_O%27Keefe#Abbie_Boudreau
“Abbie Boudreau
In August 2010, the CNN correspondent Abbie Boudreau, who was doing a documentary on the young conservative movement, agreed to meet O’Keefe at his office in Maryland to discuss an upcoming video shoot.[71][72] When Boudreau arrived at the address, she saw that it was a house located on a river, with a boat docked behind the residence.[71] Izzy Santa, a worker at the Veritas Project, warned Boudreau that O’Keefe was planning to “punk” her on the boat by trying to seduce and embarrass her—which he would film on hidden cameras.[71][73] Santa had also expressed her concerns to a donor that day, saying, “James has staged the boat to be a palace of pleasure with all sorts of props.”[71] Boudreau did not board the boat and soon left the area.[73][71] As of September 29, 2010 Izzy Santa reportedly remained on the Veritas Project payroll, though with no responsibilities.[71]
CNN later published a 13–page plan it had obtained, written by O’Keefe’s mentor Ben Wetmore,[74] that listed the props, including pornography, sexual aids, condoms, a blindfold and “fuzzy” handcuffs.[71][73][75] According to the document, O’Keefe was to record a preface to his encounter with Boudreau, and say,
“… I’ve been approached by CNN for an interview where I know what their angle is: they want to portray me and my friends as crazies, as non-journalists, as unprofessional and likely as homophobes, racists or bigots of some sort…. Instead, I’ve decided to have a little fun. Instead of giving her a serious interview, I’m going to punk CNN…. This bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who comes on at five will get a taste of her own medicine, she’ll get seduced on camera and you’ll get to see the awkwardness and the aftermath.”[71][75]
CBS News quoted Wetmore’s advice to deal with potential fallout: “make sure to emphasize Abbie’s name and overall status to help burden her career with this video, incident and her bad judgment in pursuing you so aggressively.”[73][75] When questioned by CNN, O’Keefe said that he invited Boudreau onto the boat, but denied that he was going to follow the plan. He wrote an email saying it was not his work, “he wasn’t really going to follow through with the plan”, and he found parts of it inappropriate and objectionable.[73][72]
Several days after CNN aired its documentary on conservatives, O’Keefe wrote on BigGovernment that he gets outrageous plans sent to him all the time, some of which he approves of in principle, like the “CNN idea”, but that he never considered using the “over-the-top language and symbolism” in the memo,[76] and was never going to threaten or seduce Boudreau, “unless she wanted to be.”[76] Boudreau commented “that does not appear to be true, according to a series of emails we obtained from Izzy Santa, who says the e-mails reveal James’ true intentions.”[72]
Wow.
Even Leisure Suit Larry is less lame (and more successful with the ladies) then this lame loser.
I guess becoming a rightwing darling by making up shit, and getting redstate sluts to rewards him with BJs, is what his “romantic” life consists of.
Here’s hoping one of his “groupies” is actually a man who lures him somewhere, rapes him repeatedly, then edits it to make it look like O’Keefe enjoyed it thoroughly.
15. CensusLouie | August 17th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
I have only ever met 2 kinds of libertarians:
1. Cradle to career: These people have had their entire childhood to college (possibly even career) path supported entirely by their parents’ money and/or connections. They have never had to work a menial job their entire life and are a shining example of why a shitty retail/service job should be a mandatory part of everyone’s life; it keeps you from growing up into an oblivious entitled shit.
2. Failed business owners: The once mighty John Galts, former owners of their own construction contracting/plumbing/landscaping/restaurant business that has since collapsed. Always due to their own sheer incompetence or greed (tax dodging, code violations), they happily blame the government and all its RULES, MAN (just like any dumb teenager, which libertarians have the mentality of).
Side story: A libertarian acquaintance of mine (category #1: computer science major, parental paid for education, never had a job not located in cushy office) was trying to argue with me why the sales tax wasn’t regressive and how much more fair and efficient it would be if they abolished income tax and raised the sales tax.
He tried to make a point by showing me the income tax percentage table and how anyone making over a certain amount are currently taxed a much higher percentage than a doubled sales tax, and that “only” people making well below the poverty line (around $4k) didn’t have to pay any income tax.
“What about deductions and earned income credit? Did you take that into account to see who has to pay income tax?”
“What are those?”
“You don’t know? It’s right on the 1040 form.”
“My dad’s accountant does my taxes.”
“…..”
16. I pass like night | August 17th, 2011 at 7:56 pm
I’m sure O’Keefer actually believes what he says; he’s just too dumb–or has his head shoved too far up his ass–to realize that by relying on his parents’ cushy, upper-middle class suburban lifestyle that he contradicts the very self-reliant, boot-straps principles he stands for. In essence, ur right: He’s a fucking tool.
17. A Silver Mt. Paektu | August 18th, 2011 at 8:39 am
@12
That sounds like heaven.
A place with loose building codes, no minimum wage, presumably few workplace safety regulations, and almost no restrictions on weapons sounds like an ideal environment for a working class uprising. Far left types like myself should get jobs there, start clandestinely organizing, and then go Spartacus.
18. akex crosbie | August 18th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Oh yeah – I forgot – i’m a self-confessed paedo…
19. Mad Props | August 19th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
What if you’ve basically given up on finding a job because fuck it the country’s in the toilet anyway, people are just gonna get meaner and dumber and meaner and dumber and meaner and dumber and meaner and dumber and meaner and dumber and things are just going to get uglier because a complex unsustainable society requires increasing levels of control to survive, so sure fuck it why the fuck not play video games 3am to 10am and sleep the rest of the time, eke out as much half-hearted enjoyment from what time you have left as you can because it’s gonna get unimaginably worse and there is nothing, nothing you can do
hi i am a web commentor hi how are you
20. NoGame | August 20th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
The Somalian pirates are going to just fucking love those libertarian billionaire islands…. they just gotta gnab one of those rich fuckers and they’ll be set like Captain Morgan.
21. name | August 22nd, 2011 at 11:01 pm
yall sound pretty mad your parents hated you and/or were too stupid to make enough money to support you
22. vortexgods | August 30th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
It’s ok to be a slacker or “loser” who lives at home because its the easiest way to coast through life (or the only way you can find to live comfortably on your miserable income).
It’s not OK to do that and be a libertarian or even worse an, ugh, “fiscal conservative.” (Fiscal Conservative: A libertarian who doesn’t like drugs, videogames or hookers.)
When I was in my 20’s I was a libertarian, because they were the only ones who supported my right to fully nude lap-dances in the local strip clubs. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to stop that damned “six-foot” law from passing, so later I said “fuck ’em” and went the “professional escort” route.
(Although I actually only fucked the escorts, not the libertarians… ugh, that would be like having sex with my D&D group. Good old fashioned nightmare fuel.)
Hey, it seems the libertarians fail constantly to make any headway on cocaine, heroine or prostitution but do great on busting unions and shifting the tax burden off of capital and on to labor…. funny that.
23. He's Back | October 15th, 2011 at 1:52 am
Bad news…. it seems O’Keefe it trying to kill off the OWS.
http://gawker.com/5848327/james-okeefe-reportedly-creeping-around-occupy-wall-street
Despite being under house/state arrest for trying to wiretap a Democratic politician…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_O%27Keefe#Arrest_at_US_Senator_Landrieu.27s_office_.282010.29
He somehow got permission from the courts to weasel his way down to NYC for his latest shenanigans.
What’s he going to do?
He’ll probably faked something, film it, then edit it out of context completely. Or he’ll stage something.
His main goal is to make OWS look bad and demonize them.
I’m sure he’s going to try to get the protesters to attack the cops, or he’s going to try and seduce a lead female protester so he can humiliate her with a sex tape. (won’t work, he has no game)
Here’s hoping the cops don’t know who he is and that one of them beats him up, it’d be really epic if one of his fake schemes wound up backfiring.
Of course, he’s fucking with OWS and Anonymous this time, not with dickless liberal politicans and PBS. Ya hear that O’Quiff? You fuck with Anonymous big-time and you’ll practically be driven mad by their vengeance.
So haha, Quiffster. Either you fail and get beat up by the cops or you “win” and Anonymous makes you into their bitch.
I know this whole editing videos to appease billionaire masters that rely on conservative think-tanks has been quite the gravy train, but that train is about to crash into a massive wall of shit that you’ll never be able to escape from.
P.S- What kind of sadistic fuck would be on the side of the assholes at Wall Street and in the banks that offshore all their jobs and money? I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics assclowns like Quiffy use to label themselves “patriots.”