Issue #03/58, February 10 - 24, 1999  

Since opening two months ago, Kafka has managed to develop quite a little scene for itself, thanks in no small part to its prime location on Ulitsa 1905 goda just across from the Mezhdunarodnaya Hotel. Already home to Bochka, Chinook, and Le Duc and with still more crisis-defying eateries in the works, this fledgling Restaurant Row has in recent months becomes the last-supper destination of choice for kommersanty, mid-level bureaucrats, and flatheads who are about to get whacked--according to Moskovsky Komsomolets, at least three such big shots have been iced in "apparent contract killings" during the chauffeur-driven car ride home from this particular river-front address in the last two months. Which is also kind of Kafkaesque when you think about it. But so far at least, no blood has actually been spilled inside any of these upscale restaurants. So unless you're in over your head in biznes or politika, there's nothing for the average eXhole to fear--except perhaps for prices that are on the high side and the daunting choices presented by Kafka's (dare I say Kafkaesque?) menu.

The waitress had good things to say about the salads, so we skipped the caviar-heavy appetizers and run-of-the-mill soups completely and each selected one dish from among the half dozen or so greenery concoctions. I chose the "Crazy Duck" (295R), a quite massive and impressive-looking array of tender duckling strips, mixed greens, and miscellaneous vegetables in a tangy dressing. There was too much of the dressing, however, and the whole mixture was distinctly lacking in fusion. Fellow eater's 230R Oriental salad (featuring "iceberg" lettuce, as the menu amusingly boasts) suffered from the same problem, although to a lesser extent. Fortunately, the grilled kebab entrees were entirely more pleasing to the taste buds. At 160R, the tiger prawn was a tad overpriced, but the vegetable variants (onion, garlic, pepper, zucchini, shitake mushroom, tofu) are an altogether good and tasty deal at 45R for one or 160R for your choice of any 4.

Now it was time to switch gears to sushi-land. The 90R miso soup went untried, as did the various rolls (175-330R). Given our limited capacities, the sushi/sashimi combo (5 and 4 pieces, respectively, for 980R) seemed the best bet. These came attractively presented and the soy sauce and wasabi were certainly of superior quality. As with the salads, however, the raw fish did not deliver quite so satisfyingly in the taste and texture departments. The sushi was far from bad, but it was somewhat lacking in substance--much like the Skeletor-faced models and cellphone-juggling business types in the place that were all too busy eyeing one another's comings and goings. Which I guess is really Kafka's whole Kafkaesque point in a nutshell. It may not be a place for penny-pinching food pedants, but those who are checking out the scene and the cycles it will run should feel right at home, particularly if they've ever done any time in LA.

Dessert basically continued in the same vein, as typified by the black currant/raspberry mousse (150R). Although irresistible to the eye, it wasn't nearly as rich and delicious as it looked. On the other hand, the more modest-looking Viennese strudel (140-160R depending on the filling) was a luscious treat, and a much better choice in my opinion. In keeping with the surroundings, the wine list is definitely on the expensive side, starting at 1840R for a bottle of high-quality red. Supermarket-variety California wine is also available at severely inflated prices--142R per glass or 710R per bottle. But crisis or no, there are still plenty of people out there looking to make the scene, as last Friday evening's glut of patrons waiting down at the bar for tables to become available clearly attests. So if you want to join what's left of the beautiful people, reservations are very much in order.

And let me just say one more time: Kafkaesque.