Issue #17/72, October 16, 1999  

low-yield murder	"control shot"	podyezd	really stupid criminal	children	cries for help ignored	murder-suicide
"investigation continuing"	carved up like a turkey	related to victim's job	cannibalism	riddled with bullets	old people	Hunger-related murder

CASTRATING BITCH

Western feminists, long frustrated by their inability to raise Russian womyn's consciousness, may be heartened by this recent story that could be a sign that Russia is finally ripe for some testicle-tearin' feminism. Sure, in Canada, womyn suffered a setback recently when the phallologocentric Canadian Broadcast Standards Council ruled that Bugs Bunny wasn't (!) a misogynist,

"Being dead is nothing, compared to appearing in this shitty issue!"

thereby allowing the wascally, bitch-slapping wabbit to continue traumatizing the Great White North. But that's just one minor setback in a world of ever-churning progress.

Fade in on the horribly depressed podmosvkoi village of Dedovsk. Pass through the window of a dilapidated shithole on Gurevsky Proyezd. Cut to: A 26-year-old eternally unemployed loser married to a 49-year-old psycho-bitch. When they first met, they joked that if he'd ever cheated on her (why would he, considering how scrumptious the average 49-year-old Russian womyn looks to the average unemployed 26-year-old male's eye), she'd have the right to cut off his johnson. Welp, a week ago Wednesday, according to the Orekhovo-Borisovo-Yuzhnoye OVD, seems that the joke went a little too far. Over the requisite case of cheap vodka, accusations of infidelity started flying. He thought she was joking, and so, ham that he was, he ripped off his pants, flopped his johnson on the kitchen table, and dared her, all in jest, hardy-har-har. But his wife wasn't jesting. Like a homegrown Larissa Bobbitova, she grabbed a kitchen knife, and in one stroke, lopped off his johnson. Kinda makes you think twice about those wonderful, sexy dyevs. If only the wastrel had listened to Dr. Limonov's advice to "throw away old wife, finding yourself pretty young girl, and fucking her good," he wouldn't be in the situation he's in today, which, frankly, is a pretty bad situation.

According to Moskovsky Komsomolets, the castrated male is presently in the Sklifosovsky Institute in a coma. Doctors are still trying to reattach his johnson, although we aren't going to bet our last kopeks on it. As for the 49-year-old castrating bitch, she faces a long prison term, where, no doubt, she will have the opportunity to engage in some serious taco-slapping. Think about it: Bugs remains an adored TV star, while this womyn, a victim of society, goes to jail. Now if this doesn't point to the unfairness of the male-dominated system, we don't know what does.

HOW TO GET AHEAD IN IZHIEVSK

More good news out of Izhievsk, the city where, attentive eXile readers will recall, a serial axe-murderer once operated for over two years, killing six and

"This issue was so bad, I killed myself!"

attacking and wounding others in broad daylight, without police ever suspecting that a maniac was on the loose. This year Izhievsk's finest managed a new crime-detection comedy-when a new serial murderer appeared whose signature was the beheading of his victims, the police eventually went public and attributed "between three and fifteen" killings to the culprit. Apparently, they were not prepared to assert with any confidence that there was only one serial beheader in town. That should tell you something about the state of criminal affairs out there in the provinces... In any case, they eventually captured, last month, a 23 year-old suspect who has already confessed to two beheading-murders. Curiously enough, the suspect turned out to be a sergeant at a local prison colony. Was it the daily exposure to the violence of Russian prison life which led him to kill and behead young women? No, it turns out that the suspect, by his own admission, was a "big fan of horror movies" who, after watching films, would feel a powerful urge to "go out and try himself".

YET ANOTHER SERIAL KILLER

Ho, hum... Don't hear much about this stuff, do you? They bagged another serial killer last month-this one in the Tomsk oblast. Actually, 51 year-old Nikolai Sobolevsky was caught well before then, but they've just finished the

"This issue really sucks!"

body count-er, investigation. Sobolevsky is an impressive case; when he goes to serial killer heaven, they'll give him a pension. According to his confession, he killed his first victim way back in 1983. Between then and 1997, he killed only "occasionally", racking up a total of eleven victims. Single taxi-taking women take note: Sobolevsky's basic method was to drive around in his car, pick up women for taxi fares, rape and strangle them, and leave them on the side of the road. Sobolevsky was, according to Kriminalnaya Khronika, strangely unrepentant upon capture. He reportedly said that in killing these women, he "only had the highest motives". How's that? Well, the women he killed were "devoid of the requisite moral qualities", "unfaithful to their husbands" and, moreover, "invited [Sobolevsky], a driver, to their homes." The slow-hand killer was caught after his son was arrest for theft and the cops searched the house. There, they found a fur coat belonging to missing local television journalist Liri Lobach. Lobach, it turned out, had lacked the requisite moral qualities some time before, in December 1997, when she'd flagged down Sobolevsky for a ride.